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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child’s photo edited.

162 replies

Mom201 · 19/02/2022 21:22

Hi all.

Just want advice on if I am being over sensitive.

My DD was born nearly 3 years ago. She is the only Great Grandchild my Grandma met before she sadly died (RIP). She was the apple of her eye and a typical loving Grandma.

My sister had her son not long after my Grandma died.

My issue here is a photo. It happens it be my favourite photo - the first time Great Grandma met my DD. It has been taken without my permission, shared to a stranger and edited. Edited that my DD was removed and a photo of my DN inserted. This was then given as a present to my sister and I found out from good old social media (another whole issue with our families). I would like to add it was a family friend that did this - possibly in with another sisters input.

Not at any time was I asked or considered with this, even with the finding out.

Am I being too sensitive to the photo? The scenario? The disrespect? The sharing it with a stranger?
I don’t know if I am angry or sad about it. It’s a lovely photo but it’s the lead up to it. I don’t know where that photo has been sent too and such a precious memory to me has been taken and used.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 19/02/2022 23:14

This sort of thing isn't uncommon anymore, especially when a loved one has passed away before important occasions - like your sister having her baby. It's a fairly well known practice, e.g if a parent dies before a wedding they edit them into photos / portraits, or if a grandparent had died they edit them into a family photo.

Bloody hell. You learn something new (and totally batshit) every day.

Genealogists of the future are going to be pissed…

BearOfEasttown · 19/02/2022 23:15

Editing a dead person into a photo is commonplace now? WHYYYYYYYYYY?

Lampzade · 19/02/2022 23:16

Sorry that is just weird

Nemorth · 19/02/2022 23:37

My DH edited a toddler photo of me and my Mum to be a toddle photographer of my DS and my Mum.

My mum died when I was 8.

I treasure this photo beyond measure. I know it's not real but just imagining her holding him like that is so precious. I'm nearly in tears thinking about it now.

I love it.

However. It was a picture of me that was edited and I'm ok with that.

I think I'd be upset in your shoes but I also know the power of that gift. I wish your permission had been sought. That might have made it better.

I don't know what to say OP.

AmyDudley · 19/02/2022 23:37

the concept reminds me of those weird Victorian dead photos - where dead people (actual dead people before they were buried) were propped up in photos with other family members. Often it was children but also you get some dead older people propped in an armchair while others stood round them trying to look normal.
They are the creepiest photos ever, quite disturbing.

I think the whole idea of the fake photo to include people who have passed is very weird and something I can't get my head around at all. If someone gave me a photo like that I'd be freaked out. I think taking your photo without your permission is disrespectful, it shows a total lack of awareness by the person who did it that it never occurred to them that this was inappropriate.

TokenGinger · 19/02/2022 23:46

I couldn't care less in this position. My Nana died a week before my niece was born. If somebody took my Nana's first photo with my son and photoshopped my niece, I would be so happy that my brother had such a beautiful photo of them.

Swear · 19/02/2022 23:47

I feel that making that kind of photo is disrespectful of the dead person. Their life is being turned into a fake. A commodity in a way.

Divebar2021 · 19/02/2022 23:49

It’s a little sad that the Great Grandma didn’t get to meet the baby but having a photo doesn’t mean she got to meet the baby. So the kid will potentially grow up asking “who am I with in this photo?” “Oh that’s your great grandma” “oh I don’t remember her” “no she died before you were born… this is what it might have looked like if you had met her” Pointless.

OpheliaThrupps · 19/02/2022 23:59

It's a very weird thing to do. I would not want a novelty faked photo of something that never happened if I was the parent of the child that was spliced in. I mean why not splice him into Leonardo's Last Supper, or the moon landings?

But to be honest I don't think I would be much bothered as the "owner" of the original photograph. I mean you still have it.

AmyDudley · 20/02/2022 00:16

I don;t understand why people say 'it's a lovely photo of them together' - it isn't. It is tow separate photos of two people who were never together. I surely has no sentimental value because it doesn't exist in reality.
Everyone who thinks this kind of thing is normal, would you have thought it normal if photos of Prince Harry's wedding had had Diana photoshopped into them - up on the balcony waving along with the other royals, sitting in the church, maybe sitting in the group photos of Archie's Christening, holding the baby perhaps ? Or would you like 99.9% of people have thought 'that is fucking insane'?

saraclara · 20/02/2022 00:29

Or would you like 99.9% of people have thought 'that is fucking insane'

I suspect you're being naive there @AmyDudley. I bet there are far more people than you and I would be comfortable with, who'd actually love that.

