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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- No overnight stays

363 replies

Satsuma2019 · 22/02/2022 18:06

Hello, me and my DH are on different pages with regards to sleepovers at grandparents (or anybody really) house. My MIL and my mum have asked a few times and I have said no because tbh I don’t really see what they are gaining by having them sleep. I’m more than happy to drop DDs off at their house for them to spend the day whilst I get on with some errands and pick them up at a convenient time. My MIL thinks I’m being selfish but I think since I’ve done all the hard parts like night feeds, teething and the troublesome twos without any help and the DDs are now easier to watch, why shouldn’t I reap the rewards and enjoy their time rather than palming them off. Plus if I say yes to one then how can I say no to everyone else and then what time will I get to spend with them?

Aibu?

OP posts:
lovelovelove2 · 22/02/2022 23:28

I had the most wonderful memories of sleeping at my grandparents. I always want to go and I was allowed when ever I wanted. We played endless games, went for walks, baked they are some of my most treasured memories and ones I would never want to be with out. Being with my lovely nana and grandad as a child was wonderful they had done all the hard bits bringing up their own children and grand children were to be enjoyed. I remember my nana told my mother - oh you love your children and when you don't think it could be possible you love your grandchildren more.

mummykel16 · 22/02/2022 23:29

You know how some women struggle to say no, how they just have to be kind even when being attacked or insulted .....yeah - this threads replies are why

lborgia · 23/02/2022 00:09

@mummykel16 - do you mean you being attacked, or the OP?

if you mean the OP, I don’t think this is that, she has given a series of reasons why she doesn’t want them staying over, and a lot of us think it’s a bit strange.

I still think something else is going on. But this isn’t about her request being ignored, it’s that we can’t get behind it.

We’re allowed to disagree. It’s not the same as shouting someone down when they don’t want to do something. She asked what we thought. On the info provided, we think Sibu.

ThinWomansBrain · 23/02/2022 00:30

One plus would be that if they had to have them in an emergency - say you or partner in hospital - them staying with GPs wouldn't be a strange experience, so less stressful for them?

Chonfox · 23/02/2022 00:39

I will never ever understand how people could refuse willing family babysitters! Why don't you want to palm your children off?! Aren't you sick of them and dying for a break? I'm so envious! My family live hours away and I would bite their hands off if they offered me such joy - YABVU.

mummykel16 · 23/02/2022 01:32

[quote lborgia]@mummykel16 - do you mean you being attacked, or the OP?

if you mean the OP, I don’t think this is that, she has given a series of reasons why she doesn’t want them staying over, and a lot of us think it’s a bit strange.

I still think something else is going on. But this isn’t about her request being ignored, it’s that we can’t get behind it.

We’re allowed to disagree. It’s not the same as shouting someone down when they don’t want to do something. She asked what we thought. On the info provided, we think Sibu.[/quote]
Disagree fine
All the insults, not so much

Are people really incapable of doing one without the other?

Jellybellywellysmelly · 23/02/2022 03:06

Is this for real???

Jeanluc · 23/02/2022 03:43

My kids love sleeping at their grandparents they get spoiled and it's a little bit of an adventure, YABU and giving silly excuses especially if your children would like to sleepover.

Valeriekat · 23/02/2022 03:55

I agree with you OP.
We only had "sleepovers" with grandparents when we were older which we loved.
I really don't get this desire for ownership with the grandchildren.

Krabapple · 23/02/2022 04:29

I loved sleeping at both sets of GPs some of my happiest times. It is up to you but it’s a shame to let them miss out and I think it does them good in terms of things like school residentials when they are older. It is also nice to get the time to yourself occasionally, to have an evening out or even a night or two away.

BuanoKubiamVej · 23/02/2022 04:36

@Satsuma2019

I never expected the DGPs to do night feeds etc but a phone call here and there to find out how they’re doing or how we’re doing would have been nice especially as now the kids are older this is what’s expected. They call every day now. I’m not complaining at doing the night feeds teething etc but how comes we were never invited round for visits during this time but now suddenly we are. I just think being a grandparent should be consistent not a pick and choose situation.
It's this that is the problem here. Your problem is the disjoint between the seemingly uncaring distant lack of involvement when you most needed support, and the now overwhelming over-involvement. I read the OP thinking you are being unreasonable but I can see why you asked now.

The daily phone calls and the badgering need to stop. It's intrusive and unfair, making it difficult for you to have fanily time that isn't focused on grandparents. Weekly visits are also way too much.

However, occasional longer term independent visits to stay with grandparents are good for kids and help foster all sorts of life skills. It would be a good idea to work towards making these possible. However, at the moment so much of your weekends and evenings are dominated by grandparents that there's no space for this to be considered. Yanbu at all to hoard time with DCs when you are getting so little of it that is uninterrupted by grandparents.

I am currently enjoying a blissful 3 nights off with DC spending half term with grandparents who live 2 hrs drive away. However our normal contact level is weekly phone calls and visits about every 2 months or so, and they were as supportive as they were able during the difficult first few years.

coconutpie · 23/02/2022 18:07

YANBU. It sounds like that the GPs didn't bother when the DC were younger and you would have needed their help but now suddenly they are being very demanding by wanting phone calls / visits / sleepovers which is a complete 180 to what was the norm before? And because you've said no to sleepovers you are being called selfish? That would be a massive red flag to me and would immediately make me say no to the sleepover part. They are your DC so you decide what is best for them. It is completely unreasonable for the GPs to call you selfish.

Cognoscenti · 23/02/2022 18:11

YANBU. You don't have to agree to sleepovers, I don't want anyone to have mine overnight, simply because I'd just rather they were with me. Happy with visits, just not overnights. 🤷‍♀️ It isn't a requirement, and isn't weird to not want to do it.

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