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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child’s photo edited.

162 replies

Mom201 · 19/02/2022 21:22

Hi all.

Just want advice on if I am being over sensitive.

My DD was born nearly 3 years ago. She is the only Great Grandchild my Grandma met before she sadly died (RIP). She was the apple of her eye and a typical loving Grandma.

My sister had her son not long after my Grandma died.

My issue here is a photo. It happens it be my favourite photo - the first time Great Grandma met my DD. It has been taken without my permission, shared to a stranger and edited. Edited that my DD was removed and a photo of my DN inserted. This was then given as a present to my sister and I found out from good old social media (another whole issue with our families). I would like to add it was a family friend that did this - possibly in with another sisters input.

Not at any time was I asked or considered with this, even with the finding out.

Am I being too sensitive to the photo? The scenario? The disrespect? The sharing it with a stranger?
I don’t know if I am angry or sad about it. It’s a lovely photo but it’s the lead up to it. I don’t know where that photo has been sent too and such a precious memory to me has been taken and used.

OP posts:
LIZS · 19/02/2022 22:19

Really odd

WetLookKnitwear · 19/02/2022 22:21

You have to be a creep to do this without the permission of the person in the photo (or in this case the mum’s permission).

QuillBill · 19/02/2022 22:21

[quote AskingforaBaskin]@QuillBill not the same at all. We are strangers. This is the recipients relative and child. [/quote]

You get the point though. Editing someone out of a meaningful photograph is not OK.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 19/02/2022 22:21

This is so weird.

I understand the intent, and it personally wouldn't upset me, but it's strange and as a courtesy I'd expect a family member to ask me. I probably wouldn't say no, but I'd always think how weird they were happy to have that!

AskingforaBaskin · 19/02/2022 22:22

@QuillBill no I don't. The original and digitalis still exist. She didn't destroy anything. It has no impact in real life at all.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 19/02/2022 22:23

YANBU, that is a very hurtful thing to do. My mum died over 11 years ago, If i ever have a baby (circumstances) i wouldn't dream of trying to edit a picture of my mum with the baby, especially not by say, replacing my MIL's head with my mums, it's just creepy and weird.
Sure, it's a sad thing they never met, but it is nothing more than an illusion to edit a picture to look like they did, and it's disrespectful to the person you edit out.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 19/02/2022 22:25

Well, it kind of is about her DD considering she is the one who was chopped out.

QuillBill · 19/02/2022 22:28

[quote AskingforaBaskin]@QuillBill no I don't. The original and digitalis still exist. She didn't destroy anything. It has no impact in real life at all. [/quote]

Ok, maybe for you it would have no impact. It has had an impact on the OP. Unsurprisingly in my opinion. I personally wouldn't want my child edited out of my favourite photo and my niece edited in.

Theunamedcat · 19/02/2022 22:28

Someone did it with princess Diana they edited a ghost version of her looking over her grandchild

I thought it was....unsettling

StoneofDestiny · 19/02/2022 22:29

Weird, creepy and very insensitive thing to do.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 19/02/2022 22:29

It's a very weird and oddly pointless thing for them to do, but you still have your photo and your memory, so it's not worth getting upset about.

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 22:32

@WonderfulYou

I think it’s odd that they would fake a photo but if she likes it then I’d let it go.

my gran had a painting done of my late grandad and her dog that died meeting him in heaven - it was so lovely but completely fake obviously - so I can only suspect it’s similar to that.

That's beautiful, and I have seen this done before.....

But it is not the same as the OP's situation. The OP's daughter has been airbrushed out, and the other child plopped in her place, with NO permission from the OP. Very weird and very inappropriate.

cuno · 19/02/2022 22:33

[quote AskingforaBaskin]@QuillBill no I don't. The original and digitalis still exist. She didn't destroy anything. It has no impact in real life at all. [/quote]
What a bizarre take. Lots of stuff has no "impact" on real life... except it does. It shows you, in this instance, someone's complete disregard for your own personal memories and lack of respect for you, your child and your boundaries. They didn't even ask first, so even if you happened to be okay with it (most people wouldn't, it's abnormal), then they didn't care either way. Which tells you a lot about the person who did this.

