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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child’s photo edited.

162 replies

Mom201 · 19/02/2022 21:22

Hi all.

Just want advice on if I am being over sensitive.

My DD was born nearly 3 years ago. She is the only Great Grandchild my Grandma met before she sadly died (RIP). She was the apple of her eye and a typical loving Grandma.

My sister had her son not long after my Grandma died.

My issue here is a photo. It happens it be my favourite photo - the first time Great Grandma met my DD. It has been taken without my permission, shared to a stranger and edited. Edited that my DD was removed and a photo of my DN inserted. This was then given as a present to my sister and I found out from good old social media (another whole issue with our families). I would like to add it was a family friend that did this - possibly in with another sisters input.

Not at any time was I asked or considered with this, even with the finding out.

Am I being too sensitive to the photo? The scenario? The disrespect? The sharing it with a stranger?
I don’t know if I am angry or sad about it. It’s a lovely photo but it’s the lead up to it. I don’t know where that photo has been sent too and such a precious memory to me has been taken and used.

OP posts:
JammyRascal · 19/02/2022 21:26

If I got this as a gift it would make me extremely uncomfortable. Editing out one child for the other is not ok. Ever. I would not put this photo up in my house.

I don't understand why your sister would want this; surely when she looks at it she pictures the original photo and your child.

I have seen photos where a person who has passed away has been edited into a photo with kids, this would have been the appropriate way to go in this instance. I understand it must have been sad for your sister but this was in no way the right thing for this other person to do. Its just weird.

hulahoopqueen · 19/02/2022 21:26

If I were in your shoes, yes I would be very upset. It's taking a beautiful moment that your grandma experienced with your child, and it's upsetting to think of them being edited out of that moment.
My grandma did not live to meet my children. If someone offered me a photo, edited to show her holding my child, I would treasure it completely.
🤷🏼‍♀️

cuno · 19/02/2022 21:27

I find that extremely bizarre, and I would feel uncomfortable as well if someone took a photo containing my daughter and edited her out for whatever reason. I understand their intentions behind it, but it's all just so strange.

Isntisironic1 · 19/02/2022 21:27

YANBU I would be livid, I always think these types of photos are odd anyway but each to their own. If they wanted to do that sort of thing they should have chosen a picture that nobody had to get deleted from

Teeturtle · 19/02/2022 21:27

I think it is a really weird thing to do and I don’t understand why anyone would want this doctored photo. But I don’t understand what stranger you are talking about and your original photo has not gone anywhere but you speak as if it has.

AFS1 · 19/02/2022 21:29

Oh my god, how bizarre! There are photos of my mum holding my niece. It wouldn’t cross mine or anyone else’s minds to take one of them, chop my niece out and add one of my kids instead. I’m not surprised you’re kissed off by this.

cuno · 19/02/2022 21:29

@Teeturtle

I think it is a really weird thing to do and I don’t understand why anyone would want this doctored photo. But I don’t understand what stranger you are talking about and your original photo has not gone anywhere but you speak as if it has.
By stranger I assumed she meant a professional photo editor.
Luredbyapomegranate · 19/02/2022 21:30

I think it’s a very strange think to do - I mean seriously bizarre.. but I don’t think it would really bother me in terms of the original photo. I’d just think they were nuts.

MartinMartinMarti · 19/02/2022 21:30

YANBU. I’d be really upset.

No idea what I’d do, though, sorry!

Purplepussycat · 19/02/2022 21:30

No I agree totally wrong. I djj oh by like the whole think of if someone has passed away holding a child they have never met either think it’s really bizarre. Both my mil and my grandad passed away before my children were born and I’m sad they never got to meet but they didn’t so why would I want a picture to make it appear like they did Confused

FlossMoss · 19/02/2022 21:31

What a mad thing to do!

I think I'd talk to each family member (not the sister who received it, it wasn't her) on a one to one basis that it's made you feel uncomfortable that they used a photo of your child without your knowledge and that they edited your child out of the photo. Don't let them dismiss your feelings. That's how you feel.

