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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child’s photo edited.

162 replies

Mom201 · 19/02/2022 21:22

Hi all.

Just want advice on if I am being over sensitive.

My DD was born nearly 3 years ago. She is the only Great Grandchild my Grandma met before she sadly died (RIP). She was the apple of her eye and a typical loving Grandma.

My sister had her son not long after my Grandma died.

My issue here is a photo. It happens it be my favourite photo - the first time Great Grandma met my DD. It has been taken without my permission, shared to a stranger and edited. Edited that my DD was removed and a photo of my DN inserted. This was then given as a present to my sister and I found out from good old social media (another whole issue with our families). I would like to add it was a family friend that did this - possibly in with another sisters input.

Not at any time was I asked or considered with this, even with the finding out.

Am I being too sensitive to the photo? The scenario? The disrespect? The sharing it with a stranger?
I don’t know if I am angry or sad about it. It’s a lovely photo but it’s the lead up to it. I don’t know where that photo has been sent too and such a precious memory to me has been taken and used.

OP posts:
hiraffe · 20/02/2022 08:21

This sort of thing isn't uncommon anymore, especially when a loved one has passed away before important occasions - like your sister having her baby. It's a fairly well known practice, e.g if a parent dies before a wedding they edit them into photos / portraits, or if a grandparent had died they edit them into a family photo.

Er, says who?

SamMil · 20/02/2022 08:33

This is so weird. Why would they want a photo of a moment that never happened?

georgarina · 20/02/2022 08:38

I'm in the minority but YABU with everything apart from wanting to be consulted - I think you should have been

But I think your sister just wanted a picture of your Grandma holding her baby. Maybe odd but not wholly dissimilar to memorial pictures of people with angel wings looking over the living family etc.

You still have your photo, it hasn't been ruined or replaced.

Bostonbullsmumma · 20/02/2022 08:49

I've seen a lot of these being advertised on Facebook. My DC never met my mum but their cousins did (a fair bit older). I agree would be mad to have their cousins removed and them put in to it. I'd also feel very upset that it was a false memory. Very strange you were not consulted given the sensitivity of the photo. Also If you have the original, how did anyone else get it?

saraclara · 20/02/2022 08:50

Maybe odd but not wholly dissimilar to memorial pictures of people with angel wings looking over the living family etc.

Ugh. Those things exist? That is also as weird AF.
People are insane. If anyone gave me a photo with my late DH inserted into an event that happened after his death, or one with him with angel wings looking down on us, I'd me horrified. Naff, awful, and disrespectful to his memory and to me.

hiraffe · 20/02/2022 08:54

Maybe odd but not wholly dissimilar to memorial pictures of people with angel wings looking over the living family etc.

is this a thing too?!

georgarina · 20/02/2022 08:55

People are insane. If anyone gave me a photo with my late DH inserted into an event that happened after his death, or one with him with angel wings looking down on us, I'd me horrified. Naff, awful, and disrespectful to his memory and to me.

No, people are judgmental.

No one's talking about OP being given the picture. DSis had it made because she liked it. Not my thing, but I see why. If you'd be horrified etc I doubt you'd get one done.

Porcupineintherough · 20/02/2022 09:02

How old are you saraclara that the idea of some people liking things you dont like comes as such a shock? People have always grieved and memorialised the dead and there are fashions in this just like everything else.

hiraffe · 20/02/2022 09:04

I think we all know people like different things but some people are saying this is normal....

Karma1981 · 20/02/2022 09:07

I thought my fil getting my dd birthmark taken of a picture was bad enough.
But this is actually really disrespectful and I would be fuming.

Porcupineintherough · 20/02/2022 09:10

Its becoming normalised yes, just like turning your loved one into diamonds or jewelry (something that gives me the heebie jeebies but that other people love) became normalised 10 years ago.

hiraffe · 20/02/2022 09:14

When you say normalised that would to me be something very common. I've never heard or seen angel wings or editing in dead people up photos. So how common actually is it?

