To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

[AlJalilia]

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

We had Eternal Beau too - I've been waiting for someone to mention it .

Sold what was left of ours on Ebay a couple of years ago, it was surprisingly popular. I still have the slow cooker left, nobody seemed to want that. I can understand that though since it must be the worst slow cooker ever made.

Engagement gifts were definitely a thing in the 80s, and probably in the 90s still. Bottom drawers too, still in the 80s.

I think the PILs in this tale are horribly insensitive really, even though it is amusing for the sheer cheeky fuckeryness of it. OP you really should make a thing in future of gifting them awful stuff - maybe a china shire horse with cart or something like that.

I quite liked the hexagonal shape of the Eternal Beau crockery. The problem is that it was ubiquitous. A bit like those uniform cream and green kitchens in the 40s: my granny was so tired of seeing these that she painted hers red.

For 'bottom drawer' I'd simply think it meant the same thing as a hope chest: successor to the old-fashioned trousseau. I think that's a nice idea, whether the occasion is marriage or simply setting up your first home, reflecting some of the excitement of living independently for the first time or starting a life with someone. Requests for money seem so soulless by comparison.

During the 90's I was the Manager of a China concession in a department store, those slightly downmarket customers would ask for Etenal Beau, those who thought themselves of a better social class would ask for Royal Albert Old Country Roses! Both were very popular.
By then most couples lived together so most Wedding lists that we dealt with were for expensive Dinner Services , good cutlery and Irish Crystal.
I think I only saw 1 list the whole time I was there that contained general household items eg toasters and the like.

Still got a couple of Eternal Beau side plates and three dinner plates! I love them.

We went off piste and had ‘Madison’ instead of Eternal Beau, was never sure was an even naffer knock off version 😂

We received engagement presents ( decades ago ) for the ‘bottom drawer’. I still have a set of Stuart Crystal Grapefruit dishes in their original box unused.
I keep meaning to use them.

I've also heard the phrase, "hope chest" but I think that's American.

It is, but I think it went out of custom in the 1950s. It's a wedding trousseau, typically limited to clothing and linens. I certainly didn't have one.

I had a hope chest at a house auction saw a blanket chest badly painted. My boyfriend stripped, sanded and stained it. Solid oak antique emerged. When we got engaged I started filling it with bits and pieces. When married it was a coffee table, toy box, shoe box. It's moved house a few times. Is now in the front porch , some footwear, but generally used to park shopping bags and other stuff that gets dumped on the way in. My DIL covets it 🤣

This is nearly as funny as my ex-fiance ringing me excitedly to say he'd met someone and asking could he have my engagement ring back to give to her

If they're tight and mean that's one thing. Are they tight and well meaning?

They must have a lot of storage to keep such a vast amount of gifts over such a long time. And the wherewithal to select the right ones for the right time. You’d be able to tell the age of the items by the packaging surely? Brands change logos slightly etc especially from 30 years ago. If they’re definitely old they could just be frugal and buy from chazza shops or ebay.

I think I’d be more worried about my DP loving another woman more, even you described her as the love of his life. But that’s just me, I couldn’t settle like that.

@CrocodilesCry Yup, they’re tight and mean. Added to that, they don’t like me.

@CrocodilesCry

This is nearly as funny as my ex-fiance ringing me excitedly to say he'd met someone and asking could he have my engagement ring back to give to her

If they're tight and mean that's one thing. Are they tight and well meaning?

Please tell us what happened next.

@GrandPrismatic

Eternal Beau …brilliant. I remember this. Literally every possible kitchen appliance or accoutrement could be purchased, from Argos, with the eternal beau design. My first SIL went for it big style when she married my DB. It’s nasty!

I've got Eternal Beau from 1995. When I was a student.

This does make me laugh that the PIL are re-gifting. That's a whole new level of tightness. But hilarious!

Stil no pics of the 90s mugs?

Firstly , hilarious. Cheeky F**ks
Start keeping them and gifting them back ? I’m dying to see where they must keep this treasure trove of the 90s?
I wonder if you can wait 10 years and start ?
In the meantime, I wouldn’t worry about spending money /time/energy on their gifts lol
I mean if anything, it’s practical?
And re ; love of his life - he probably didn’t like being dumped , my DH still keeps tabs on his teen sweethearts as she had the audacity to dump him. I don’t really think anything of it other than his ego was bruised and it’s ridiculous even though he’s married and had children ans a nice home
Men ….

If it’s taken your DH over 25 years to go collect his engagement gifts from their home, then I think your PIL are perfectly entitled to declutter and car boot, charity shop and regift the stuff to who ever they want. He could have asked his mother to take the engagement ring down the cash for gold shop and bought you something nice in exchange or spent it on a treat for you both.

It’s strange that you refer to your parents ex has the love of his life- surely your the love of his life?

We were engaged in 1988 and married in 1989. We did not have an engagement party but several kind people gave us engagement presents. They were along the lines of coasters and salt and pepper sets. I think we were given about four ceramic flan dishes, which were very popular at the time. Very useful for the bottom drawer (l, too, remember that phrase well). It was much more unusual for people to live together before marriage then outside of big cities.

I don't see anything wrong with that! I really like retro things myself, as they are often better quality than contemporary stuff, and the old designs are really interesting!

Jeez, the dusted off engagement gifts are bad enough, but the watch for your 40th, that’s just unforgivable. My ex MiL, once gave me a hideous set of obviously charity shop cotton pyjamas, the labels were faded, you could just make out the old M&S St.Michael. She was absolutely loaded, but tight as a badger’s. @AlJalilia please make sure you play them at their own game!

It does sound like they are regifting the presents. Have you asked DH if they are? Play them at their own game and start gifting anything you aren't keen on back

I remember when I was a child my mum always bought fancy cook books for engagement presents - then canteens of cutlery for the wedding gift.

If the engagement was broken, the gifts should be returned. I remember a cook book coming back after my cousin dumped his fiancée

Sorry if this has already been suggested but know about taking photos of some items (on your phone) then doing a Google image search.
If stuff comes up as "discontinued in 1990s" or "design print started 2020" then I think you have your answer either way.

• how about

@Wnkingawalrus

You lost me at there being that many engagement presents.

Yes that's true. So at least 25, not sure if it is alot but it seems alot to me but then I never got engaged so I'm not exactly an authority.