Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- No overnight stays

363 replies

Satsuma2019 · 22/02/2022 18:06

Hello, me and my DH are on different pages with regards to sleepovers at grandparents (or anybody really) house. My MIL and my mum have asked a few times and I have said no because tbh I don’t really see what they are gaining by having them sleep. I’m more than happy to drop DDs off at their house for them to spend the day whilst I get on with some errands and pick them up at a convenient time. My MIL thinks I’m being selfish but I think since I’ve done all the hard parts like night feeds, teething and the troublesome twos without any help and the DDs are now easier to watch, why shouldn’t I reap the rewards and enjoy their time rather than palming them off. Plus if I say yes to one then how can I say no to everyone else and then what time will I get to spend with them?

Aibu?

OP posts:
2018SoFarSoGreat · 22/02/2022 18:30

I'm a grandparent and having DGS's over to spend the night is such a joy. It is not babysitting, but it does give parents a break, and a long lie in the morning if no work next day. The DGS's love it and ask to come; we have to bargain how many nights with the 5 year old! There is something totally different from a visit to an overnight - we get to read stories, sing songs, make special breakfast that becomes 'their GP thing' - ours is DH makes crepes, and they love it.

Totally up to you, OP, but it is just offering your DC a different experience.

mummykel16 · 22/02/2022 18:31

Your child your choice, and you don't need to explain why either

lollipoprainbow · 22/02/2022 18:32

I'd love my dd to stay at her grandparents !! Think yourself lucky

MsSquiz · 22/02/2022 18:32

I used to love staying at my DGM's house every Saturday night (because my DM worked in a pub) and even continued to stay well into my teens.

I'm gutted my DM died before DD was born and MIL died last year when DD was only 18 months as she now only has 1 grandparent (FIL) and he wouldn't be confident having her overnight or longer than an hour so she and DD2 (on the way) will never get a grandparent sleepover.
It's always handy in case of any kind of emergency to have someone your kids could happily stay overnight with. When I go in to have DD2, SIL (who has her own 3 kids) will be coming to ours to look after DD1 because we don't know how she would be staying out

Blueberryflavour · 22/02/2022 18:34

As a doting grandma I have my grandchildren sometimes during the day and sometimes overnight. From a grandparents point of view snuggly cuddles and a child friendly programme on the TV after a warm bath is a very different vibe to outdoor playing and baking/crafting during the day. To be honest I never sleep deeply when they stay over, too much on alert not because they don’t sleep. There is a benefit to their parents in knowing that their children are safely looked after by the people who love them the most ( after their own parents of course) and they can go out for a meal, or stay home and have uninterrupted couple time and a lovely lie in and a relaxed breakfast the next day. My own kids loved staying over at my parents even when they were too young for sleepovers at friends. Also if something unexpected happened to their parents and we suddenly had to have the grandchildren for a few days, then the children would not be distressed as it was already part of their usual lives, surely better than it being the first time ever? My son and his partner ask us regularly to have them overnight and if they haven’t stayed over for a while we will ask to have them. We also share the driving and will pick up or drop as requested.

grapewine · 22/02/2022 18:35

Some of my best childhood memories is sleeping over at Gran's house. It was special. It was also the groundwork for the close relationship I have had with my grandparents in adult life.

irregularegular · 22/02/2022 18:35

Really? Unless there is some backstory here, I think it is lovely for grandchildren to spend a night with their grandparents! I have exciting memories of sleeping over as a child and clearly it would make your DM and MIL happy. Plus you get a nice grown-up evening, possibly going out, and a lie in! What's not to like???

"reap the rewards by enjoying their time"? Really? Unless you get to spend very little time with them for some reason....

And no, it doesn't mean they have to sleep over with everyone! Though sleepovers with aunts/uncles/cousins sound like fun to me! And later on their own close friends. Which is likely to go more smoothly if they have already practiced with granny, rathe than never having spend a night away.

Original poster
Satsuma2019 · 22/02/2022 18:36

I just don’t understand how they can be so little involved during the tough parts and suddenly want to be so involved now that the children are more interesting that’s what I meant in my OP by reaping the rewards. Obviously it seems I’m being unreasonable but based on my parents, my in laws and siblings all offering to have DDs overnight I don’t think it’s extreme to think it will be a constant thing being badgered.

OP posts:
Emily199034 · 22/02/2022 18:36

I used to remember having sleepovers at my Grandparents growing up and I have such fond memories of that. I remember my Grandad reading me bedtime stories and having breakfast in bed with my Grandma. They are such treasured measures. When my children are older I would be more than happy for them to sleep at my parents.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/02/2022 18:37

I used to love having sleepovers at my Nan's. Hot chocolate and Penguin biscuits and she'll tell me stories about my Mum's childhood. That's what your children will gain; along with a closer relationship with their grandparents.

It's not just about you 'reaping the rewards' as you put it. Why are you so against it?

