Private school Parties

[7plusMum34]

Those of you who have kids in private schools please tell me the kind of parties you have been to. I’m really nervous as I will have to hold a party very early on as child starting private in September and her birthday is 2 weeks in! I have nothing to compare with as we’ve not done a party for her before and haven’t been to any either I think due to COVID mainly.

I want to have a party btw do I don’t feel in any way pressured but I don’t know what the norm is. Don’t want to go OTT and don’t want it looking embarrassing either. Please help!

Hopefully your school is nothing like the school DD went to, but from your opening post sounds like it probably is. So you need ponies/champagne and make sure you exclude the ruffians.

Hire a party planner, an entertainer, a marquee for the llama rides, a caterer and a cocktail bar and the whole thing shouldn't cost more than four or five K.

My child at private school had exactly the same type of party as my child at state school. All the class to an organised party, job done. I never did party bags though, ridiculous fad!

For reception age - church / scout hall and entertainer or soft play is the norm. Whole class invited, food and party bag. So not outlandish I don't think.

For slightly older kids (maybe 7,8) things like laser tag and trampoline places popular too.

Lol… people are taking the mick because you sound ridiculous to be honest op. Kids are kids, just do something fun. Precious private school brats are no different to common state school ones so just stop worrying and do something that your kid will enjoy

In your position I’d delay a party until after half term so she can establish friends and by then you’ll be more relaxed about the party.

Age 7-8 id say don't go with the hall option. They are a bit old for entertainers etc (speaking after experience of my sons 7th birthday- some of the kids did get a little bored). But yes ive been to private and state schools and the parties are similar. Dont feel pressured into having a party if you dont feel ready. For the past 2 years we've done days out instead. My son is september born too and it does feel a pressure to put a party on so early when they dont really know the other kids. Last year we went to harry potter studios and the year before a wildlife park. He was happy with that but I guess it depends on your daughter.

We've recently been to a hall party for an 8yo, they had a great time because most haven't had much party action for 2 years so it's more novel for them compared to my 11yo's cohort who'd moved on to smaller, dearer (per head) activity parties.

DS wants to go swimming for his 9th. 9 was always my veto because they are all 8+ which eases supervision, and they've all done school swimming and all are happy in the water and most are competent swimmers for deep water.

Our general pattern was
5 & 6 whole class in a hall/ leisure centre/ soft play
7 & 8 all the boys (or girls), more specialised activity
9+ smaller group of friends, specialised activity or more intimate e.g. cinema.

Changing school/ two years of reduced parties would reset that a bit.

The quirk of my two's classes is that they have a 2:1 ratio on girls to boys so it was simpler to invite all the boys rather than a cap of say 8, because it would then look lile you're strategically leaving 2 or 3 out.

Really, try not to worry (I know this is easily said). We are quite tight for money with the school fees. Our children go to schools where some parents are extremely wealthy. They are people as well, they love their children as well and they want their children to make friends and be happy.

The reason I suggested a room in a pub is that it is one step up from the church hall so looks really nice but most importantly, they can serve pizzas /chips for the children (less for you to worry about).

We always had Prosecco for the adults (and a non alcoholic alternative). The parents often want to have a chat to other parents, especially in a new school (I did). Everyone want their children to find friends and I (and many I know) like to know that the other parents are sensible. I liked to watch the children play together before a play date at that age.

The entertainers we have had have been “science party” or “bubbles” followed by party games like “musical chairs”, pass the parcel”, etc. We do more activity parties now, climbing parties have been a lot of fun.

Party bags we try to do very cheap. If is is a bubble party, bubbles, some stationary with bubble theme and some sweets. At that age children seem to be excited over many small things.

Please try not to worry too much. One of the friends of my youngest DD has very wealthy parents (live-in staff and swimming pool). We live in a small flat and I do all the cleaning. I don’t socialise with the parents but we are all really happy that our DDs are friends. They are two little girls who get along really well, like to draw, be silly and can spend an afternoon without an iPad. We also know that neither child has unrestricted access to the Internet (inappropriate materials is a big worry).

I have some good friends among the parents as well but sometimes people are just too different. That doesn’t mean the our children cannot be friends and that you can’t have an interesting chat over a nice drink at a children’s party.

Mine are younger but we've mainly had soft play, trampoline park and sports club parties. There was one forest school party which my DC loved.

