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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did you have your toddler at nursery whilst you were on Maternity leave with newborn ?

154 replies

garryboy · 22/02/2022 20:50

Just that really. Is that what people tend to do ? I was talking to a child minder about this and she kind of laughed at me and said ' well you're going to have two kids love, you'll have to look after them both together at some point '. I found this an intriguing response..

OP posts:
nervousseacreature · 22/02/2022 23:37

Yes, he only went one day a week but that one day was very important to me to have time with newborn.

HardbackWriter · 22/02/2022 23:38

I don't know anyone who was using childcare pre second mat leave who didn't keep it up - half of the kids in Ds1's preschool room have baby siblings (I guess it's a popular age gap) and they're all still there! It never really occurred to me not to keep sending DS1 to nursery when I had DS2. I did drop him off later and pick him up earlier than we can when we're both at work but I think he really benefited from having that consistency in his routine. He only went two days a week so I got plenty of practice with 'coping' with two! My one tip is if you can send them into nursery with a photo of them and the baby -DS1 absolutely loved getting a fuss made that he was a big brother (and is so jealous that his friend at nursery has just had the same attention over his new little sister that he's campaigning for me to have another one..!)

NameChange30 · 22/02/2022 23:43

@Notimeforaname

I worked in a nursery setting for a few years and most of the other staff used to have the same attitude. They would laugh and sneer at those who were on maternity or gasp- had a day off but kept their toddlers in nursery.

I never understood it. They always cooked up these images of parents lounging at home and just leaving their children with us. Confused
Even if the parents were 'lounging' at home what fuckin difference does it make to the nursery staff?

People love a good judging session.

Yes your former colleagues and a PP too it seems Hmm

I wonder if (m)any of them had children of their own? I would think (hope) that most parents appreciate the value of child-free time to get stuff done or just have a break, god knows we get precious little of it!

ChocolateMassacre · 22/02/2022 23:58

It's amazing that some childminders/ nursery staff think that an active toddler is best off sat at home in front of the TV while mum feeds and deals with the baby than at nursery or in their care for at least some of that time doing a range of fun activities and outings.

Do they not have pride in the care they provide?

If you asked the staff at the nursery my DS attended, they would wholeheartedly have recommended sending the older child in because they believed that the children benefited hugely from the care and opportunities they received and that they weren't simply 'warehousing' them for working parents or parents who couldn't be bothered. I don't know a single parent who removed their child entirely for maternity leave although some did reduce days/hours.

Hankunamatata · 23/02/2022 00:04

Yes. Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays, it was bliss esp since dc1 was/is incredibly hyperactive.

thingymaboob · 23/02/2022 00:06

My DC1 goes to nursery 5 days a week and I'm on maternity leave with my 3 week old DC2. No way am I taking DC1 out of nursery, especially as I'm sleep deprived and baby is not in any kind of routine. Maybe in the summer, I'll find it easier and we can do things together but for now I need older one in nursery!

TheTeenageYears · 23/02/2022 00:11

Yes but it was 3 days a week rather than 5 and mat leave was only 5 months so possibly a bit different to keeping a child in full time childcare for a years maternity leave.

Hugasauras · 23/02/2022 00:14

I'm expecting DD2 in July and DD will keep going to nursery as normal. She loves it there, it's part of her routine and a new baby is disruptive enough without meddling with a setup she is happy with and used to, and DD2 deserves some time just me and her, just like like DD1 got. Also I deserve that time too!

tiktokontheclock · 23/02/2022 10:24

Isn't this a normal thing to do?!

HogDogKetchup · 24/02/2022 10:17

@Bettyboop3

I am an experienced and qualified childcare worker and see on a regular basis how children feel pushed out when a new baby arrives and they are still put in nursery all day. It's not rocket science, they need to feel a part of the family unit and not that they have been replaced. I'm sorry but it's not about making it easier for you! I agree with cm i'm afraid, if you can't cope with them, don't have them.
My DS says he wants to stay at home with me now. I keep talking about how the baby will be in the baby room soon. He goes 3 days. On “our” days we go to groups, I get on the floor and craft with him and generally spoil him with attention. IMO I can only do that because nursery provides the respite.

He’s an active little boy and I think nursery keeps him engaged and challenges him, it’s social etc and I know he has a great time. His speech and communication has improved no end and its partly for those reasons I’ve continued aswell. I just feel it’s so good for his development - do you agree and if so to what extent? I think childcare is really important and beneficial for them to build/learn a number of skills.

thingymaboob · 24/02/2022 10:51

@Bettyboop3 I have a 4 year old and a 3 week old. I've had 7 hours sleep in 48 hours as my newborn has a cold and can't lie down so how do you expect anyone to cope with an active 4 year old, EBF and that level of sleep deprivation? I would be doing a disservice to my 4 year old if she was with me. I'm barely surviving. Are you saying that I shouldn't have had anymore children because I can't currently cope? Can anyone easily cope with the newborn phase? You must be superhuman if you can cope with this situation! Such a sanctimonious and ignorant post @Bettyboop3

HogDogKetchup · 24/02/2022 11:09

[quote thingymaboob]@Bettyboop3 I have a 4 year old and a 3 week old. I've had 7 hours sleep in 48 hours as my newborn has a cold and can't lie down so how do you expect anyone to cope with an active 4 year old, EBF and that level of sleep deprivation? I would be doing a disservice to my 4 year old if she was with me. I'm barely surviving. Are you saying that I shouldn't have had anymore children because I can't currently cope? Can anyone easily cope with the newborn phase? You must be superhuman if you can cope with this situation! Such a sanctimonious and ignorant post @Bettyboop3 [/quote]
I could “cope” but certainly not thrive and I don’t think it would be good for my 2.5 year old if I had just battled through to save face.

heyitsthistle · 24/02/2022 11:12

I've been on maternity with my second DD since last summer. The entire time DD2 has been in nursery. We reduced her days from 5 to 4 in the autumn in an attempt to save some money. I don't really look forward to the day I have them both as it's pretty tiring and stressful. I wish we could afford to have her in five days a week still 😂 I love her with all my heart, but darling, mummy needs a break, too.