DancyNancy · 20/02/2022 09:34

I'm not sure I'd be feeling upset about it the way you are but it it's a very weird thing to do. I don't really understand what someone would get out of a pic done like that.
In terms of the photo itself I don't like pics of my kids being shared on social media but in this case your baby was taken out of the photo so it's not sharing your child online.
A bit weird and maybe strange the family friend didn't ask. But I don't think I takes away from the actual time when your grandma met your baby in real life. I guess the friend was trying to do something they thought would mean a lot to your sister I don't think there was any ill intentions

Vates · 20/02/2022 09:57

Very creepy and weird in my personal opinion. It is a fake memory.

OpheliaThrupps · 20/02/2022 10:12

To be fair social media is littered with photographs of people that have been so airbrushed, photoshopped and had stars, cat noses and whiskers added to them that their mothers wouldn't recognise them. At work we get this with photos sent in by staff members. We just need a mugshot so we know who you are. Ideally one that actually looks like you rather than a member of the Kardashian family who's had extra surgery and a special tint!

People have an increasingly distant relationship with the truth and reality. And it comes from the top of government. It's a very worrying trend I'd say. We can't deal with any of the problems we face in life or as a species when we pretend the world is how we would like it to be rather than how it is.

ChargingBuck · 20/02/2022 10:19

@hulahoopqueen

If I were in your shoes, yes I would be very upset. It's taking a beautiful moment that your grandma experienced with your child, and it's upsetting to think of them being edited out of that moment. My grandma did not live to meet my children. If someone offered me a photo, edited to show her holding my child, I would treasure it completely. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Eh?

So ... if someone edited your pic of grandma & baby you'd be very upset.

But if someone edited someone else's pic to insert your baby into the grandma pic, that would be ok?

SoupDragon · 20/02/2022 10:19

My sister receiving it never knew about it and then shared it to social media after receiving it as the best thing ever.

Your sister is delighted. You still have the original, and the actual memory, so nothing has changed for you. I think you just need to let it go. I think it's a bit odd, yes, but I would focus on the fact that my sister was so happy with it given it has "cost" me nothing.

You call it a photo of your child but it's equally a photo of your grandmother.

Who took the photo originally?

swirlsy · 20/02/2022 10:33

@ChargingBuck that's often the logic though 😆

swirlsy · 20/02/2022 10:38

People have an increasingly distant relationship with the truth and reality. And it comes from the top of government. It's a very worrying trend I'd say. We can't deal with any of the problems we face in life or as a species when we pretend the world is how we would like it to be rather than how it is.

it's terrifying!

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 20/02/2022 10:43

My grandma did not live to meet my children. If someone offered me a photo, edited to show her holding my child, I would treasure it completely.

But why? Why not treasure the memory of your grandmother as it was? Why do you need fake memories?

RightOnTheEdge · 20/02/2022 10:46

Karma1981
I thought my fil getting my dd birthmark taken of a picture was bad enough
That's awful!

I can't really decide if I'd be angry about the OP's photo or not. If you still have the original photo then it's not really hurting you in any way.
I don't get it from the sister's point of view though.
My Grandma never met my ds. If I had a photo of them edited together I'd know it was fake and never happened and so would the rest of the family so I just don't see the point of it.

DarkDarkNight · 20/02/2022 10:56

That’s very weird. It’s strange your sister would even want a fake photo, it didn’t happen and I think it’s a bit creepy.

seekinglondonlife · 20/02/2022 11:02

To me it's a bit odd but reading the thread shows there are people who really treasure things like this. The sister is clearly very upset that the DGM didn't get to meet her son, so for that I'd let it go. It doesn't make the OPs baby's meeting with the DGGM any less special, because that happened IRL and the latter didn't. As long as my original photo was not ruined in any way I'd not be that bothered.

FloBot7 · 20/02/2022 11:30

I wouldn't be angry about it but I'd find it really odd.

catfunk · 20/02/2022 11:36

I mean it's a bit weird but I wouldn't be worried about them sharing the image of your kid if your kid has been edited out of it ?