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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are we crazy - WWYD?

308 replies

Corneliafunk · 22/02/2022 08:00

DH and I have won a trip away for 3 nights towards the end of next month!! We have to decide soon what we will do, but taking the kids with us is not an option. We are thinking of leaving them at home alone. They are 13 and 15 years. I have confidence/trust that they will keep to the usual routine during this time and get themselves off to school on the bus etc. The eldest one does most of the cooking anyway, so can do dinners ok although we would keep everything simple while we were away. They do argue but say they will spend most of the time separately in their rooms. Their grandmother lives nearby and can keep an eye on them. Alternatively, she could come to stay but doesn't keep great health so we can't really rely on this. She is also v worried about Covid..
And Covid is in some of the local schools. We have been told to prepare them for remote learning if there aren't enough teachers available on-site (which we have done).

We have friends who could each take one, but the kids don't want to do this and it would mean mattresses on the floor and disruption for our friends, altho they wouldn't mind for the short time. The prize means the distance we will be away is a couple of hours by car, but then a short boat ride to an island in a lake which sounds very cool! Not sure about cell coverage, but suspect not.
Would you think the kids are old enough and just do it and leave them at home alone (which is what we want to do), or should we make some sort of arrangement for them where they are with adults even if it is just in the evenings? Would you think we could leave them even in the knowledge that remote learning could suddenly be required while we are away?

YANBU - leave the kids at home alone
YABU- don't leave the kids home alone

OP posts:

WhatAHexIGotInto · 22/02/2022 12:12

@Travis1

All the pearl clutching here and when I was 15 I was regularly left with my 8 and 5 year old siblings including whilst our parents went to Blackpool for the weekend 🤷🏻‍♀️ Op Only you know your kids and their sensibilities. No one here can tell you what to do. Trust your instincts.

That's great. Good for you. You're so cool.

Gowithme · 22/02/2022 12:14

I think they should be16 for overnights alone as suggested by the NSPCC.
www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Migrainesbythedozen · 22/02/2022 12:14

@Chely

NOPE!

I would only leave under 18's overnight with a responsible adult. Our 16 year old almost started a fire cooking pasta while I was walking the dog.

17 year olds are moving out of home into flats and dorms at uni. You're saying a 17 year old needs a babysitter?

If your 16 year old can't cook pasta without starting a fire, you've failed as a parent. 13 year olds can cook family meals. This, is all more proof that leaving it so late to teach cooking and independence and treating them like they need babysitters backfires. Your daughter unable to cook simple pasta at 16 is proof of the failure of UK parenting. It backs up my point. Actually, that's quite shameful she is 16 and can't cook pasta without starting a fire. I would be ashamed of myself as a parent if that were me.

Buttercup54321 · 22/02/2022 12:15

That would be a safe guarding issue for me. They are too young. What if there was an emergency? A fire during the night?
You should put your kid's welfare before your own pleasure.

RuthW · 22/02/2022 12:16

You can not leave two children under 16 alone for three days.

Migrainesbythedozen · 22/02/2022 12:17

@Buttercup54321

That would be a safe guarding issue for me. They are too young. What if there was an emergency? A fire during the night? You should put your kid's welfare before your own pleasure.

Even a child can learn a fire drill and how to get help. It's part of their education.

A fire can break out while the mother is at home.

Migrainesbythedozen · 22/02/2022 12:19

@ouchyoubiteybugger

We left our 2 dd's aged 13 and 15 at home while away 2 nights. We had a friend of ours staying overnights but because she worked she wouldn't arrive till 9pm and left at 7am in the morning. Dd1 told a friend at school and we were reported, i still feel like it was ok as dbro lived 9 doors down but Social services did not and were very involved for months

And this is what is fundamentally wrong with social services and the UK. Too busy ignoring real abuse, and ignoring the fact that parents can and do make common sense judgements every day.

sheildmaiden · 22/02/2022 12:19

If it was a 15 year old and older I would say no problem but a 13 year old is a bit to young to leave for 3 night. I probably wouldn't leave the 15 year old for that long. 2 nights at a push.

I have a 15 year old and a 13 year old. They are both very independent but know first hand all the promising not to fight etc.. they will regardless. Surely there is someone who can stay with them.

IntermittentParps · 22/02/2022 12:22

It's great that your kids get themselves ready for school, lock up, sort out their own events etc. And that the eldest makes dinner for the family (not sure why people are being eggy about this; it's a life skill and it should be learned young IMO).
But over three nights, with you not close by and possibly not contactable: no. Their routine is all well and good, but all it takes is (God forbid) illness or accident and it's all gone to shit.
I'd have them stay at friends'. They can cope with mattresses on the floor for three nights and your friends are obviously willing to put them up.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 22/02/2022 12:27

And this is what is fundamentally wrong with social services and the UK. Too busy ignoring real abuse, and ignoring the fact that parents can and do make common sense judgements every day.