A mixture. 5* hotel with champagne afternoon tea for parents by the Thames (hotel owned by a parent), a festival in someone's back garden, pizza express, a rented hall with pass the parcel. All enjoyed and gratefully attended! We always did cinema or pottery painting or something

I went to a private prep and some of the families were wealthy - including F1 team owners and aristocrats. However, to the children ( all girls) it made no difference. I went to ladies where we played hide and seek in houses with 20 bedrooms and swimming pools and they came to our semi detached house and my dad hired a mini bus and we all went to a swimming pool complex. As I got older it was 1 or 2 friends and we would go to a musical etc. My son is in a state primary and had his 7th Birthday party last month. 9 friends were invited and we went to a trampoline park. Pizza abd squash and Birthday cake afterwards. Cost me less than the big class parties in halls! Party bags were a sweetie cinema and a book each (£10 for 10 books in the works).

My son is 8 and at a state school in a fairly middle class area.

We booked bowling for his birthday - invited the whole class - all except about 3 or 4 came. It was fab and all the kids loved it. They did the bowling and then had party tea plus we took his cake. Simple party bags.

He went to one at a clip and climb centre recently- small group of friends. One hour climb plus party food. He loved that.

Soft play was another recently which they enjoyed.

In the past we have had/been to- parties at children's homes, parties in church halls, rollerskating, cinema trip with lunch afterwards and soft play. All have been thoroughly enjoyed.

I would go with something your daughter likes and enjoys

Thank you so much everyone. It’s so lovely reading all the wonderful ideas.

@Hesma

Lol… people are taking the mick because you sound ridiculous to be honest op. Kids are kids, just do something fun. Precious private school brats are no different to common state school ones so just stop worrying and do something that your kid will enjoy

Thats really rude. Probably ONE or TWO are taking the “mick” but majority have been lovely and taken their time giving some amazing ideas so please stop being ridiculous yourself. Please learn to read before commenting.

Thank you everyone. Ideas sound amazing and I love the idea of delaying till half term as right now it’s stressful as we don’t know any of the kids or parents. Have a lovely day everyone.

As she is having party 2 weeks in to starting at a new school, you will need to invite the whole class rather than choosing a few friends.

Great thing about September is you can get in first and not be sitting wondering about something different or better. Choose an activity for focus as no one will know each other and make sure the parents are well catered for (somewhere they can congregate, have coffee and chat). Its them who will be doing the judging, not the kids. Or encourage them to drop off and leave.

Oh, and not half term. They will all be on holiday or doing stuff.

I don't suppose anyone's mentioned Pizza Express in Woking?

The very smartest kids' parties are held there.

Hopefully this helpful constructive advice....I'd echo that children's parties can be the same as any school. Invite the whole class, expect some parents to assume that their other siblings are therefore also invited so be explicit in the invites whether they are or not. Also state what clothes/ shoes are needed e.g. wellies for a winter party if outside for example. Traditional house style parties with party food and games are perfectly fine for reception class. Also been to indoor climbing parties, trampolining parties, laser quest, indoor go-cart racing, wear-m-outs etc. Have a look around the children activities around your area as most will have a party option I expect. Most places have number restrictions still in place so do consider that too if choosing somewhere to host. For the parents, most will 'drop and leave' but provide coffee for the ones who stay. Games./ event/ social party stuff for an hour and then the party food/ cake/ happy birthday. Don't forget party bags!

My children were at state schools until y6 then private schools. In my experience, private school parties are much more low key affairs because parents have less disposable income and are less likely to know the other parents and children (so no pressure to hand out whole class invites at the school gate). Much more likely to be inviting a handful of close friends to do an activity - climbing, cinema, escape rooms, etc.

[quote Chatty987]@DoNotGetADog exactly re Manchester Grammar v Eton! Ridiculous comment![/quote]
I didn't say MGS was the opposite of Eton. But there's a difference between them. Typical families at one of them will be relatively ordinary middle class and upper middle class families. The other has a really quite high proportion of families of the seriously wealthy "global elite".

I intentionally avoided comparing Eton with anything which could have reasonably been perceived as a "bottom of the range" private school. That would have been insulting to pupils, teachers and families associated with the school.

My comment wasn't supposed to compare the extremes, but to contrast an outlier (in terms of the social and economic capital of the families) with somewhere a little less extreme. Not the first and last in the race, but a breakaway front runner and somewhere solidly in the front half of the pack.

@CasperGutman Just guessing you're familiar with MGS - have you ever visited Eton College? Do you know anyone with a boy there at the moment? You seem to be comparing grammar school students with Old Etonians rather than the current Eton cohort

[quote BlissfullyIgnorant]@CasperGutman Just guessing you're familiar with MGS - have you ever visited Eton College? Do you know anyone with a boy there at the moment? You seem to be comparing grammar school students with Old Etonians rather than the current Eton cohort [/quote]
Are you not familiar with MGS? Its name is misleading.