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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did you have your toddler at nursery whilst you were on Maternity leave with newborn ?

154 replies

garryboy · 22/02/2022 20:50

Just that really. Is that what people tend to do ? I was talking to a child minder about this and she kind of laughed at me and said ' well you're going to have two kids love, you'll have to look after them both together at some point '. I found this an intriguing response..

OP posts:

Happyhappyday · 22/02/2022 21:42

Planning DC 2 and will absolutely be keeping DC1 full time in nursery/nanny. Will try and pick her up early occasionally I’m sure but we can afford it so I’m not sure why we’d forgo extra help at a very stressful time with a baby. Also feel like she’ll be happier at nursery with friends then being ignored at home by stressed parents. Hopefully we’ll have more energy too then to make the time she’s at home nicer!

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 22/02/2022 21:45

Yes 100% - could not see the logic of taking a child who's been in full time nursery from one out just before she started school. With childcare vouchers & funding it didn't cost me that much & as it turned out genius decision since dd2 needed a lot of medical appts and ex-h left for OW 4 months after she was born.

Cakequeen1988 · 22/02/2022 21:50

I returned to work full time after DC1 so when DC 2 arrived he went down to 3 days but in reality for the duration of my mat leave he only went 1 or 2 days a week.

I enjoyed having him home, I hadn’t wanted to go back full time and he was fun to be around. It is precious time with the two of them that I’ll never get again. Yes it was hard at first but that was the adjustment to having two children rather than one and not the children’s fault

Sprogonthetyne · 22/02/2022 22:08

I kept my oldest in, but he was only doing the 15 funded hours anyway. If I had been paying, I probably would have reduced hours or pulled him out, but only because money was tight on maternity leave.

Feetupteashot · 22/02/2022 22:10

Yes, 20mth old went in 3 days a week. Was brilliant as she already loved nursery and had consistency. Good for me and baby as we could bind and have naps!

Woahthehorsey · 22/02/2022 22:16

Yes I need.

I had awful PND with DC1 so was worried about getting it with DC2 so DC1 remaining in nursery meant I had one less thing to worry about, if I didn't eat, get out of bed or leave the house it didn't matter, but I couldn't do that to DC1.

I was also worried about the big changes for DC1 anyway, remaining in nursery was one less disruption for him.

I wanted to do baby groups with DC2 that weren't suitable for a toddler.

Woahthehorsey · 22/02/2022 22:18

But once it became apparent I didn't have PND and we were used to the adjustment I reduced his hours to 3 days a week.

PurpleFlower1983 · 22/02/2022 22:19

No because she was out of nursery anyway because if Covid and I wanted to spend the extra time with her. If she had have been there already and settled I may have done differently but I’m loving this time with them both.

Tee20x · 22/02/2022 22:20

Personally if it was me I may reduce hours from a cost perspective. DD is in nursery 4 days a week and we are paying 1770. It's just crippling - if I were to go on Mat leave I'd reduce her hours just to gain back a bit of money!!

PurpleFlower1983 · 22/02/2022 22:20

Some days I wish she was in nursery though!!

Passanotherjaffacake · 22/02/2022 22:24

Yes, money will be tight but as my toddler is just moving to the preschool room I think it’s important for routine, socialisation and the fact she will go to school when she is fairly young (just over 4). I view nursery as an important way of making sure she is ready for that (not dissing anyone who does something else but family finances require us both to work etc). Having her home for a year and then sending her to preschool for a few months before school starts is a lot of change.

PrincessesRUs · 22/02/2022 22:29

Mine dropped down from 5 days a week to 3. It was cheap(ish) as I was getting free hours at that point and she enjoyed being with her friends but it also gave me some easier days just to enjoy the baby

Bettyboop3 · 22/02/2022 22:29

I am an experienced and qualified childcare worker and see on a regular basis how children feel pushed out when a new baby arrives and they are still put in nursery all day. It's not rocket science, they need to feel a part of the family unit and not that they have been replaced. I'm sorry but it's not about making it easier for you! I agree with cm i'm afraid, if you can't cope with them, don't have them.

Rachaelrachael · 22/02/2022 22:36

My 19 month old started nursery for 2 half days when dd2 was born. Both to give me some time alone with baby and because she was painfully shy as a result of lockdown. Best thing I ever did and I'd do more days if I could afford it

Snapcrackleandhop · 22/02/2022 22:44

I didn't go back to work between my two so when the second one arrived the first one hadn't started nursery. So I had the two of them at home all the time, newborn and a just turned two, and honestly it was bad. Worst thing was I had no time to bond with the baby. Send the toddler to nursery after couple of months and that was so good for all of us.

Saves a lot of money but you might lose your mind !

Snapcrackleandhop · 22/02/2022 22:45

Just to add, my toddler did two days and that was enough. Wouldn't have sent her full time.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 22/02/2022 23:04

Oh god, yes! DS went in every afternoon, five days a week. He was so well settled there, and it kept him in a routine. It also meant I had a few hours to just deal with DD/WFH without parking him in front of CBeebies. It would have been far, far worse if he'd had to cope with a newborn sibling, me being exhausted AND missing out on seeing his friends. Plus his preschool was so lovely, and made a huge fuss of him when DD was born. The CM sounds like an idiot!

Whaddayuthnk · 22/02/2022 23:10

No, but my toddler hadn't started nursery by the time baby was born. If she was already attending and liked it I would have kept her in, at least for a morning or two.

ChocolateMassacre · 22/02/2022 23:14

If it's affordable to keep them there, I think it's a bit of a shame to pull toddlers who are happy at nursery out of their busy nursery environment and then they have to fit in with the baby's schedule at home. It's not like you can give them your full attention if you're sat feeding the baby for hours anyway. That said, I probably wouldn't do full-time but 2/3 days a week.

T00Ts · 22/02/2022 23:15

@garryboy

Thanks for opinions all!

Yeah I don't know this child minder well, I was kind of interviewing her when she made the comment. It didn't make me feel great, but what can you do.

Not give her the job. I may be projecting but the passive aggressive use of ‘love’ pisses me off.

Notimeforaname · 22/02/2022 23:20

I worked in a nursery setting for a few years and most of the other staff used to have the same attitude.
They would laugh and sneer at those who were on maternity or gasp- had a day off but kept their toddlers in nursery.

I never understood it. They always cooked up these images of parents lounging at home and just leaving their children with us.
Even if the parents were 'lounging' at home what fuckin difference does it make to the nursery staff?

People love a good judging session.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/02/2022 23:21

No, my dd was in reception at school by the time I had ds. Don’t know how I would have coped otherwise!

I would recommend having your toddler at nursery at least some days so that you can catch up on a bit of sleep during the day when the baby naps (if you possibly can!) or at least sit and rest. Don’t use the time for housework though! Unless it annoys you personally not to do it, and even then take it easy.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/02/2022 23:24

Also, yes if a child is already settled in nursery/ with a CM I wouldn’t pull them out to fit in with a baby’s schedule. Part time nursery might be the ideal.

NameChange30 · 22/02/2022 23:33

@garryboy

Thanks for opinions all!

Yeah I don't know this child minder well, I was kind of interviewing her when she made the comment. It didn't make me feel great, but what can you do.

What can you do?! Not use that childminder!

I mean she's kind of right, but how rude.

DC1 was a preschooler, not a toddler, when I was on maternity leave with DC2, but we continued to send him, it was absolutely necessary for both DCs and for me.

NameChange30 · 22/02/2022 23:33

PS he went 3 days a week, if he'd been full time I would have reduced the days to 2 or 3.

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