My youngest DD starts nursery this week and I'm on leave for another 6 weeks 😂💃

thingymaboob · 24/02/2022 11:18

@HogDogKetchup exactly. My 4 year old did a woodworking workshop at preschool yesterday and was delighted with her bit of wood with screws and nails in etc. she planted some plants in the garden and played with her friends. I cried sleep deprived with my newborn in a sling.

PeterPomegranate · 24/02/2022 11:19

@SameToo

She sounds like a twat. I’ve not had to do it myself, but if I were in that situation I’d have the toddler in nursery at least 50% of the week. They get play and interaction without you tying yourself in knots trying to look after both. Also why break their routine? It’ll be shook up enough with a baby arriving without then not being able to see their friends.
This.

If you can afford it then I’d keep them to their normal routine.

Chely · 24/02/2022 11:21

Our eldest was in full time school by the time number 2 came. We didn't use after school or holiday clubs. I wouldn't pay for more than the odd breakfast club at school, now a sahm and dh works away a lot.

Bettyboop3 · 24/02/2022 11:41

[quote thingymaboob]@Bettyboop3 I have a 4 year old and a 3 week old. I've had 7 hours sleep in 48 hours as my newborn has a cold and can't lie down so how do you expect anyone to cope with an active 4 year old, EBF and that level of sleep deprivation? I would be doing a disservice to my 4 year old if she was with me. I'm barely surviving. Are you saying that I shouldn't have had anymore children because I can't currently cope? Can anyone easily cope with the newborn phase? You must be superhuman if you can cope with this situation! Such a sanctimonious and ignorant post @Bettyboop3 [/quote]
I did indeed cope with this. I had 3 under 3.5. It's called being a parent and nobody said it would be easy.

TakeMeToProvence · 24/02/2022 11:47

Due DC2 in the summer and planning to continue sending DS to his childminder as usual - he goes two days a week. He'll get to have some fun that doesn't need to factor in baby and hopefully it'll give me a bit of breathing space too. Got to say I am a bit apprehensive about the cost when I'm on mat leave but he really loves it and if nothing else I want to keep his place.

scatterbrainedlass · 24/02/2022 11:51

Yes, when my youngest was born, my eldest was 3 and had his free 30 hours. He continued to attend as he was on the final stretch before school and I had to deal with my 2 yr old and a newborn at home.

What is it to anyone else what your childcare arrangements are? It's not that unusual for a toddler to continue at nursery when a new baby comes along. It gives them a sense of continuity and gives mum a bit of breathing space!

MsSquiz · 24/02/2022 11:55

I'm due with DD2 in April and DD1 will be 2years & 4 months) will still do her 3 mornings a week at nursery. It's her routine and she loves going.

The childminder sounds odd - she'd probably keel over if she spoke to me! DH works ad hoc and I'm a SAHM and my child has gone to nursery since she was 18 months!

TakeMeToProvence · 24/02/2022 11:58

@ChocolateMassacre

It's amazing that some childminders/ nursery staff think that an active toddler is best off sat at home in front of the TV while mum feeds and deals with the baby than at nursery or in their care for at least some of that time doing a range of fun activities and outings.

Do they not have pride in the care they provide?

If you asked the staff at the nursery my DS attended, they would wholeheartedly have recommended sending the older child in because they believed that the children benefited hugely from the care and opportunities they received and that they weren't simply 'warehousing' them for working parents or parents who couldn't be bothered. I don't know a single parent who removed their child entirely for maternity leave although some did reduce days/hours.

Also fully agree with this.
SW1amp · 24/02/2022 12:02

I don’t know anyone who has taken a settled toddler out of nursery to be at home with a newborn, although I know some who have cut the hours down, either shorter days or fewer days.
As pps said, they should be enjoying the social side as well as the learning, and it would be hard to replicate the full experience at home with a new baby.

The sort of childcare setting described by @Bettyboop3 sounds really poor so if your child is somewhere that makes them feel like attending is being pushed out of the family unit (and is staffed by sneering workers), you shouldn’t have them there regardless of whether there is a newborn arriving!

Footnote · 24/02/2022 12:07

Yes, 3 hours each morning. It gave her a space to do things right for her age group and included lunch so was one less toddler-friendly meal I had to devise. It also meant I could focus on the baby, who, when his sister was around, was mostly in the sling.

cadburyegg · 24/02/2022 12:09

Yes primarily because we would have lost his place if we had taken him out. Despite being on maternity leave we could still afford it thanks to my workplace's generous maternity cover which still paid the childcare vouchers even when my wage dropped to SMP.

It also kept his routine, kept me sane because I didn't spend 24/7 looking after 2 small children, enabled me to take DS2 to baby groups and meet new friends (we were new to the area so didn't know any other parents at the time).

That being said he only went 2 days a week, but it gave him a good balance between nursery and home life.

FennecShandDoesEverything · 24/02/2022 12:11

I kept my nanny on while I was on mat leave with my secondborn, partly to make life easier and give me some time with the baby but mostly because i loved her and was not willing to lose her for the sake of an 8 month break. We had to dig deep in our reserves but it was worth it.