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Original poster

Did you have your toddler at nursery whilst you were on Maternity leave with newborn ?

154 replies

garryboy · 22/02/2022 20:50

Just that really. Is that what people tend to do ? I was talking to a child minder about this and she kind of laughed at me and said ' well you're going to have two kids love, you'll have to look after them both together at some point '. I found this an intriguing response..

OP posts:
TulipsGarden · 24/02/2022 12:14

Almost everyone I know kept their toddler at nursery when they had a second child. Maybe reduced days, but kept the routine. The only one who didn't became a SAHM so didn't need nursery anymore, and also had her parents and sister five minutes away.

Helpel · 24/02/2022 12:15

I only had 16 months between mine so would've loved time in the day with just one, but because my eldest didn't qualify for free hours during my maternity leave, we simply couldn't justify the cost (to the detriment of other things like holidays/days out). We managed to keep the eldest in nursery for 1 day a week, but I would definitely have done 3 days if we could easily afford it. A lot of my London (read rich!) friends, had their eldest child in nursery all week, irrespective of age or free hours!

HalloHello · 24/02/2022 12:21

I did, but only because she was starting her funded hours anyway (Scotland) but I wouldn't have paid to put her in just because I had a newborn as I couldn't afford it. However my 2 days a week with newborn and older child are hard work, especially in winter!

cadburyegg · 24/02/2022 12:39

Oh also I should have mentioned that DS1 had just turned 3 when DS2 was born so when his funded hours kicked in it made it more affordable to keep him in nursery. If you have a small age gap it's obviously more of a financial strain (partly why we have a 2 year gap)

cadburyegg · 24/02/2022 12:39

*3 year gap!

thingymaboob · 24/02/2022 12:41

@Bettyboop3 good for you. Mother of the year!

Yellow85 · 24/02/2022 12:41

Yes, 2 days a week. Otherwise my youngest wouldn’t have got to any baby classes to benefit him either.

Do not hire this child minder.

Chippingin2 · 24/02/2022 12:42

I honestly didn't have both of them on my own until the youngest was 7 months. Maybe for a few minutes. My eldest was feral until she was about 3 and it genuinely wasn't safe. Youngest also had health problems when he was born. So nursery was a godsend!

That's an extreme example- my friends have docile DCs where it would have been fine!

Pilgit · 24/02/2022 12:56

Yes. It meant that then older child maintained her own life and had time away and i got time alone with the baby. She didn't go as much as when i was working and we did some things for her in the other time but it meant there wasn't huge change in her life.

Notdoingthis · 24/02/2022 13:30

No. I deliberately had my children close together in age so that I could spend more time with them when they were little. So I had 3 in 4 years. That meant the eldest had 3 lots of mat leave with me before he started school. They were very precious days.

Avenna · 24/02/2022 13:33

My child was 3 and had the free 15 hrs, so I reduced her time down to just use those.

MaryShelley1818 · 24/02/2022 13:45

Yes, DS had always gone 2 days a week from being 11mths old and DD was born a couple of months after he turned 3.
I think it would have been really unkind to pull him out of somewhere he'd gone for 2yrs and where he was settled and actually would have had the opposite affect of not making him feel jealous, he deserved time away from not seeing mammy with the new baby glued to her. She also deserved some time where it was just me and her without my attention being divided. This way they both benefitted from it. A child's routine should be maintained to be as close to normal as possible when a new baby enters (Obviously finances permitting).

NothingIsCertain · 24/02/2022 13:53

I did, I had a 2.5 year old who had been going to nursery 2 x per week whilst I worked (other days looked after by family/OH), when I had DC number 2

We still sent DC to nursery once I was on mat leave, firstly to ensure normality and familiarity, the upheaval of a new baby on a toddler is immense and often doesn't show within the first few weeks.

Secondly, we needed to maintain the space, I knew I had to return to work after mat leave and if I had let the space go, I would have had to look for 2 x nursery spaces within the same setting, as opposed to just the baby space, which was easy to sort as conversations happened with nursery at drop off/pick up....also we already had the relationship with the nursery.