StarsAndSugarlumps · 20/02/2022 00:34

Genealogists of the future are going to be pissed…

@NoSquirrels you always have a fantastic way of summing things up!

Walkingalot · 20/02/2022 06:17

@Porcupineintherough - I meant the Mum feeling like that about her DC's photo with GGM - desecrated definition can also mean - spoil something which is valued or respected.

Rosieposie101 · 20/02/2022 06:31

You're being really really unreasonable, unless the ONLY copy of this photo was edited and you no longer have a copy of the original.

Saltyquiche · 20/02/2022 06:33

There was kind intent behind it I’m sure. I would opt not to be upset and instead view it slightly quirky. Saying that friends took our own wedding photos and we gave my uncle a photoshop head transplant in one group image. In the original he was pulling a weird facial expression

Gensola · 20/02/2022 07:53

I can’t believe the number of people who think that a completely fake photo is “lovely” or anything other than a lie. My brother died in 2020 and wasn’t at my wedding and I would be disgusted and upset if someone added him in to the photos because HE WASNT THERE. It’s honestly worrying that people have so little grip on reality.

looklikeanelephant · 20/02/2022 07:58

@Teeturtle

I think it is a really weird thing to do and I don’t understand why anyone would want this doctored photo. But I don’t understand what stranger you are talking about and your original photo has not gone anywhere but you speak as if it has.
This voices how I feel tbh. I wouldn't want an edited photo BUT the original is still there.
heyitsthistle · 20/02/2022 08:08

I find this sort of thing REALLY WEIRD but I think you're BU to be quite so upset about it. But only a little U as it was the complaint about 'sharing it with a stranger' that pushed me over the edge to unreasonabledom.

I think false memories are the weirdest thing. I guess it stems from Instagram filter territory. It's awful.

Stressedout1009 · 20/02/2022 08:09

Bizarrely I don't think this is that weird. Probably because I'm in a group on FB (roughly 400k members) and this kind of request that comes up all the time. I don't know if I would be that upset. Your dd has an actual photo with your GM, your nephew unfortunately did not get that opportunity. Would you really be that petty to not let them have that photo. You know yours is real and theirs isn't at the end of the day. Can't you understand why they might have done it. Your other sister was also part of this, so it's others who also don't think this so weird.

Stressedout1009 · 20/02/2022 08:12

@givemeallthecheese

Blimey.

First of all, sorry for your loss.

However - I would be laughing LOUDLY and letting everyone know this photo was fake and HOW FUCKING WEIRD is it that some would do that "ha ha ha ha"

It's not okay, and rightly or not, I would ridicule it to get my point across

Would you really be so nasty? I'm sure family members would know that the photo is fake but also know why the dsis would have done that ? I can't see that coming from a spiteful place, rather than a place of really feeling the GM loss.
christingle2 · 20/02/2022 08:13

To be honest, it is weird, but under the circumstances (people involved grieving; photo involving dead family member) I couldn’t get annoyed about this.

hiraffe · 20/02/2022 08:16

Err, that is weird af. I think I would be less bothered about my dc edited out (doesn't make much difference) but just bizarre that someone would do this of want this.

Fairislefandango · 20/02/2022 08:16

I think it’s a very strange think to do - I mean seriously bizarre.. but I don’t think it would really bother me in terms of the original photo. I’d just think they were nuts.

^This. I mean... nothing has been taken away from you. You still have your photo with your dc in it, right?

hiraffe · 20/02/2022 08:18

I don;t understand why people say 'it's a lovely photo of them together' - it isn't. It is tow separate photos of two people who were never together. I surely has no sentimental value because it doesn't exist in reality.

Yeah this is weird. When I look at a photo it invokes memories. These memories don't exist because the scenario never happened!

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 20/02/2022 08:18

It's bonkers but I can't imagine getting upset over it.

You still have the original photo.