Then I would leave it there.

The sharing with a stranger probably wouldn't bother me.

MarceyMc · 19/02/2022 21:31

YANBU that is a really weird thing to do Confused

Phormiumjester · 19/02/2022 21:34

What a strange thing to do.

PurplePansy05 · 19/02/2022 21:35

I'd hate this and what a strange thing to do. Creepy and inappropriate.

ohhooh · 19/02/2022 21:35

Okay this is really tough - I can understand you're really upset, it's a very special memory for you. Are you close to your sisters / family?

This sort of thing isn't uncommon anymore, especially when a loved one has passed away before important occasions - like your sister having her baby. It's a fairly well known practice, e.g if a parent dies before a wedding they edit them into photos / portraits, or if a grandparent had died they edit them into a family photo.

I believe it would have been done from a place of kindness and love, but that doesn't mean you're wrong to be upset at all. If a family friend and another sister of yours did this for your other sister, would it not be because they know it would mean a lot to her? I don't for one minute believe you shouldn't have been told - it 100% should have been discussed with you. But I also don't think it's done from a place of disrespect, at least not with intention.

AskingforaBaskin · 19/02/2022 21:37

So it hasn't changed your copy at all but given your sister something nice to look at?

Does this actually affect you?

moocow123456 · 19/02/2022 21:38

That is the weirdest thing ever.

Hellocatshome · 19/02/2022 21:38

I know someone who has edited a photo of their Grandma so it looks like they have their great grandkids who they never met sat on her knee. This in itself I find weird and inappropriate but to replace one child with another is down right disrespectful and super creepy.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/02/2022 21:38

I dont know OP. As someone who doesnt like any editing at all...I personally dont see any difference between cutting and pasting a person who is no longer alive onto a family pic (which I find weird but the general consensus here is its fine) to swapping out the grandkids (general consensus is not ok). To me, neither are real, both are fake and trying to re create a situation that didnt happen.

If you're into that kind of thing I can see how she might be gutted that a relative didnt get to meet her baby (I'm gutted my gran didnt get to meet by baby, she would have been so proud) and maybe she is trying to make herself feel better. It's probably not that she is deleting your baby, more that it's the only photo she has with your gran looking and posing in the right place that she can superimpose a picture of her baby.

MrsTimRiggins · 19/02/2022 21:42

It’s weird as fuck but no, it wouldn’t upset me. You have the ‘true’ photo and the memory associated, your sister has a poor imitation of that. She must be very upset to not have had that happy experience with your GM, and I don’t think I’d begrudge her this (odd!!) image. It really, ultimately, has no effect on you.

Cherrysherbet · 19/02/2022 21:42

No, I wouldn’t be happy about that. In fact, i’d be really angry.
It’s a really weird thing to to. Very insensitive too.

FAQs · 19/02/2022 21:42

Imagine explaining that to the child when they are older, this is you with your great Grandma, except she died before you was born and this was actually your cousin, who we photoshopped out and replaced with you, strange.

Namechangehereandnow · 19/02/2022 21:43

So if I’m reading and understanding correctly, a photo has been created to show a baby being cuddled by a great grandma who died before baby was born?

If that’s the case I think it’s creepy and sick to be honest.
I can kind of understand why this other person did it, but I absolutely just don’t get it. Imagine growing up and the youngster/teen finding out they never ever actually met the ggrandma, ggrandma had already died? It just seems sick and bizarre.

GirlInACountrySong · 19/02/2022 21:44

you have the original photo?

QuillBill · 19/02/2022 21:46

@AskingforaBaskin

So it hasn't changed your copy at all but given your sister something nice to look at?

Does this actually affect you?

Could you send me a copy of your wedding photo as I've gone off my dress so if I could photoshop my face on to your wedding photo then I could put it on my mantle. Give me something nice to look at.

Also, have you got any of your baby just after he was born as my baby looks awful in mine so if I could photoshop you out and put me in with your baby that would be fantastic!