AWBU taxi issues re in laws.

[ChocolateChocolateMint]

Okay, the back story first.

Dh does most of the ferrying about dropping off/ picking up ILs when they want to go somewhere. Tbh it gets us down, it’s an expectation every time despite DBIL living just round the corner from them with three cars, yet are ‘never available’.

So this is now…..
Until last week we had two cars, now we have one, due to a car driving into the back of mine. My car is a write off, so I have the other car (I work 20 miles away, so car is only option, dh will catch a bus as works local. Both cars are 2007/2008 plates, so getting on a bit. Used cars are expensive at the moment with a shortage of new cars being manufactured.

So, brings the issue of lifts now being a bit limited due to now having one car.

We went out for a meal with ILs a couple of days ago and explained that we have only one car now due to the accident.

I showed MIL the photos of my car that we had sent to the insurance company, she didn’t say a word about the obvious damage, didn’t even ask how I was despite telling her I was in my car driving it at the time….🙄😧. I showed her the photos as I knew she wouldn’t have believed us.

Anyway, during the meal she started hinting about needing lifts to take her and FIL to hospital, due to impending hospital appointments.

Obviously we reiterated about the car accident and how his brother could help with that seeing as we only have one car now. The hospital is only two miles away and they can afford taxis.

And this is the bit where I ask if WABU.
FIL has cancer. The surgeons won’t operate as they say he’ll come off worse, he has undergone radiotherapy to make him comfortable, and to hopefully shrink things. He hasn’t been given any prognosis, no palliative care involved, he is great in himself, he hates talking about it, it’s MIL who keeps bringing this up to make us feel guilty. Plus also, they are not the easiest people to be around…

AWBU to tell them to get a taxi if DBIL can’t (won’t) help?

@phishy,
If there is a will there is a way

@FootieMama yes, if MIL has the will to book a taxi, there is most assuredly a way.

OP this is silly.

You only have one car now. You need it to get to work. Therefore you cannot drive your FIL to appointments.

So the in-laws need to find a solution that doesn't involve you.

It is very straightforward but I get the impression that as always with women, you feel guilty and think you should be doing more. No. You can't. It's that simple.

OP, I think your husband should step up to support his parents. Cancer is difficult on everyone involved and unless the appointments are everyday he should absolutely take them

For goodness sake, did you read the OP at all or just come on here to virtue signal?

@FootieMama - you are being completely unrealistic - if the OP and her dh now only have one car between them and that car is 20 miles away while she is at work, how the fuck can they give the PILs a lift.

Even if the BIL is not available (for whatever reason - and not wanting to is a valid reason), the PILs only live 2 miles from the hospital so a taxi would not be expensive - and the PILs apparently don't have money concerns . And anyway, there are "free" options that others have suggested.

And that's before discussing the complete lack of regard that MIL had for how the OP was after the accident and the fact that the OP needed to take photographs to "prove" that she'd had an accident

Mil has never drove, she had lessons years ago but stopped because it was ‘all too much

of course she did. Learnt helplessness and then trying to manipulate others because she can't or won't step up herself.

[quote FootieMama]@Migrainesbythedozen,
I did read the full thread. And I have similar issue with my husband's family where his elderly dad is ill. He has to travel to another country every couple of months to help them. He feels he needs to do it and I wouldn't stand in his way even when it inconveniences our family in a big way. I read between the lines that the OP is the one objecting and it should up to her husband that understand his own family needs and dynamics. Also, don't use capitals. Its rude.[/quote]
@FootieMama

And what on earth is wrong with the OP objecting?! Her MIL clearly has no time for her - isn't interested in her car accident - but just sees her, and the DH, as her personal chauffeurs.

They may be prepared to perform this role when they have two cars BUT THEY DON'T HAVE TWO CARS AND THE OP WILL BE 20 MILES AWAY - AT WORK - IN THE ONE THAT THEY DO HAVE!

Use of capitals and bold is deliberate. I'm afraid you are the one who is being rude to the OP here.

I stand by what I said. This is about a son helping his parents in a time of need. OP shouldn't try to bring him to her side, etc. And he is not weak for wanting to help

@FootieMama Please don't be rude or dense. They...have.....NO.....CAR to take him. Yet the other son has three (3) cars. The other son can take him, where the is a will there is a way, and the other son needs to take him. Please read all of the OP's posts and stop victim-blaming and stop trolling.

This is about a son helping his parents in a time of need

Exactly. Except this time, this son can't help. And there is another son ...

Stop blaming the OP.

Well, there are a lot of women who fundamentally disagree with you.

"Where there is a will, there is a way" is such a cop out the way that you have presented it, putting the "blame" on not having sufficient will on to the OP and her dh

The lack of will is on the PILs' part, who seem to be incapable of picking up a phone and ordering a taxi

It's not even as if much "bonding" would be done on a 2 mile journey, when the driver isn't even allowed into the hospital and just has to wait outside.

I'm glad my friends and family are reasonable and would never make such demands on us.

@FootieMama

I stand by what I said. This is about a son helping his parents in a time of need. OP shouldn't try to bring him to her side, etc. And he is not weak for wanting to help

How do you expect him to get his father to an appointment when he has no car, @FootieMama?

