To think PIL have been regifting DH's engagement presents for 25 years?

[AlJalilia]

My PIL have always been very stingy, in spite of having enough money not to be. They are the kind of people to let their guests freeze rather than put the heating on, for example.

Anyway, before DH met me, he was engaged to the love of his life. They had been together since school and were due to get married. Just before the wedding, his fiance dumped him. He was heartbroken. He then moved away from home, met me and we've been together ever since.

When we got a flat together, we mentioned that we needed to buy cutlery and MIL said that there was a canteen of cutlery at her house from DH's engagement party and that we could have it if we wanted. I declined. To be honest, I have always believed that DH loved his ex-fiance more than me, which is fine. But I certainly didn't want anything of theirs. Particularly an engagement present.

Anyway, over the years PIL have given us Christmas and Birthday presents. Most of the birthday presents have been terrible, including something broken that they'd found lying in the road for my 40th. But our Christmas presents are generally OK. They are always something for the house, so glasses, a bread knife, that kind of thing.

A couple of times the presents have been really nice and completely not PIL's style at all. I remember about 5 years ago, they gave us some really cool bowls. I wanted to add to the collection so asked MIL where she bought them from and she claimed to not remember. I thought it odd, but forgot about it.

Anyway, for Christmas this year, we got 4 mugs and some tea towels. I had a friend over last week who took one look at the mugs and said, "blimey, I haven't seen that style since the 90s."

Which got me thinking. Ever since DH and I have been together, our presents have got more and more dated. I asked DH what happened to the engagement presents, did they send them back? He said no, they are still at PIL's house.

So I'm wondering, is it possible that they have slowly been regifting these presents to us as Christmas presents for 25 years? And if so, AIBU to be a bit unhappy about it?

What do mugs from the 90s look like?

@CurtainTroubles

What’s an engagement present?! Surely you buy presents when someone actually gets married, not just when they get engaged?

Also, what does a 90s style mug look like?

They were a thing once. I remember my mil telling dh and I that we should have an engagement party so that we would get lots of presents. And that was in the late 90s.
I told her that I couldn't be that mercenary and that any one who wanted to buy us a gift probably would anyway. (And some did). .

@OneSugar1

What do mugs from the 90s look like?

Either Denby or a mug stand with 6 mugs with poppies on or similar.

[quote oakleaffy]@SleepingStandingUp
I assumed Wedding gifts 🎁 as have never heard of engagement presents- especially not so many to last decades of re- gifting😱[/quote]
@Oakleaffy - are you a youngster!! Back in the day circa 70s - 00s, before everyone lived together before getting married, engagement parties and gifts were very much a big thing. Tended to be mainly useful stuff to be put away for the first time living together, with wedding gifts more 'fancy' such as wedding china, glasses you would never use or more expensive things like electric items. My DSis got married in the early 1970s and I remember so well her engagement party/gifts - it was like Christmas day only we couldn't actually use anything as she wasn't allowed to!

DD is leaving for Uni soon and no doubt will leave all her crap in her room .. I now have 40 years of gifts for her! Ingenious!!

That’s good !

Well then - just accept the in laws won’t improve

The gifts are yours and husbands
And enjoy needling them with OTT compliments of gratitude

@HeddaGarbled

Ah well, he didn’t get the love of his life but at least he got the tea towels.

It IS funny and annoying at one and the same time, isn't it?

@PyongyangKipperbang

I am aware that I am ageing myself simply by using the phrase Bottom Drawer which I guess a lot of younger MNers wont have a clue about!

This takes me back.

@HeddaGarbled

Ah well, he didn’t get the love of his life but at least he got the tea towels.

@OneSugar1

What do mugs from the 90s look like?

This?

Really shocked at the stingy ways of so many people. I don't think I've ever experienced anything other than generosity where present giving is concerned!

My MIL once regifted me the very present I gave her the Christmas previosuly, complete with a layer of dust on it. DH said, when I informed him "thats a coincidence, imagine choosing the same thing". No I said, its the actual fucking present. She gave him a car washing cloth for his 40th though so at least my present was actually quite nice :)

What's a PIL ?

@lovemyflipflops

What's a PIL ?

Parent in law

Engagement parties were normal back in the day. Small gifts like butter dishes and t towels. The week before the wedding a "show of presents" evening was held and all the wedding and engagement gifts were laid out in a room in your Mum's house with the names of who they were from, all the women that were attending the wedding and any other women you knew would be invited in to view them. The Bride and the Bridesmaid would serve tea and cakes. Simple days.

My ex MIL gave me a cheap and nasty china thingy from a £ shop. I rewrapped it and gave it to her the following year. Got it back for my birthday. So did she. She gave in before I did or we'd still be at it.

[Grin] lonwayoff. Did either of you acknowledge that it was a regifted £1 mug, or did you smile and say thank you that's lovely. ( The latter would have been funnier)

Well at least they're being environmentally sustainable!

Back in my day you got engagement gifts at your engagement party (practical things); then the bride had an Afternoon tea shower/Kitchen tea shower where the wider group of women came as well such as mum/MIL/aunties, basically all ladies who were invited to the wedding but not to the hen party. They would bring kitchen essentials to stock your pantry with some nice things, or surprise surprise - Tupperware, or both. Then you would get gifts at the actual Wedding which tended to be more ‘fancy’ glassware/china/electricals.

Basically weddings were one big present grab. Thank god it seems to have scaled right back now.

@longwayoff I love this

Sounds like my DParents - last Christmas they gave me some shite from a family house clearance that they clearly knew I wouldn't be interested in! No sentimental value whatsoever.

@HeddaGarbled

Ah well, he didn’t get the love of his life but at least he got the tea towels.

Environmentally friendly . Rather like the idea.
However bit worried that you describe the ex as love of your husband's life, you have spent many years with him and seem to have lost confidence .

Omg. Does anyone remember “Eternal Beau” dinner sets/mugs/toasters and every other single item for your kitchen possible. Even kettles and bread bins had that pattern on them late 80s/early 90s?

@AlJalilia maybe mil isn’t regifting, but just buying you any old tat from the charity shop. My auntie gives my mum used diaries and address books for gifts.

@CassandrasCastle

Does anyone remember 'present showing' being a thing? My parents have photos of theirs - mad! Everyone came round to literally have a look at the engagement/wedding presents (I have a feeling this was pre-wedding day, but not sure), all laid out nicely in a room...

This would've been very early 80s - and they come from a slightly weird religious background, so maybe it's just them!

Gosh I’d forgotten all about that. My ex’s brother and wife had decorated their new house to frilly perfection (in their eyes!) and had a gift/house showing the week after the wedding. It was hideous- his and hers cut glass ashtrays on chrome stands at either side of the settee and net curtains so frilly they hardly let any light in!