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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we crazy - WWYD?

308 replies

Corneliafunk · 22/02/2022 08:00

DH and I have won a trip away for 3 nights towards the end of next month!! We have to decide soon what we will do, but taking the kids with us is not an option. We are thinking of leaving them at home alone. They are 13 and 15 years. I have confidence/trust that they will keep to the usual routine during this time and get themselves off to school on the bus etc. The eldest one does most of the cooking anyway, so can do dinners ok although we would keep everything simple while we were away. They do argue but say they will spend most of the time separately in their rooms. Their grandmother lives nearby and can keep an eye on them. Alternatively, she could come to stay but doesn't keep great health so we can't really rely on this. She is also v worried about Covid..
And Covid is in some of the local schools. We have been told to prepare them for remote learning if there aren't enough teachers available on-site (which we have done).

We have friends who could each take one, but the kids don't want to do this and it would mean mattresses on the floor and disruption for our friends, altho they wouldn't mind for the short time. The prize means the distance we will be away is a couple of hours by car, but then a short boat ride to an island in a lake which sounds very cool! Not sure about cell coverage, but suspect not.
Would you think the kids are old enough and just do it and leave them at home alone (which is what we want to do), or should we make some sort of arrangement for them where they are with adults even if it is just in the evenings? Would you think we could leave them even in the knowledge that remote learning could suddenly be required while we are away?

YANBU - leave the kids at home alone
YABU- don't leave the kids home alone

OP posts:
worriedatthemoment · 22/02/2022 10:53

I have always gone by the Nspcc guidelines with mine and obviously the child as well , both mine are quite sensible

Worrysaboutalot · 22/02/2022 10:53

I would say 13yo and 15yo would be fine during the days on their own but Grandma should stay at your house over night. Just in case of illness or emergencies.

Enjoy your break Smile

Chestofdraws · 22/02/2022 10:54

@Realis

Lots of very sheltered people on this thread. I was definitely left alone at 13 for a few nights.

A good friend of mine had her own baby to take care of at 15, nevermind a 13 year old sibling for a few nights.

The fact we wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean our parents didn’t do it to us. We are able to intellectualise and make decisions as independent adults and not just blindly copy what our parents did.
oviraptor21 · 22/02/2022 10:54

@QuinkWashable

And only just leaving an 18 year old! I was at Uni by then, as are lots of people!

Sorry, I'm genuinely shocked at how little responsibility people seem to give their children.

Uni is generally a lovely protective environment in halls of residence with loads of other people around, and a great stepping stone to independence. It's absolutely not the same as being left in charge of a house and a younger sibling.
XiCi · 22/02/2022 10:57

@DrManhattan

I reckon you are just trying to convince yourself it's OK.
Definitely. You don't seem to be listening to any of the posts on here so why actually bother. Did you imagine everyone would come on and say its fine to leave them? Because it really is not. Unbelievable that youre even considering it.
worriedatthemoment · 22/02/2022 10:59

@Realis have you read some of the comments from teachers on here and how they would have to report?
Not the same anymore , many things that were allowed were not
And i think 15 year olds who have babies tend to have a social worker and still live at home

XiCi · 22/02/2022 10:59

As for the WWYD, I would ensure my children were adequately cared for before I fucked off on a jolly, that's what I'd do. Sleepover at a friend's or relatives or a trusted adult staying over with them. Otherwise I wouldn't go.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/02/2022 11:00

@Realis

Lots of very sheltered people on this thread. I was definitely left alone at 13 for a few nights.

A good friend of mine had her own baby to take care of at 15, nevermind a 13 year old sibling for a few nights.

Honestly... I'd rather leave a 15yo on charge of a baby than a 13yo. Babies don't go out with their friends and disappear for hours. Or try one can of cider and end up drunk. Or go off swimming in the local river and get in trouble. Or refuse to go to school. Or mentio on social media they are home alone and have 50 people come for a house party... 13yos can do stupid things. As can 15yos...
Ponoka7 · 22/02/2022 11:02

@Realis, a baby is easy compared to a 13 year old. You are in total control of your environment and a baby stays were you put them. These days, however, we don't leave 15 year olds on their own with babies. We also used to marry at 13, leave school at 14 etc but we've got a better understanding of brain development, quality of life and safeguarding.

zxcvzxcvz · 22/02/2022 11:02

I was a quiet studious teenager, able to cook clean and fend for myself. What was the first thing I did when my DM went away for one night - yes had a party..Don't consider it. The quiet ones are always the worst!!