Platitudes like 'where there's a will, there's a way' will not wash - so you need to suggest a practical, achievable solution. It is very easy to moralise from behind your computer screen, and to try to guilt trip the OP - but I am sure you cannot provide a workable solution to the problem!

So, this is my last comment on this thread. Just to point out couple if things I've got from OP posts:
Husband works mornings and is free for afternoon appointments;
PIL may contribute to new car but OP plans to refuse it
She thinks they may not need a second car after all making them definitely unavailable for helping.
OP doesn't get on with MIL.
Did I understand correctly that OP has no children
So theoretically the husband could take his afternoon to help his parents out every now and then.
That's the way I see it. If course I am possibly wrong.
I dont wish to be cruel to the OP . But people can get caught out on their own emotions and don't see the big picture. If OP is in her 50s I guess his parents are elderly and may just want someone they trust with them. I don't know. But I know it doesn't seem to be such a massive impossible thing to do.

Which bit of the fact that the OP works long days in a hospital in the other direction so will have the car do you not get? It doesn't matter if their non golden boy ds only works mornings and is therefore "available" to be a taxi service in the afternoon. He. Doesn't. Have. A. Car. In. Which. To. Ferry. Them.

And if the PILs can afford to pay for a 2nd car for the OP's dh (as opposed to ask the son who already has 3 cars and who lives round the corner from the PILs ), will they then also pay the running costs like road tax and insurance? then they can fucking well afford taxis for a 2 mile journey

And I repeat: that's not even taking into consideration how insensitive the MIL is in not even being concerned about how her DIL was after the accident and how she wouldn't have believed it without the photographs. As SFTGisabevilwolef said, any decent human being with a shred of empathy would have asked how someone was feeling after an accident and not asking if it was a male or female driver

I am unsurprised that @FootieMama can’t actually provide a workable solution, despite implying it is possible (‘where there’s a will, there’s a way’).

And now she’s flounced - which is a shame, because I was longing to hear how she thought a man who had gone to work on public transport and had NO access to a car was going to drive his father to a hospital appointment.

@FootieMama what is your actual proper solution, when the OP has the car at work, 20 miles away? Not a pointless ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way’ type answer.

I wouldn’t want someone to buy me a car DH and I don’t need-that’s double the amount of petrol, car tax, maintenance and insurance that I would be paying.

Far cheaper for the in laws to get a taxi.

@FootieMama, but the car is 20 miles away from home. I am scratching my head wondering how that is going to work? Please for the love of god explain!

[quote phishy]@FootieMama you still don’t get it. THERE IS NO CAR TO DRIVE THEM.

Why is it all the people who don’t get it have mummy / mamabear / mama in their username.[/quote]
Because they are arseholes. The posts on this thread demonstrate perfectly.

Good morning everybody.

Thank you all for your support 💐💐.

We have been offered a hire car through the car insurance but after some thinking we turned it down. Firstly, we wanted to keep costs down and we can manage with one car for the foreseeable. Until then, I’ll drop dh off at work. There is a direct bus route from where he works to where we live and he says he might buy a little scooter just for the summer months.

I appreciate MIL is seeing things from a worse case scenario with FILs health, and this has manifested itself into seeing any explanations from anybody as excuses and she fears that we could stop help altogether with having the one car.

She will either need to ask DBIL or get taxis, simple.

She has used the hospital transport volunteer services before. I can’t see how she can’t get there with that, and get a taxi home if there is going to be a wait. I will look into the taxi companies mentioned for her, but we both suspect she’ll ignore alternative offers of transport.

If she offers us money for a new car, we will be turning it down as we know it will be conditional. Or, we could buy dh a scooter with it, and thank her for the extra transport 😂😂😂.

We are still waiting for the insurance to pay out.

….which we know might take a while for the insurance to pay out but it’s one of those things.

We’ve been hoping to be a one car unit for a bit and now the time has arrived.

I don’t blame you on the hire car-we had a terrible experience with one some years ago. The company claimed we had done significant damage to it (we had it for two weeks, used it twice and it was immaculate when they collected it) and tried to charge us an absolute fortune once they’d collected it. I would never have one again!

Good for you @ChocolateChocolateMint with fuel prices due to rise a lot in the next few weeks, seeing if your household can survive on one car seems very sensible.
DMIL will find other options out of necessity.

@Howshouldibehave

I don’t blame you on the hire car-we had a terrible experience with one some years ago. The company claimed we had done significant damage to it (we had it for two weeks, used it twice and it was immaculate when they collected it) and tried to charge us an absolute fortune once they’d collected it. I would never have one again!

That’s dreadful @Howshouldibehave 😮 I hope they backed down with trying to charge you.

The car hire company (Enterprise ) have not stopped mithering us, even though we made it clear we didn’t want a car.

That was another thing that put us off having a hire car anyway, apart from keeping the costs down.

@rookiemere

Good for you *@ChocolateChocolateMint* with fuel prices due to rise a lot in the next few weeks, seeing if your household can survive on one car seems very sensible. DMIL will find other options out of necessity.

Thank you @rookiemere, I can see the fuel rise crippling many people. It’s just rubbish, isn’t it?

Yes, she will find other options, I’m sure 🙂