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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think punish him on your own bloody time and give DS his toy back?

532 replies

toddlertantrumishell · 19/02/2022 12:54

DS very favourite toy is his paw patrol tower and all of the characters and cars that park in it. It is all he plays with. Yesterday I was out for the day and DS had lots of tantrums with DH and DS bit him. As punishment DH took his tower and all the cars and characters away from him and has said he can have them back Sunday night when DH gets home if he's been a good boy all weekend.

Of course DS shouldn't be biting, and his tantrums are savage and go on for fucking ages, I get it. But it's midday Saturday and I'm alone with him all weekend and he's doing my absolutely head in. He's done nothing but cry and whine and moan. He won't play it with anything else he's tearing around the house looking for his tower. I cannot deal with the crying anymore and I'm in for an entire weekend of a relentlessly tantrumming toddler, because he's being punished for annoying DH with tantrums?

Aibu to think punish him in your own bloody time and don't make me deal with the reality of it?! I want to give it back just to stop the fucking noise before I really lose it with him myself. I'm pregnant and knackered and honestly he is on my final nerve

OP posts:
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 21:12

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HogDogKetchup · 21/02/2022 21:12

@Pumperthepumper

And also, I think there’s an argument that it’s actually really good for children to see an adult model ‘I was wrong to do that, I’m sorry’. Instead of following through on some ridiculous thing because they said it and they can’t show any ‘weakness’ by ‘backing down’.
Absolutely
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 21:12

All i can say is good luck raising teens with this approach!

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 21:16

[quote FairWindClearSailing]@Pumperthepumper I think you've done well to remain calm and articulate in your posts and explanations considering what you've been up against.

Fwiw - my toddler bit me twice one day last year. it was out of frustration. He can't talk. I didn't punish, I used methods similar to pumper. DS hasn't bitten me since.

Posters claiming pumpers parenting doesn't make sense, how on earth does it make sense to take away a toy for biting when the child has no idea why? Op even wrote her son thought it was because he was sad and crying...[/quote]
Pumpers parenting doesn't make sense as she is saying there are no consequences for bad behaviour and that's just soooooo wrong

HogDogKetchup · 21/02/2022 21:20

@velvet24

All i can say is good luck raising teens with this approach!
If yours model your behaviour they would exhaust you with their relentless bickering and point scoring.
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 21:21

Well they are great kids actually so i know i have done the right thing,

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 21:22

And shock horror we punished them when we had to! Amazing how they survived isn't it?

DrSbaitso · 21/02/2022 21:33

If yours model your behaviour they would exhaust you with their relentless bickering and point scoring.

Sounds like teens to me.

Aria999 · 21/02/2022 21:42

At that age I used to take a toy away from DS for 5 or 10 minutes!

NeverForgetYourDreams · 21/02/2022 21:48

I once put DS teddies he sleeps with in a plastic box because he did something very bad. I can't even remember what it was now

I still feel terrible now even though he doesn't remember it

At 16 he can understand consequences but at 3 he wouldn't have

Looking back we made some wrong decisions along the way. Hasn't affected DS at all but I still wonder if we could have done better

Parenting is tough

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 21:57

We used to take a favourite toy away for say, half an hour but always used time out and it worked well. Parenting is tough yes but we all need to punish at some point with a child , nothing wrong with it if done correctly and the child knows the boundaries then.

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 21:58

Parenting is tough. And I don’t think anyone looks back and thinks they did everything perfectly. The early years seem so relentless too, it’s easy to criticise yourself later on but being in the thick of it can be awful. I remember my mum telling me about one of my non-sleepers that I’d miss that time when they grew up. I don’t and I never have. It was really tough.

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 21:58

@DrSbaitso

If yours model your behaviour they would exhaust you with their relentless bickering and point scoring.

Sounds like teens to me.

Ha ha yes, mine are pretty good and don't bicker to be fair but can be a pain in the ass!
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 21:59

@Pumperthepumper

Parenting is tough. And I don’t think anyone looks back and thinks they did everything perfectly. The early years seem so relentless too, it’s easy to criticise yourself later on but being in the thick of it can be awful. I remember my mum telling me about one of my non-sleepers that I’d miss that time when they grew up. I don’t and I never have. It was really tough.
Well then appreciate that punishment is ok? Hope we can at least agree on that
Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 22:01

What? Why on earth would we agree that?

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 22:03

You literally just said its tough etc etc so why is punishment so bad? Not talking about severe unfair punishment but punishment for the child fitting for their age and the situation, what is so awful about putting a 3 year old in time out for 3 mins. being in the thick of it is awful, right?

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 22:04

@velvet24

You literally just said its tough etc etc so why is punishment so bad? Not talking about severe unfair punishment but punishment for the child fitting for their age and the situation, what is so awful about putting a 3 year old in time out for 3 mins. being in the thick of it is awful, right?
It’s awful, but you don’t punish them for it!
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 22:05

Course you do if the situation deems so, and there is nothing wrong with that, I don't understand how you can be so preachy?

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 22:07

No. Punishing a child because you’re finding it tough is atrocious. Something about this thread has really rattled your cage, I’m starting to see that you’re actually not so confident in the way you raised your children after all.

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 22:09

I never said punishing a child because i found it tough, i meant if there is a situation of bad behaviour then it has conseqences/ I am 100% confident in the way I've raised my children, how dare you?

This thread seems all about you and how perfect you want to appear to be but you arent are you?

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 22:10

@velvet24

I never said punishing a child because i found it tough, i meant if there is a situation of bad behaviour then it has conseqences/ I am 100% confident in the way I've raised my children, how dare you?

This thread seems all about you and how perfect you want to appear to be but you arent are you?

Course you do if the situation deems so

Your response to ‘being in the thick of it is awful but you don’t punish them for it’.

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 22:10

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velvet24 · 21/02/2022 22:11

I did not mean that, read it properly, !

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 22:11

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velvet24 · 21/02/2022 22:11

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