Buttons294749 · 19/02/2022 22:33

Fucking weird, creepy and odd but yabu to be upset. You have the actual pic, your child is not in the "new" pic,

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 22:33

[quote AskingforaBaskin]@QuillBill no I don't. The original and digitalis still exist. She didn't destroy anything. It has no impact in real life at all. [/quote]
Are you for real? Confused

The OP is freaked out and upset (understandably) AND most of the posters think it's as weird as fuck.

I think it's weird that you DON'T think it's weird!

autienotnaughty · 19/02/2022 22:35

Weird as fuck and yes I'd be annoyed.

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 22:35

@cuno

What a bizarre take. Lots of stuff has no "impact" on real life... except it does. It shows you, in this instance, someone's complete disregard for your own personal memories and lack of respect for you, your child and your boundaries.

They didn't even ask first, so even if you happened to be okay with it (most people wouldn't, it's abnormal), then they didn't care either way. Which tells you a lot about the person who did this.

This. ^

Thewindwhispers · 19/02/2022 22:37

Yanbu. Someone got hold of your fave pic, which is of your child meeting her great grandma, then deleted your child and inserted another. That is very weird and disrespectful to you and your child.

I’d be upset and v offended and having words with whoever did it.

shivawn · 19/02/2022 22:39

This is quite common in photoshop groups on Facebook, people asking for persons to be inserted in to photos of dead family members.....I don't get it myself, photos are for memories not fake scenes that never happened. I'd just shrug it off as being as bit weird and sad OP. I doubt they intended to cause offence.

Seema1234 · 19/02/2022 22:39

I wouldn't get upset about this as it's all types of batshit that it's almost funny. I mean, who does this stuff ??

Fast forward 20 years ' Here's a picture of you with your granny. She died in 2019.' '

'what do you mean 2019? I was born in 2020'.

' Yes that's right dear. You never actually met her, we edited a photo to make it look like you did .' Confused It's the kind of stuff you read in Bella magazine. Grin totally batshit OP. I'd just nod and ignore these loons.

Phobiaphobic · 19/02/2022 22:40

How in god's name do one third of people voting on this thread think this is okay?

Lindy2 · 19/02/2022 22:40

So they basically photoshopped a photo of your Grandma that they had.

I have to say it's not to my taste but I can't see how it really impacts on you. You still have your copy of the photo. The original that has a special meaning to you.

Another photoshopped version is a bit tacky but if your sister actually likes it then fine - she was her Grandma too.

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 22:42

@Seema1234

I wouldn't get upset about this as it's all types of batshit that it's almost funny. I mean, who does this stuff ??

Fast forward 20 years ' Here's a picture of you with your granny. She died in 2019.' '

'what do you mean 2019? I was born in 2020'.

' Yes that's right dear. You never actually met her, we edited a photo to make it look like you did .' Confused It's the kind of stuff you read in Bella magazine. Grin totally batshit OP. I'd just nod and ignore these loons.

Grin
Original poster
Mom201 · 19/02/2022 22:42

I don’t resent the photo. It is nice. I feel for my DN that one day he will be told that it’s not real, someone chopped your cousin out and put you in.
If that’s there thing, let them carry on.

DH lost his Grandma just before falling pregnant - he would never see photoshopping DD on a picture as normal (to us). He see’s it as they never met, it’s on him to teach her about Grandma rather than make it look like they had met and create a false memory.

My sister receiving it never knew about it and then shared it to social media after receiving it as the best thing ever.

I was never once asked - even if it was just a courtesy conversation. I was once part of a conversation too discussing the ‘present’ whereby it could have easily been said to me but was obviously avoided so I would not know in advance.

I have many many photos with them together. It is just well known in the family this is my favourite. The first meeting. I even have the clothes she was wearing in the photo to make a memory bear with for DD.

Whilst I see it can be normal to other people, it’s not normal to me and obviously our photo/memory. But I think from reading the replies it is more the slyness of it I am angry about, not the actual photo.
I’m 100% happy I have the original, I have the memory imprinted in my head, I have the story to tell around it happening. It’s the scenario around it.

OP posts:
EllaB22 · 19/02/2022 22:42

It is a very strange thing to go!

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