Go out for the evening and have fun!

irregularegular · 22/02/2022 18:37

It's not just OP's choice though, despite what others say - doesn't her DH get a say? Different if there are genuine concerns about safety etc but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

APurpleSquirrel · 22/02/2022 18:38

YABU - I'm counting the days until PIL agree to take both DC overnight again (all stopped due to Covid & has really restarted yet)! It was a great break for DH & I to go out & do stuff together. & Dc loved it - they get spoilt rotten, have a great time & learn to be away for us.
DD will be going on school residential me next year so it helps she's slept away before.
I take it your DH wants the DC to stay with the DGPs?

lucylucyapplejuicy · 22/02/2022 18:38

There was nothing better as a kid than sleepovers at my grandparents I loved it! And I do think it's special for grandparents to have them over night it's different than just watching them for a few hours. You sound a bit selfish to me. Wait till you have more kids you'll be begging for a babysitter. Mine all disappeared once DC2 arrived

WouldIwasShookspeared · 22/02/2022 18:38

The benefits are your children get to have fun sleeping over at their grandparents.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/02/2022 18:38

since I’ve done all the hard parts like night feeds, teething and the troublesome twos without any help

Um... you're their parent? Would you expect your MIL or Mum to be there at 2am?

ExtraOnion · 22/02/2022 18:39

What’s this “your child your choice” stuff. The children are only the OPs, not her OHs.

TBH, I’ve read some pathetic moans on this site, but this takes the biscuit. “I did the baby stuff” “I did the night feeds” - so what ? You get to dictate what happens next. Get down off your cross, as someone else needs the wood.

You are selfish in that you are denying your children of the opportunity if spending quality time with thier grandparents and vice versa - and your reasoning is “because I’ve done all the hard work” .. that’s it ?? There are no safeguarding issues, just your selfish attitude.

I am hoping this is a journalist fishing for a story, because it’s utterly tragic

cherish123 · 22/02/2022 18:39

Depends on the age.
Your DC would love it.

Hankunamatata · 22/02/2022 18:40

I stayed with my granny every Saturday night from age 5ish until 14yrs. My choice. I loved going, we would bake,she taught me to knit, hot chocolates on Saturday night then bath and bed with a story. I loved it.

Yabu. It's not a competition.

Livpool · 22/02/2022 18:41

@irregularegular

It's not just OP's choice though, despite what others say - doesn't her DH get a say? Different if there are genuine concerns about safety etc but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
Exactly it sounds like her DH is happy for them to stay.

My DS stays over at his grandparents and he loves it. And I have lovely memories of staying at minis. We used to get thick toast covered in Lurpak for supper

MichelleScarn · 22/02/2022 18:41

@EsmeSusanOgg

YANBU. Your children, your call. It might be a nice adventure every once in a while though. How often are they proposing these sleepovers happen?
But they're the DHs children too and he wants them to stay with his parents?

N.b didn't know Nanny's middle name was Susan!

TruffleShuffles · 22/02/2022 18:41

I loved staying over at my both my Nans houses when I was young, I lost both Grandads young so it was just the two of us. I couldn’t wait to stay and have an ovaltine before bed and my toast and tea for breakfast always tasted so much better at Nans house. I think it would be a shame for you to deprive your children from what could be some lovely memories for what I think are very petty reasons.

ohhooh · 22/02/2022 18:41

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

since I’ve done all the hard parts like night feeds, teething and the troublesome twos without any help

Um... you're their parent? Would you expect your MIL or Mum to be there at 2am?

This was my confusion!

Of course you do the hard parts, you're the parent 🤷🏻‍♀️

MsSquiz · 22/02/2022 18:41

@Satsuma2019

I just don’t understand how they can be so little involved during the tough parts and suddenly want to be so involved now that the children are more interesting that’s what I meant in my OP by reaping the rewards. Obviously it seems I’m being unreasonable but based on my parents, my in laws and siblings all offering to have DDs overnight I don’t think it’s extreme to think it will be a constant thing being badgered.
You sound quite bitter about having to do the tough work yourself, but that is the choice you made in being a parent. Presumably your parents did that with you and in laws with your DH...

Asking for the children to stay overnight isn't suddenly claiming the benefits of the hard work you have put in as a parent, it is enjoying their time as grandparents/aunts/uncles

CeleriacOfTheNight · 22/02/2022 18:42

Well as parents you get to choose, but I have lovely memories of staying overnight at my nan and grandad's house, and my kids all loved sleepovers at my parents too.

And yes, I don't think GP's are necessarily there for all the tough bits of night times like teething etc, but that's for the parents surely?

Happyhappyday · 22/02/2022 18:43

I think it’s a little nuts you don’t want to do this… most parents would bite off DGPs arm to hate DC do a sleepover… I obviously want time with DC, but she is always begging for a sleepover so she loves it, my parents love it and DH get a quiet night. Struggling to see any downside (apart from that she usually gets a trip to the bakery which we don’t love. DGPs usually drop her off in the morning.