KosherDill · 22/02/2022 11:03

We stayed alone at their ages. Neighbors a few feet away checked in with us. And that was before mobile phones & such.

Girlmumdogmumboymum · 22/02/2022 11:04

Haha, OP are you really looking forward to being a grandmother enough to do this?

I wouldn't and social services would have a field day if they found out

mam0918 · 22/02/2022 11:05

15 year old who is not severely immature or vunerable I wouldnt think twice about.

I left home at 16, so did several people I know.

At 16 you can legally have a child so a weekend at home alone less than year younger than that should be fine.

The 13 year old really depends on maturity and how trustworthy the 15 year old is.

If the 15 year old is mature and naturally suited to caring it could work but my son is 13 and fully in the midst of teenage angst is so incompitents he basically needs someone to remind him to breath.

If we left him for 3 days we would get back and he wouldnt have eaten or changed underwear or anything and honestly while I could look after myself at 15 I probably wouldnt have bothered looking after a 13 year old sibling.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 22/02/2022 11:06

It isn’t about the practicalities like how good they are at cooking. Actually that is almost the least important aspect. As they could live on biscuits and Mars bars for 3 days if push came to shove. And not starve if they actually ate nothing for 3 days.

YupNameChangeAgain · 22/02/2022 11:08

Can they each go to a friends / relatives

I think it’s too much to ask the 15 yr okd to be policing rheb13yr old. They could get into cahoots or they could get into conflict
Neither option good

It’s not fair on either of them and you could come home to find police st your door

I think you deserve to take a kid free break - but not in this manner . Bite your pride amd ask friends for a favour. Reciprocate for them. It’s ok

Or plan a date when the kids are at school camp etc or another friend or relative can visit

Good luck !
And don’t beat yourself up for asking
It’s great that you can reevaluate
Enjoy your holiday

billy1966 · 22/02/2022 11:09

I would be finding a young person, around 20, perhaps a student to come and stay.

Just to have a young adult in the house.

Surely there is someone know to you or friends would like to earn some easy money? A neighbours child?

It would give you peace of mind.

nokidshere · 22/02/2022 11:10

A good friend of mine had her own baby to take care of at 15, nevermind a 13 year old sibling for a few nights.

As unlikely as that is, a baby won't argue, fight or invite friends over for the evening. Not the same thing at all.

RB68 · 22/02/2022 11:11

I would get Granma to come for overnight, she neednt be there till say 8pm and kids should be left with instructions to shower and change clothes before she gets there. If she is all jabbed up any omnicron even in an elderly person would likely be mild - look at the Queen for an e.g.

ThanksItHasPockets · 22/02/2022 11:13

@everybodystalking

Interesting thread: I have teenage children, I am curious why it's the leaving overnight that is seen as the main issue.....fires, breakins, accidents and fights are statistically more likely during the daytime and yet we worry about night times. For context I have worked throughout the pandemic in the NHS, long hours ....my children were home schooling ...as were the majority of the population. Whilst everyone else was making soda bread and supervising school work I was at work....admittedly only 15 monutes away and contactable. Was I negligent? and what would you have preferred me to do?
I don’t think you were negligent in the slightest but I do wonder why you didn’t take up key worker school places for your children. You were precisely the families that we were open for.
RedToothBrush · 22/02/2022 11:16

If I knew you'd left a 13 year old home alone - even with a 15 year old - without an adult, I would report you to social services or the local school if I knew it.

Gran being in the house overnight covers your arse.

Rosehugger · 22/02/2022 11:19

I have two DDs, 16 (rising 17) and 13 and I'm not sure I would do this. But we have relatives round the corner who would help, I think if they were popping in they'd be ok.

MunchyMonsters · 22/02/2022 11:24

I'm pretty lax (left my 16 year old home for a week) but a hard no to a 13 & 15 yr old.

WhatAHexIGotInto · 22/02/2022 11:26

Absolutely not.

Travis1 · 22/02/2022 11:31

All the pearl clutching here and when I was 15 I was regularly left with my 8 and 5 year old siblings including whilst our parents went to Blackpool for the weekend 🤷🏻‍♀️ Op Only you know your kids and their sensibilities. No one here can tell you what to do. Trust your instincts.

whynotwhatknot · 22/02/2022 11:33

Not the 13 year old no-its unfair to give the older one reposnsibility to look after them