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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child’s photo edited.

162 replies

Mom201 · 19/02/2022 21:22

Hi all.

Just want advice on if I am being over sensitive.

My DD was born nearly 3 years ago. She is the only Great Grandchild my Grandma met before she sadly died (RIP). She was the apple of her eye and a typical loving Grandma.

My sister had her son not long after my Grandma died.

My issue here is a photo. It happens it be my favourite photo - the first time Great Grandma met my DD. It has been taken without my permission, shared to a stranger and edited. Edited that my DD was removed and a photo of my DN inserted. This was then given as a present to my sister and I found out from good old social media (another whole issue with our families). I would like to add it was a family friend that did this - possibly in with another sisters input.

Not at any time was I asked or considered with this, even with the finding out.

Am I being too sensitive to the photo? The scenario? The disrespect? The sharing it with a stranger?
I don’t know if I am angry or sad about it. It’s a lovely photo but it’s the lead up to it. I don’t know where that photo has been sent too and such a precious memory to me has been taken and used.

OP posts:
BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 22:42

@Phobiaphobic

How in god's name do one third of people voting on this thread think this is okay?
Batshit hour is upon us!
AcrossthePond55 · 19/02/2022 22:42

I'd find it a bit morbid, tbh. Sort of like those old momento mori photos where a 'ghost' of the deceased was superimposed on a photo of living relatives.

There's nothing you can do about it without raising a big stink though. But I do think that every time I saw it or someone mentioned it I'd say "Oh yes, the photo where 'Mary' was photoshopped out and 'Bobby' was photoshopped in" in as neutral a tone as possible.

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 22:43

On a slightly different tangent, but similar. (Altering/manipulating pics...)

This 'false image' shit puts me in mind of my friend's DH. She was always around 11 stone and a size 12-14 before having a baby, but was around the 13-14 stone mark a few months after having him. (And a size 18.)

The weight stayed with her, and several years after the birth of her son, she had a photo taken standing at the top of a hill she and her DH climbed. She was a size 18, and 13 and a half stone.

When they got home, her DH got the photo up on the computer and 'thin-ified' it. Took her waist and arms and thighs in by about 2-4 inches to make her look about 2 stone lighter. Shock

She said 'what the hell did you do that for?' Hmm He said 'just seeing what you'd look like...' 'look like if what?' she said... 'well just messing about, that's all,' he said. NO explanation at all.

Clearly he wanted her to be thinner. He said 'you can print this off and send it to your extended family 100s of miles away, and your penpals too. She said 'what the fuck? I don't look like this, so why would I?' Hmm

He literally did not GET why she was fucking fuming. Amazingly they're still together! Shock (10 years later!) And SHE is still a size 18 and 13 and a half stone. And gorgeous!

poTAYtoes · 19/02/2022 22:43

I think YABU. I can see why it might seem weird and annoying that they didn't ask, but it doesn't have to change your memory. You still have that memory and that photo. Your child was the one who actually met your grandmother. The other photo is just wishful thinking. It was perhaps not in the best taste to edit out your child, but I'd imagine it wasn't done spitefully. Maybe that was just the easiest, most realistic way to put the other child into the photo.

I think I'd try to let this go and pretend it doesn't exist. Hold on to your memories. There's no reason this should make your own photo any less precious to you, especially since yours is a photo of something that actually happened.

TonksInPurple · 19/02/2022 22:44

There seems to be a weird craze for this just now editing together pictures with people who have passed away and someone who either never met them or never knew them at the age they are now in the photo.

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 22:46

@TonksInPurple

There seems to be a weird craze for this just now editing together pictures with people who have passed away and someone who either never met them or never knew them at the age they are now in the photo.
Really? I haven't seen it myself. Although, as a pp said, I have seen people edit pics of their deceased loved one, so they are walking towards their deceased dog in Heaven...
saraclara · 19/02/2022 22:47

It is just well known in the family this is my favourite. The first meeting. I even have the clothes she was wearing in the photo to make a memory bear with for DD.

Then yes, it was absolutely wrong of the person who organised this to do so without asking you first. Have you spoken to them?

cuno · 19/02/2022 22:50

@Phobiaphobic

How in god's name do one third of people voting on this thread think this is okay?
They're probably the ones commissioning these kinds of photos.
musicmadnessnumber57806 · 19/02/2022 22:52

I just find it really odd that people are happy to have photos of events that never happened Confused

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 19/02/2022 22:52

@BearOfEasttown

On a slightly different tangent, but similar. (Altering/manipulating pics...)