Lastly, having a few days without the toddler, can allow you uninterrupted time with the baby and not to feel guilty that the toddler is having to wait an extra minute for attention.

It's nothing to do with not having them both at the same time, that just happens, but if you are lucky enough to have childcare and be able to fund it, I would continue using it.

Bettyboop3 · 24/02/2022 13:54

@Notdoingthis

No. I deliberately had my children close together in age so that I could spend more time with them when they were little. So I had 3 in 4 years. That meant the eldest had 3 lots of mat leave with me before he started school. They were very precious days.
Thank god, was starting to feel like i was the only person who actually enjoyrd bringing my children up. You can't get those years back can you?
megletthesecond · 24/02/2022 13:57

Yes. One day a week. DS got to do things I wouldn't have time /energy to do at home and run around with his little buddies.
I used the time to pop to town and slow down for a few hours.

NothingIsCertain · 24/02/2022 13:59

@Bettyboop3

I am an experienced and qualified childcare worker and see on a regular basis how children feel pushed out when a new baby arrives and they are still put in nursery all day. It's not rocket science, they need to feel a part of the family unit and not that they have been replaced. I'm sorry but it's not about making it easier for you! I agree with cm i'm afraid, if you can't cope with them, don't have them.
So would you suggest not sending a child to school for the same reason?

A young child thrives on familiarity, and during the early weeks and months of a new baby arriving, nursery can be that familiarity. It is nothing to do with coping, it is more to ensure that the elder child(ren) don't feel their normal routine has to change for a new member of the family.

BurntO · 24/02/2022 14:01

I would stick to their current routine. Surely that’s best for the elder child anyway? And it means baby gets one on one time. I would do it and wouldn’t feel bad for a second.

TakeMeToProvence · 24/02/2022 14:08

Thank god, was starting to feel like i was the only person who actually enjoyrd bringing my children up. You can't get those years back can you?

@Bettyboop3 do come off it

FTEngineerM · 24/02/2022 14:11

You can't get those years back can you?

You can’t get any years back?
This is a confusing sentence that I only hear spouted at mothers who dare to enjoy spending a bit of time away from their children.
Inherently sexist.

thingymaboob · 24/02/2022 14:12

@Bettyboop3 we all enjoy bringing our children up! But there are benefits for everyone when the older child goes to nursery, surely you can see that? Despite the fact that you're super mum, you must be able to see the benefits even if you chose another path? Just because we think it's best to send our children to preschool during mat leave, does not mean we don't enjoy bringing up our children!
I'm guessing you don't have many mum friends in real life if this is the stuff you say to mums on real life? Judgemental, sanctimonious and condescending!

thingymaboob · 24/02/2022 14:21

So I'm 3 weeks post partum, recovering from a c section and horrendous pregnancy (HG, diabetes, polyhydraminios) incredibly sleep deprived and because I want to send my eldest to nursery I apparently fall into the category of not enjoying bringing my children up according to the insensitive @Bettyboop3

FennecShandDoesEverything · 24/02/2022 14:22

Sue me, I totally did not enjoy spending every day at home alone with a baby who never slept and a toddler who never stopped. But I also work even though I could technically afford to be a SAHM, so.

thingymaboob · 24/02/2022 14:23

@FennecShandDoesEverything oh how dare you! You must also not enjoy bringing your children up according to @Bettyboop3

FennecShandDoesEverything · 24/02/2022 14:25

I wouldn't enjoy bringing my children up if it was all I ever got to do, no. I enjoy bringing my children up because a) DH does his share of it b) I also get to have a career I enjoy c) I get to have exercise and hobbies and alone time.

My DC seem fine, and have had the same loving consistent caregiver in their lives pretty much since I first went back to work.

TheMagicDeckchair · 24/02/2022 14:28

My eldest was at preschool room for 3 days whilst I worked. When I went on mat leave with my twins, we kept this consistent. Firstly because it was her routine, secondly it gave her opportunities to participate in activities I didn’t have time to do with 2 newborns to care for too. Finally, I continued to receive the 30 funded hours during mat leave so no financial incentive for reducing them.