To think punish him on your own bloody time and give DS his toy back?

[toddlertantrumishell]

DS very favourite toy is his paw patrol tower and all of the characters and cars that park in it. It is all he plays with. Yesterday I was out for the day and DS had lots of tantrums with DH and DS bit him. As punishment DH took his tower and all the cars and characters away from him and has said he can have them back Sunday night when DH gets home if he's been a good boy all weekend.

Of course DS shouldn't be biting, and his tantrums are savage and go on for fucking ages, I get it. But it's midday Saturday and I'm alone with him all weekend and he's doing my absolutely head in. He's done nothing but cry and whine and moan. He won't play it with anything else he's tearing around the house looking for his tower. I cannot deal with the crying anymore and I'm in for an entire weekend of a relentlessly tantrumming toddler, because he's being punished for annoying DH with tantrums?

Aibu to think punish him in your own bloody time and don't make me deal with the reality of it?! I want to give it back just to stop the fucking noise before I really lose it with him myself. I'm pregnant and knackered and honestly he is on my final nerve

Hi all

In order to keep things civil, please can we avoid tagging people who have requested that they not be tagged? Just so we can get things back on track.

@LilyMumsnet can we also ask people not to quote us?

So.... they throw a chair and once again you do NOTHING

@velvet24

So.... they throw a chair and once again you do NOTHING

No. With that particular kid, I get to know their triggers. So it might be that they haven’t eaten since they left school the day before, and they come in sullen and morose. So I’d ask if they were hungry and provide food for them. Or I’d ask if they needed someone to talk to and sort it out for them.

If I couldn’t talk them down and it escalated to chair-throwing, punishing them wouldn’t change the chair being thrown. And it wouldn’t stop it happening again because if both of your parents are drug addicts and you are constantly in and out of care, a detention is just more shit in your already shit life.

I think your are quoting very different scenarios here. I don't understand you at all and disagree with you 100%. We will have to agree to disagree on this one,.

@velvet24

I think your are quoting very different scenarios here. I don't understand you at all and disagree with you 100%. We will have to agree to disagree on this one,.

Well, give me an example and I’ll try to explain what I’d do instead of punishments. But it’ll all be generally along the same lines. All behaviour is communication and all that.

No i dont want to as i disagree with your methods and approaches.

Bloody hell you lot - give it a rest. Talk about how to derail a thread. If op had any sense she's long gone from this thread - you just seem to to be getting your kicks from arguing with each other about bullshit

OP, glad you and DH were able to have a conversation about things. Maybe a chat about how you deal with situations like that in the future too? Children can be testing but glad he realised the punishment was disproportionate.

@velvet24

No i dont want to as i disagree with your methods and approaches.

Ok.

I like your approach Pumper. I am definitely a little hot headed and try and be mindful of that, but generally I prefer not to punish.

No i just dont like or agree with you, I think your methods are more harmful tbh

Thanks HotDog.

Harmful in what way?

@Pumperthepumper I think you've done well to remain calm and articulate in your posts and explanations considering what you've been up against.

Fwiw - my toddler bit me twice one day last year. it was out of frustration. He can't talk. I didn't punish, I used methods similar to pumper. DS hasn't bitten me since.

Posters claiming pumpers parenting doesn't make sense, how on earth does it make sense to take away a toy for biting when the child has no idea why? Op even wrote her son thought it was because he was sad and crying...

People get so bloody hellbent on the ideas of "Consistency" and "A united front" that they forget it's an actual little person they are dealing with.

And also, I think there’s an argument that it’s actually really good for children to see an adult model ‘I was wrong to do that, I’m sorry’. Instead of following through on some ridiculous thing because they said it and they can’t show any ‘weakness’ by ‘backing down’.

@GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou

Harmful in what way?

Because it is showing that unacceptable behaviour has no consequence.

@Pumperthepumper

And also, I think there’s an argument that it’s actually really good for children to see an adult model ‘I was wrong to do that, I’m sorry’. Instead of following through on some ridiculous thing because they said it and they can’t show any ‘weakness’ by ‘backing down’.

Thats different - saying something in anger that you cant possibly do os very different to just punishing age appropriately , again you are wrong.