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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child’s photo edited.

162 replies

Mom201 · 19/02/2022 21:22

Hi all.

Just want advice on if I am being over sensitive.

My DD was born nearly 3 years ago. She is the only Great Grandchild my Grandma met before she sadly died (RIP). She was the apple of her eye and a typical loving Grandma.

My sister had her son not long after my Grandma died.

My issue here is a photo. It happens it be my favourite photo - the first time Great Grandma met my DD. It has been taken without my permission, shared to a stranger and edited. Edited that my DD was removed and a photo of my DN inserted. This was then given as a present to my sister and I found out from good old social media (another whole issue with our families). I would like to add it was a family friend that did this - possibly in with another sisters input.

Not at any time was I asked or considered with this, even with the finding out.

Am I being too sensitive to the photo? The scenario? The disrespect? The sharing it with a stranger?
I don’t know if I am angry or sad about it. It’s a lovely photo but it’s the lead up to it. I don’t know where that photo has been sent too and such a precious memory to me has been taken and used.

OP posts:

Woahthehorsey · 20/02/2022 11:36

It wouldn't upset me but I think it's really weird. I hate stuff like this, like the photos of Diana with Charlotte and George, it's creepy.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 20/02/2022 11:39

I find this really creepy and my dd never met my dad but no way would l want a fake picture of them together

BearOfEasttown · 20/02/2022 11:48

@SamMil

This is so weird. Why would they want a photo of a moment that never happened?

I know right. It's like me using the face-in-hole app (no smutty comments please!) and popping my face where Margot Robbie's was, at the Wolf Of Wall Street Premiere. Then pretending it's me with Leo, and printing photos out to preserve the 'memory...'

It never happened, I was not there - next to him - at that premiere. I was not in those photos, and I was not at that event. It's just bizarre. No-one can say any different. It's just every shade of weird.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 20/02/2022 11:55

This is so weird. Why would they want a photo of a moment that never happened?

I've been thinking about this, it's so bizarre, and I think it's because for some people a memory is for showing, not living. Explains also the manic taking of photos instead of just being in a moment.

LittleMousewithcloggson · 20/02/2022 11:58

I think YABU but only because you have your photo, it is special, it is real and it holds memories that can’t be taken away
Your sister obviously wishes she had those memories and if a “fake” photo means so much to her then I wouldn’t resent it at all
We had similar when my DD was edited out of a wedding photo as family members just wanted a photo of bride and groom
That was fine by me - it’s only a photo

Sceptre86 · 20/02/2022 12:01

I'd have messaged the family friend that created it and told them not to edit any photos of your child again.

Gizacluethen · 20/02/2022 12:04

They should have asked you. It's kinda spiteful/jealous that your baby was edited out and replaced with theirs. Almost like they're saying it should have been their baby, not yours that their grandmother loved.

I've seen photos of babies edited into pictures of their dead grandparents but never by replacing another child.

I don't know if I'd like a picture of DS with my nana, I wish she'd have met him. But I don't see how pretending they did would be nice.

BearOfEasttown · 20/02/2022 12:17

@Gizacluethen

I've seen photos of babies edited into pictures of their dead grandparents but never by replacing another child.

I don't know if I'd like a picture of DS with my nana, I wish she'd have met him. But I don't see how pretending they did would be nice.

Yeah this. ^ My DH's parents died several years before our DC were born, and 'photo-shopping' them into a photo of his parents (from the early 1990s when DH's parents were alive, and before our 2 kids were born) is batshit.

Basically because DH's parents didn't know our 2 kids because they didn't exist when they were alive. And our 2 kids didn't ever know DH's parents, because they weren't born when DH's parents were alive! Our kids weren't born til the mid 1990s!!

Why don't I photo-shop myself aged 15 (in the 1980s,) onto my nan's wedding photos from the 1930s? Make myself a bridesmaid there. I mean, I wasn't born, and she died several years before I was born, but HEY I can always tell people I am in possession of a time machine!

Elieza · 20/02/2022 12:19

Photoshop is everywhere nowadays. Nobody looks real at the best of times! Bunny ears, thinner etc.

“You have the original, and the actual memory, so nothing has changed for you. I think you just need to let it go. I think it's a bit odd, yes, but I would focus on the fact that my sister was so happy with it given it has "cost" me nothing.

You call it a photo of your child but it's equally a photo of your grandmother.”

I agree with the above. Yes it’s a bit weird. It has no memories attached. It’s just a way for your sister to have a picture (not a photo as it isn’t, it’s just a representation of two people she wishes had met)

It’s not about your child being physically replaced somehow. It’s just a picture. Like a painting. It’s posed. It’s not meant to disrespect anyone.

If it brings your sister comfort what’s the harm? (Equally she may hate it with a passion but has no choice but to rave about it to avoid offending the sender). Laugh at the weird tomfoolery and move on. Life’s too short to worry about silly pictures.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/02/2022 16:35

I posted earlier, but I just realized that I have a picture of my DS1as a tiny baby with my grandmother. She died when DS1 turned two. I would NEVER have 'shopped' that picture to put my DS2 in DS1's place as a 'nice memento'. If I wouldn't do it, no one else should do so with their own child without asking first.

Still don't know that you can actually do anything about it though. I guess the 'best' thing you could say would be that it bothers you and makes you sad as it seems as if your child is being 'erased' from GGM's 'life experiences'.

cheekyasfish · 20/02/2022 16:38

Why'd somebody want a photo of their baby with relative who died before they were born?

How very odd. A memory that isnt a real memory. A moment captured that's false

PinkSyCo · 20/02/2022 17:14

I find this sort of stuff so weird but I also feel kind of sad on your sister’s behalf. It obviously would have meant a lot for your grandma to have met her baby and if this photo makes her feel better I wouldn’t resent it if I were you. You are fortunate to have the memory and the original photo after all.

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