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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think punish him on your own bloody time and give DS his toy back?

532 replies

toddlertantrumishell · 19/02/2022 12:54

DS very favourite toy is his paw patrol tower and all of the characters and cars that park in it. It is all he plays with. Yesterday I was out for the day and DS had lots of tantrums with DH and DS bit him. As punishment DH took his tower and all the cars and characters away from him and has said he can have them back Sunday night when DH gets home if he's been a good boy all weekend.

Of course DS shouldn't be biting, and his tantrums are savage and go on for fucking ages, I get it. But it's midday Saturday and I'm alone with him all weekend and he's doing my absolutely head in. He's done nothing but cry and whine and moan. He won't play it with anything else he's tearing around the house looking for his tower. I cannot deal with the crying anymore and I'm in for an entire weekend of a relentlessly tantrumming toddler, because he's being punished for annoying DH with tantrums?

Aibu to think punish him in your own bloody time and don't make me deal with the reality of it?! I want to give it back just to stop the fucking noise before I really lose it with him myself. I'm pregnant and knackered and honestly he is on my final nerve

OP posts:
00100001 · 19/02/2022 13:09

Wow, harsh

Sarahcoggles · 19/02/2022 13:10

I’d give it back now. This kind of punishment doesn’t work at this age. He won’t even be connecting the lack of toy with the behaviour any more.

MistyFrequencies · 19/02/2022 13:10

Give the toy back. No fucking way is that a fair punishment for a 3 year old. He doesn't understand what's going on. Your DH is being ridiculous.

YNK · 19/02/2022 13:11

Do not get irritated and snappy with this childs pleading.
Do get irritated and snappy with your man-child.

Bunnycat101 · 19/02/2022 13:11

I think I’m between the two of you on this. Normally when my nearly 3 year old has a tantrum it is because she’s just overwhelmed and best approach is to give her a cuddle. My older one used to have mega meltdowns and just needed space and often white noise to calm down. But… he is old enough to know biting is not ok and I think you have to be doing a bit more to tackle the biting if it is frequent. He probably does understand a toy being taken away straight away but unlikely to understand it going missing for 3 days.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 19/02/2022 13:12

What Misty just said.

ParalysisByAnalysis · 19/02/2022 13:12

I mean it’s not a great punishment. But you know what they don’t come with a manual. And I can see why your husband feels he needed a consequence for biting.

My husband was a nightmare for this with our seven year old. “Behave or you won’t be going to the party” - is it my husband that’s going to have to phone her pals mum to say she can’t go to the party? It is not.

BananaBender · 19/02/2022 13:12

Give it back.

In my family bans or confiscations have to be done by the parent who decides on that as the punishment. One day when my DD was little DH put some sort of punishment in place that resulted in an upset whining DD and he then expected me to carry it out while he went to work. Didn't happen again after I got angry at him that evening.

Fuck putting up with tantrums that DH should be dealing with.

colliecolliecollieoioioi · 19/02/2022 13:13

Your husband has an anger problem.

CatSpeakForDummies · 19/02/2022 13:13

I think it would be wrong to just give it back while your DS is still being badly behaved. I wouldn't have given such a harsh punishment in the first place, but undoing it won't help now.

Can you get him to gradually earn the bits back. "DS if you come and do some nice drawing, you can have this car back," "brilliant, because you ate your lunch so nicely you can have this character..."

MirandaWest · 19/02/2022 13:13

That is a ridiculous punishment. And the frustration is likely to make him bite more I should think.

Oysterbabe · 19/02/2022 13:14

Give it back. He's 2, JFC. The punishment is far too removed from the crime for him to understand and for it to be effective.

IsItTooHotInHere · 19/02/2022 13:14

He's not even 3. Kids of that age have tantrums. Give him the Paw Patrol toy back. He's not old enough to have a punishment of withholding things for a whole weekend!

Your husband is ridiculous, and with another baby on the way, he needs to learn how to deal with a toddler having a tantrum - a short, sharp punishment of being told off there and then, would suffice.

Stripyhoglets1 · 19/02/2022 13:15

I'd give it back and tell dh he only imposes punishments like this when he's here to deal with the fall out.
Tbh ds won't know its been given back early and the impact of not having it for some time has already been felt.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 19/02/2022 13:15

If you think your DH would have punished him differently had he been home all weekend to deal with the fallout then yes YANBU to over rule in this instance and your DS is too young to interpret it as undermining which an older child may do. Medium term I think how you both handle tantrums, particularly biting, need to align a bit more so this doesn't happen again.

AskingforaBaskin · 19/02/2022 13:15

@CatSpeakForDummies

I think it would be wrong to just give it back while your DS is still being badly behaved. I wouldn't have given such a harsh punishment in the first place, but undoing it won't help now.

Can you get him to gradually earn the bits back. "DS if you come and do some nice drawing, you can have this car back," "brilliant, because you ate your lunch so nicely you can have this character..."

He isn't being badly behaved. He's 2. He's acting like a 2 year old who doesn't understand where his favourite item is.
Skiptheheartsandflowers · 19/02/2022 13:15

I'd give it him back and tell your DH that if he wants to impose that punishment he'll need to be present the entire time himself. If you're there and in charge, you decide the appropriate consequence.

billy1966 · 19/02/2022 13:17

Are you out of your mind paying any attention to your gobshite of a husband laying down the law as he swans off🙄

You're a bigger fool to be listening to him.

Give it back to your son.

If he mentions it, tell him you support him completely and will be off out for the day next week and will take these toys with you so HE can supervise the punishment.

What a gobshite.

You have my sympathy, but give your head a wobble paying ANY heed to a man that isn't there.

Flowers
AliceW89 · 19/02/2022 13:17

Your DH’s expectations are wild if he thinks removing the entire favourite toy of a 2 year old for 48h is going to have some magical change on their future behaviour. This is not proper discipline, no matter what your style of parenting.

Kittykat93 · 19/02/2022 13:18

Omg he's 2 ffs. Taking away his favorite toy for a whole weekend is just mean.

Wheresmycustard · 19/02/2022 13:22

At the age of 2, not being allowed to play with it for 2 minutes is more than enough.

No 2 (or 3) year old such be punished. They are fair to young to take responsibility for their actions, they need guidance, and positive reinforcement.
Its no wonder he's driving you bananas today wee wee guy will be confused and upset.

I would set him up for achieve something, help me pick this off the floor, or something simple the tell him because he did good he can have his paw patrol toys back.

If dh says anything remind him he's 2 not 12

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 19/02/2022 13:23

@CatSpeakForDummies

I think it would be wrong to just give it back while your DS is still being badly behaved. I wouldn't have given such a harsh punishment in the first place, but undoing it won't help now.

Can you get him to gradually earn the bits back. "DS if you come and do some nice drawing, you can have this car back," "brilliant, because you ate your lunch so nicely you can have this character..."

He's 2, he's not being badly behaved. He's being a 2 year old child. OP give him the toy back. He won't understand the punishment nor bargaining with him for him to have it back. It's a pointless punishment
Scianel · 19/02/2022 13:24

Give him his toy fgs!

TheAverageUser · 19/02/2022 13:25

Agree with PP the punishment is too harsh and unrelated for a child so small. I'd just give it back.

peboh · 19/02/2022 13:26

You and dh have a communication issue. You really need to get on the same page when it comes to disciplining your ds.

On this current issue though, you son isn't going to understand that his toys have been taken away as punishment. He's too young. Biting isn't good, but there are much better ways to deal with it than this.