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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think punish him on your own bloody time and give DS his toy back?

532 replies

toddlertantrumishell · 19/02/2022 12:54

DS very favourite toy is his paw patrol tower and all of the characters and cars that park in it. It is all he plays with. Yesterday I was out for the day and DS had lots of tantrums with DH and DS bit him. As punishment DH took his tower and all the cars and characters away from him and has said he can have them back Sunday night when DH gets home if he's been a good boy all weekend.

Of course DS shouldn't be biting, and his tantrums are savage and go on for fucking ages, I get it. But it's midday Saturday and I'm alone with him all weekend and he's doing my absolutely head in. He's done nothing but cry and whine and moan. He won't play it with anything else he's tearing around the house looking for his tower. I cannot deal with the crying anymore and I'm in for an entire weekend of a relentlessly tantrumming toddler, because he's being punished for annoying DH with tantrums?

Aibu to think punish him in your own bloody time and don't make me deal with the reality of it?! I want to give it back just to stop the fucking noise before I really lose it with him myself. I'm pregnant and knackered and honestly he is on my final nerve

OP posts:
hellithurt · 21/02/2022 19:48

@EarringsandLipstick

H*ellihurt * There's really no need to be so aggressive. I wasn't being condescending. I was explaining something I didn't know at one time.

It's a shame you keep needing to attack & be rude to people. Sure, disagree but why write such nasty posts?

When you're address MH me, could you tag me?

This post is quite fast moving and I'm worried I'll miss you responding to me.

EarringsandLipstick · 21/02/2022 19:49

We did a minute for each age of the child like Supernanny, they then had to talk to us and say sorry, realise what they had done , but for those 3-4 mins or whatever they had alone time to think and not get any attention

Oh ok. That is a punishment.

I don't agree with it - of course it's your choice (or was, I know your DC are older now).

I think it's really harsh for small kids to be ignored like that. There are a lot of psychologists who agree & suggest that the DC says whatever you want to get off the Naughty Step or whatever.

(I respect that was your choice, it's just my view).

hellithurt · 21/02/2022 19:49

*me

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:49

You have NEVER punished? Oh come on I'm sorry I don't believe a word , utter rubbish, so your children have got to whatever age they are with not ONE punishment? Wow !

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:50

@EarringsandLipstick

We did a minute for each age of the child like Supernanny, they then had to talk to us and say sorry, realise what they had done , but for those 3-4 mins or whatever they had alone time to think and not get any attention

Oh ok. That is a punishment.

I don't agree with it - of course it's your choice (or was, I know your DC are older now).

I think it's really harsh for small kids to be ignored like that. There are a lot of psychologists who agree & suggest that the DC says whatever you want to get off the Naughty Step or whatever.

(I respect that was your choice, it's just my view).

It worked brilliantly and my kids are fantastic and respectful now. It is not damaging in any way.
Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 19:50

@velvet24

You have NEVER punished? Oh come on I'm sorry I don't believe a word , utter rubbish, so your children have got to whatever age they are with not ONE punishment? Wow !
No, I have never punished them. I said upthread, I’m a teacher and I also don’t punish the kids I teach.
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:51

You are unbelievable, really, so your kids are perfect then , and never done anything wrong at all , ever? Even teachers have to carry out punishments, no detentions, no lines, no time outs? What school is this !!

EarringsandLipstick · 21/02/2022 19:52

@velvet24

Earrnigns and Lipstick are you in cahoots with Pumper?
What does that mean? I happen to agree with Pumper. That's all

I've been on other threads where Pumper's thoughts have made me reflect on my own parenting so I think she's wise. Maybe I'd disagree on other matters I don't know 😂

I'm quite a hot-headed parent as it happens, lots of learning has happened for me over the years, and more to come. I make plenty of mistakes. Just in case I sound like I think I've got it all worked out. I know I don't. I think I do a pretty good job of reflecting though, and acknowledging where I got it wrong, and my kids seem to be doing ok - so far!

EarringsandLipstick · 21/02/2022 19:53

you really can't speak to other adults like that!

But you can? Speak the way you are to others here? Insulting them because you disagree.

That's a bit hypocritical is it not?

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:53

Sure you can agree, looks like you are both in the minority here but carry on!

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 19:53

@velvet24

You are unbelievable, really, so your kids are perfect then , and never done anything wrong at all , ever? Even teachers have to carry out punishments, no detentions, no lines, no time outs? What school is this !!
No, of course the did wrong things! Of course they had tantrums and sarcasm and all the other developmental stages! But I never punished them, no.

And I teach in Scotland. No punishments, no detentions. No punishments.

hellithurt · 21/02/2022 19:54

@EarringsandLipstick you'd never have told me I wasn't following etiquette if you weren't in cahoots with @Pumperthepumper.

@Pumperthepumper had not left this thread alone for days and days. Banging on about her being right and anyone else with a different opinion is wrong.

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 19:55

Ah thanks @EarringsandLipstick! That’s nice to read, thank you. I don’t think any of us have got it all worked out, we just do our best Flowers

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:55

Wow remind me to not recommend that school, no punishments, so by doing nothing you are teaching them bad behaviour is fine?

So how did you deal with the things they did wrong?

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:55

[quote hellithurt]**@EarringsandLipstick* you'd never have told me I wasn't following etiquette if you weren't in cahoots with @Pumperthepumper*.

@Pumperthepumper had not left this thread alone for days and days. Banging on about her being right and anyone else with a different opinion is wrong. [/quote]
Hear hear!

EarringsandLipstick · 21/02/2022 19:55

@velvet24

Sure you can agree, looks like you are both in the minority here but carry on!
I don't think so? However, there isn't any chance of a productive conversation here and I don't really like being insulted so I'll leave you to it.

I think there was an interesting conversation to be had about parenting styles and choices. I was very respectful about your choice, not sure why I can't have the same courtesy?

All the best 👋

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 19:55

@velvet24

Wow remind me to not recommend that school, no punishments, so by doing nothing you are teaching them bad behaviour is fine?

So how did you deal with the things they did wrong?

Like what? Give me an example.
hellithurt · 21/02/2022 19:56

@EarringsandLipstick

you really can't speak to other adults like that!

But you can? Speak the way you are to others here? Insulting them because you disagree.

That's a bit hypocritical is it not?

Missed this one, please tag in future!
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:56

Pumper, you tell me what things they did wrong?

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 19:57

@velvet24

Pumper, you tell me what things they did wrong?
The kids in my class?
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 19:57

No, your kids?

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 19:59

@velvet24

No, your kids?
Why? I said upthread, the usual stuff. Tantrums, grumpiness, refusing to eat dinner. Sarcasm, eye rolling. And so on.
velvet24 · 21/02/2022 20:00

OK and how did you treat that?

Also what happens at your school then if a child is badly behaved in class, and you forgot your crystal ball that day?

Pumperthepumper · 21/02/2022 20:02

@velvet24

OK and how did you treat that?

Also what happens at your school then if a child is badly behaved in class, and you forgot your crystal ball that day?

I’ve already told you what I did. I worked out why they were behaving like that and tried to make it better for them, so they wouldn’t do it again.

I work in a fairly deprived school so when we see bad behaviour (like chair throwing, for example) it’s generally because they’ve got such a shit home life that they’re in a panic and can’t get out of it. So I wouldn’t punish that kid, because it would only make their life more shit.