To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

[AlJalilia]

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

I had an engagement party with my ex in 2002. We got quite a lot of gifts. Mostly small things, but his colleagues got us a wine fridge as a joint gift. We split up 18 months later and had to cancel the wedding (he was having an affair). By that point most of the gifts had been well used, so weren’t returnable, or I couldn’t remember who had bought what. Any gifts we’d had for the imminent wedding were obviously returned.

@AlJalilia

The broken piece of rubbish was a watch. A broken watch. Which they said they'd found. I only had it on a couple of hours and the face fell of. I told FIL not to worry, I could get another one, and he said, "ah, but not of that quality."

Curious, I had a look at the brand on eBay. They were £5 new.

Just wow!

Do you two get them nice new gifts!?

So OP but this is so funny. But it's only funny because it's bad. Your MIL has brought being unreasonable round full circle.

Honey roar, that's glorious!
His And hers cut glass ashtrays!
On plinths!

How very Abigail's party

I would go round and take them all away including engagement ring and sell them as vintage as new items on Etsy, eBay etc

What culture is getting 50+ houshold engagement gifts?

We got a handful of cards and 3 bottles of prosecco for our engagement party, having attended and helped my friends with their parties too it seems about the standard.

Without a party people just seem to get a verbal 'congratulation' and an 'Ill buy you a pint/drink next time I catch up with you'.

If Glinner had written Rebecca, this thread would have been the result.

1980s/90s Australia apparently @mam0918

It's only Xmas so it's only 25 and some of those have been mugs and tea towels, a cake knife etc so not all big ticket items. She's been with DP 25 years so presumably the engagement party was late 80s/ early 90s when cottoned would have been less likely to live together.
Will be interesting to see what you get over the next few years as they run out.

I got my mum to send me the photo of her present show, but I'd better not share on MN haha - suffice to say that there are a LOT of frills and mad china pieces. And people just standing round, earnestly taking it all in... it's so bizarre and I love it.

(If they didn't think smoking was evil, they would definitely have had cut glass ashtrays!)

@PyongyangKipperbang

I am aware that I am ageing myself simply by using the phrase Bottom Drawer which I guess a lot of younger MNers wont have a clue about!

We got engaged in 2002 and had engagement party and “bottom drawer” gifts. More so than our actual wedding gifts actually.

@dangerrabbit

If Glinner had written Rebecca, this thread would have been the result.

excellent

Have you spoken to your DH about it?

@skeemee

Omg. Does anyone remember “Eternal Beau” dinner sets/mugs/toasters and every other single item for your kitchen possible. Even kettles and bread bins had that pattern on them late 80s/early 90s?

@AlJalilia maybe mil isn’t regifting, but just buying you any old tat from the charity shop. My auntie gives my mum used diaries and address books for gifts.

I have an eternal beau slow cooker which is still going strong 😁

@CassandrasCastle

I got my mum to send me the photo of her present show, but I'd better not share on MN haha - suffice to say that there are a LOT of frills and mad china pieces. And people just standing round, earnestly taking it all in... it's so bizarre and I love it.

(If they didn't think smoking was evil, they would definitely have had cut glass ashtrays!)

I remember fancy ashtrays being something my mum was proud off.

I have attended a couple of 'show of presents' quite an old fashioned concept. Lots of cake and I didn't really know what to say other than 'aww that's lovely' 'people have been really generous'.

Show of presents probably came to an end when the hen do took over as the ladies night, and gift lists which lots of people find grabby but others see them as a good way of avoiding duplicate items - nobody needs 5 clocks or toasters

Engagement presents were much more of a thing when the young couple were both still living with their parents, and contemplating setting up their first home.
The display of wedding presents could have a downside; my poor friend had the large, elaborate, traditional wedding her DM felt was fitting. There was a huge display at the wedding reception. The bride and groom went off on honeymoon at the end of the reception, as was traditional, and while the hotel lobby was being cleared, somebody took all the presents away.
They stoically decided that it could only get better after that, and I'm pleased to say that they're still happily together 40 years later!

@AlJalilia

The broken piece of rubbish was a watch. A broken watch. Which they said they'd found. I only had it on a couple of hours and the face fell of. I told FIL not to worry, I could get another one, and he said, "ah, but not of that quality."

Curious, I had a look at the brand on eBay. They were £5 new.

That’s brilliant ha

I'm just miffed now because we only got about three engagement presents! We still have at least two of them though - a hand blender and a salad basket!

Blimey, they certainly got a lot of engagement presents! On the plus side 20+ year old items are probably of a lot better quality than some of the rubbish being produced nowadays. Given the 40th birthday gift then I'd say things for the house were a bonus rather than the reverse. It also sounds as though some of the present-givers have far better taste than your in-laws: another win!

It's the 'found lying in the road' 40th birthday present that would have me scratching my head. That old 'fell off the back of a lorry' excuse is giving a none-too-subtle passive aggressive hint as to what they really think of their daughter-in-law. (I too have been on the receiving end of PA Christmas gift displays from DH's sister, which have caused me much entertainment over the years)!

Agree with PPs that this would be funny were it not that you've always felt you were your DH's second best. He might well have been upset about the broken engagement at that time, but two decades is a long time and he's chosen to be with you

@OneSugar1

What do mugs from the 90s look like?

Eternal Beau! Every second house had a set of these monstrosities.

No, Freebus, it was a 'Oh, how lovely, another one' "Well I remember how much you liked the last one. Now you'll have a matching pair." kind of thing. We weren't keen on one another

Hahaha Eternal Beau, I remember my friend wanting it in the late 90s.

But remember you could get a whole kitchen in Eternal Beau, from breadbins to kettles and matching toasters.

Everyone querying engagement gifts, it is definitely a thing, but must vary by area/class/culture etc. I got engaged to a man in my early 20's (2000's) from Essex. His family (working class london east end origins and had made lots of new money from property) were crazy about it. It was definitely an Essex thing at the time. My family and friends were a bit baffled but went along with it. We had to have a party, including a cake and speeches. We also received £100s worth of presents. Nothing really left for the wedding, which was lucky as we never made it down the aisle!

@oakleaffy - probably didn't find a horseshoe in the street, but in Oz we have something called Council Pick-up.

Each road has designated days, maybe 4 times a year, when the council will send round a truck and if you leave rubbish out they will take it away.

BUT, this is big stuff. Maybe a scuzzy old booster seat, but often quite decent stuff, which is like catnip to hoarders, or CF PILS, who think it's acceptable to use their finds as gifts!

I reckon that's where the road gifts have come from.

Oh, and engagement parties weren't just 80s and 90s, they are just as real now. Well, covid allowing.

Now I know these guys are in Australia, it all makes a lot more sense!!

I had an eternal beau kitchen, I loved it!
I had it on my wedding list as back then, nobody was lucky enough to not need anything for their house when you got married or engaged and you certainly did not ask for cash towards your wedding/holiday. I even had the table cloth as table cloths were what I wàs brought up with. Even now a crisp white linen table cloth in a restaurant is so much nicer than a bare table.

Eternal Beau …brilliant. I remember this. Literally every possible kitchen appliance or accoutrement could be purchased, from Argos, with the eternal beau design. My first SIL went for it big style when she married my DB. It’s nasty!