This 'false image' shit puts me in mind of my friend's DH. She was always around 11 stone and a size 12-14 before having a baby, but was around the 13-14 stone mark a few months after having him. (And a size 18.)

The weight stayed with her, and several years after the birth of her son, she had a photo taken standing at the top of a hill she and her DH climbed. She was a size 18, and 13 and a half stone.

When they got home, her DH got the photo up on the computer and 'thin-ified' it. Took her waist and arms and thighs in by about 2-4 inches to make her look about 2 stone lighter. Shock

She said 'what the hell did you do that for?' Hmm He said 'just seeing what you'd look like...' 'look like if what?' she said... 'well just messing about, that's all,' he said. NO explanation at all.

Clearly he wanted her to be thinner. He said 'you can print this off and send it to your extended family 100s of miles away, and your penpals too. She said 'what the fuck? I don't look like this, so why would I?' Hmm

He literally did not GET why she was fucking fuming. Amazingly they're still together! Shock (10 years later!) And SHE is still a size 18 and 13 and a half stone. And gorgeous!

Okay, I'm horrified.

I'm going to continue to be horrified by that story all night.

DeadButDelicious · 19/02/2022 22:53

That is really weird. I wouldn't like that at all. Especially the underhanded way they've gone about it.

Gensola · 19/02/2022 22:53

This is so creepy and delusional! Anyone who edits a dead person into a photo needs some serious therapy Confused

Daisy4569 · 19/02/2022 22:54

I’d assume your sister had mentioned how sad she was that your great grandma never got to meet him and how lovely it was that you had photos of yours together and a well meaning friend has done it as a nice gesture. I’d be unhappy with my child being edited out but I can see how others might overlook it.

iRun2eatCake · 19/02/2022 22:56

Personally l find it a really bizarre thing to do.

No matter how good a photoshop it is, it's still not real! The Grandma isn't smiling or cuddling DN with love.... she's cuddling your DD.

How did they get hold of the photo?

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 22:58

@GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou It was a shitty thing to do wasn't it? 'thin-ifying' my friend! Hmm

givemeallthecheese · 19/02/2022 23:04

Blimey.

First of all, sorry for your loss.

However - I would be laughing LOUDLY and letting everyone know this photo was fake and HOW FUCKING WEIRD is it that some would do that "ha ha ha ha"

It's not okay, and rightly or not, I would ridicule it to get my point across

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 19/02/2022 23:04

I would have cropped the wanker right out of my life.

Saz12 · 19/02/2022 23:05

It’s a weird thing to do. DG isn’t cuddling cousin, never met cousin, so it’s pretend memory. Odd.

Cherrysoup · 19/02/2022 23:05

Which family member did this? It’s really, really weird!

Walkingalot · 19/02/2022 23:05

Actually I think it's a bit sick and twisted. The two subjects were never alive at the same time. To pretend otherwise is totally weird. Not to mention desecrating your own precious memories of your DC with GGM.

UniversalAunt · 19/02/2022 23:06

@Mom201 I am unsure who took the photo, was it you & someone has edited a copy, or someone else has the original & edited that?

Either way, I find it creepy AF that someone would edit in a replacement baby & pass that off as something that actually happened. Two cut out images together in a frame maybe, but not a revision of history.
Seriously weird.

So if you can, have a nice big copy of your favourite photo in a lovely frame on display at home where everyone can see it. Especially your sister.

Porcupineintherough · 19/02/2022 23:10

@Walkingalot nothing the OP says about her grandmother suggests she would feel "desecrated" about bring photoshopped with the great grandson she never met. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a loving great grandmother that would really mind, although a sizable number would likely find it a pretty weird idea.

oakleaffy · 19/02/2022 23:13

@Mom201
That would really irritate me, too.
Editing out your DC is akin to saying she doesn’t matter.

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 23:13

@musicmadnessnumber57806

I just find it really odd that people are happy to have photos of events that never happened Confused
Same.
TricolourCat · 19/02/2022 23:13

It is disrespectful and selfish. The least they could have done was to say can we are planning a copy of this picture of Grandma and return the original. You could have then said if you wished let me arrange it so you ensure it didn’t get damaged or lost. It is a ridiculous idea anyway substituting another child!