Is it really that sensible to leave a 15 year old and a 13 year old who don’t get on alone for 3 nights though?

In the case of the above poster who actually had an adult staying over night SS being involved sounds a bit extreme. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they got involved with 2 under 16s being left completely alone for 3 whole nights.

My 13, very nearly 14 year old, so is incredibly mature, sensible and capable for her age would not be ok left with a 15 year old for that long, especially if she didn’t get on with that 15 year old. I don’t think I’d even leave her with my 17 year old for more than one night.

TwigTheWonderKid · 22/02/2022 12:27

Until recently I would have said perhaps, but a couple of weeks ago our smoke alarm went off in the night. It was 1 floor up from mine and DH's bedroom but woke us up. There was no fire but in our sleepy haze it took a while to locate an implement to press the reset button with so it was going off for a few minutes. The smoke alarm is right outside our 16yo DS's bedroom and he slept through the entire thing. That concerns me quite a bit.

ancientgran · 22/02/2022 12:27

One of my kids got meningitis at uni, I had to go as it was serious and hospital phoning repeatedly. I had to leave the 15 year old alone for a week, didn't get a chance to discuss it with him, phoned the school to check he had a key. Left him money and phoned that night.

He was fine, as was the sick one. Most nightmare week of my life.

ancientgran · 22/02/2022 12:33

I should add the school were aware of what was happening, I had to tell them when I phoned to check he had his key and they had no concerns.

SexyLittleNosferatu · 22/02/2022 12:36

I would only leave under 18's overnight with a responsible adult. Our 16 year old almost started a fire cooking pasta while I was walking the dog

You can't be serious. You think a 17 year old needs a babysitter? Based on the fact that you haven't taught your 16 year old how to boil a pan of water and put dried pasta shapes into it?

ancientgran · 22/02/2022 12:38

I was married a month after my 17th birthday. Hilarious to think of me having to have a babysitter. I was working fulltime and I could definitely manage to cook, even using boiling water.

nearlyspringyay · 22/02/2022 12:41

It's not fair on the 15 yo to have responsibility of the 13 yo for three nights. I might leave the 15 yo but not with the 13 yo. Sounds like they have too much responsibility already tbh.

A 17 yo does not need a babysitter!!

SexyLittleNosferatu · 22/02/2022 12:42

@ancientgran

I was married a month after my 17th birthday. Hilarious to think of me having to have a babysitter. I was working fulltime and I could definitely manage to cook, even using boiling water.

Can you imagine

viques · 22/02/2022 12:44

Forget about the children being alone for a minute. What would happen to them if you and your OH were involved in an accident while away? Yes of course accidents can happen at any time and in any place , and having you injured (or worse) would be very stressful even if it happened down the road, but to contemplate either or both of you being hospitalised a distance away, would be several steps too far for the most organised and sensible 15 year old, let alone a frail granny.

Just a thought.

Wafflesnsniffles · 22/02/2022 12:48

Winning a trip away doesnt mean you just get to quit being responsible. Id find someone to come and stay with them. Or send them for three nights away with friends (separately or together) Or pay for them to join you on the trip.

Migrainesbythedozen · 22/02/2022 12:49

@viques

Just a thought.

I'm sure their friends parents then can come and support them. We can play the 'what if' game til the cows come home, but in the end if you don't teach children independence, you end up with a child with arrested development at 16 who can't even boil water for pasta. It's just not healthy at all.

Littlemissprosecco · 22/02/2022 12:54

I know adults are meant to be responsible and have contingency plans, but how many really do plan for that sort of catastrophe?
What if the OP found someone to watch the house/ kids at night, giving them some independence.
And what if the OP went and had a great trip, and nothing bad happened!!

Partyatnumber10 · 22/02/2022 12:57

For all the people saying they'd report as a safeguarding issue.
We recently reported a 15 year old left at home for 7 days to care for his 10 year old severely autistic brother whilst mum was in hospital.
Social services were completely fine with it and we were treated as if we were being really precious

What are your neighbours like op? Is there anybody who could keep an eye on them? Drop in, bring food and be first point of contact in case of emergancy?
That might be ok.
Otherwise, fingers crossed that grandma stays well enough as this sounds like the best solution.

BobbingWilson · 22/02/2022 12:58

You do realise, now as an adult, you had neglectful parents with bad instincts?

Itsnotdeep · 22/02/2022 13:02

@ancientgran

I was married a month after my 17th birthday. Hilarious to think of me having to have a babysitter. I was working fulltime and I could definitely manage to cook, even using boiling water.

So what? You do know that's not at all normal don't you?

I would have been ok on my own when I was 17. not so much when I was 15. And not being responsible for my siblings. and I know this because my mum did used to leave me alone in the house overnight when she went on work trips, I was responsible for my younger siblings. It wasn't good parenting. And it wasn't 3 nights in a row.

DrManhattan · 22/02/2022 13:05

Where's the daily fail when you need them ?

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