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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 16:03

@Shoxfordian

No, if it’s child free then that means no children
And no best man.
expatmigrant · 18/02/2022 16:03

Taking a couple of month old baby to anything isn't really a problem. You can literally stick them under the table and if a bit grizzly for feeding can easily be taking to another room.
VU by bride and groom

Gonnagetgoing · 18/02/2022 16:03

@SockFluffInTheBath

I’m guessing you’re the BM’s wife? I can understand not wanting a newborn there, they have a blood chilling reedy cry like nothing else on earth (to get you out of bed pronto I imagine) and it wouldn't be nice mid-vows. If the mother sat right beside a door ready to leg it at the first mumble and if there is no one else already having to make arrangements for leaving their DC then maybe I’d let the baby attend. Probably not though.
@SockFluffInTheBath - I was very quiet from newborn onwards and was often taken out to restaurants in a Moses basket where no one had any idea I was there! They don't all scream and cry blue murder!
SNUG2022 · 18/02/2022 16:04

This just isn't how you treat people you care about is it?? The take another plus one would really do it for me!! Your dh should be pissed off that they think so little of his wife.

sillysmiles · 18/02/2022 16:04

It was shit and I have never spoken to the couple again

Seems fair to me.

Shoxfordian · 18/02/2022 16:04

Why can’t the best man go without the child?

Sunshine1235 · 18/02/2022 16:04

It’s not worth potentially ruining a friendship over, a newborn is likely just to be asleep or feeding most the time it’s entirely different to an older baby or a toddler. Surely the couple ideally want a friendship with both members of the couple long term so saying just the husband can come with another plus one (??) doesn’t make any sense

PinkButtercups · 18/02/2022 16:05

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

It just gets worse and worse Grin
Tdcp · 18/02/2022 16:05

Considering they all have such a close friendship (given the best man scenario) I think their attitude is really harsh and downright hurtful actually.

Stroopwaffle5000 · 18/02/2022 16:05

Personally I wouldn't have wanted to go if I was the mother of a tiny baby. Weddings are boring enough without being unable to drink, sleep deprived and having to breast feed every 5 bloody minutes!!

The couple are perfectly within their rights to say no, it's their party, but they also can't get stroppy if people with kids are unable to attend.

Welshwabbit · 18/02/2022 16:05

I was a bridesmaid for my very close friend 3 weeks after my second child was born. Wouldn't have been able to do it if I hadn't been able to bring him (it was a long way from home). As far as I know there was never any question of my not being able to bring him to the otherwise child-free wedding.

Stressedout1009 · 18/02/2022 16:06

@Shoxfordian

Why can’t the best man go without the child?
Or the mother stay home with the child. I couldn't imagine even wanting to attend with a newborn.
LilacPaisley · 18/02/2022 16:06

I wouldn't have wanted to take my newborn to a wedding but I know plenty of people who would

I wouldn't have/didn't take my kids to weddings either. As newborns it was no fun for me, and as toddlers it was no fun for me or them.

People say you have to be prepared for invitees not to come if you don't invite their children, like it's the bride and groom who will be miffed. They're usually not, tbh.

Mybestyear · 18/02/2022 16:06

@Pyri

God yes, it’s a tiny baby not some chatty toddler mashing rice cakes all over the bride
@Pyri GrinGrinGrin

This!
The general MN consensus is that babes in arms are acceptable at child-free weddings.

Gonnagetgoing · 18/02/2022 16:06

@Ionlydomassiveones

I do wonder if bridezillas who detest the mere thought of little children sullying their perfect plans go on to reflect about that decision when they themselves have the pfb and can’t bear to be parted from them. I just see all the generations coming together warts and all being what makes a wedding and cements them into the wider circle of family and friends. It’s the stuff of anecdotes and fireside family legends years later.

But yes, if I were BM, I’d be saying thanks but no thanks.

@Ionlydomassiveones - been to a few recent weddings and DB and SIL's wedding they had 3 DC (daughters) of one best man (all under 10 youngest 5), her goddaughter was a flower girl at 10 and then a family friend has to bring her granddaughter due to childcare issues (4 or 5 years old).

This was at Kilver Court where outside there's a sort of waterfall/stream thing and kids were running a bit out there but it was absolutely fine! All kids well behaved and enjoyed themselves and guests adored them. As it should be Smile.

sillysmiles · 18/02/2022 16:08

@Shoxfordian

Why can’t the best man go without the child?
wife and child - but bring an additionally plus one.

You can't see how crazy and insulting that suggestion is?

Gonnagetgoing · 18/02/2022 16:08

@LilacPaisley

I wouldn't have wanted to take my newborn to a wedding but I know plenty of people who would

I wouldn't have/didn't take my kids to weddings either. As newborns it was no fun for me, and as toddlers it was no fun for me or them.

People say you have to be prepared for invitees not to come if you don't invite their children, like it's the bride and groom who will be miffed. They're usually not, tbh.

@LilacPaisley - very different with newborns or toddlers - but personally I do think there should be an option so they can attend, especially older kids with childcare/entertainment etc.
Worryworry887 · 18/02/2022 16:08

Yea, because if it’s breastfed a 1-2 month old is tricky to leave alone. I went to a friends wedding that was child free, but she there was a cut off for up to 6 month old babies as she’d asked around in terms of when it was feasible to leave a baby with babysitters

LilacPaisley · 18/02/2022 16:08

I think you'll have to, as his wife will still be breastfeeding at 8 weeks and a bit limited time-wise to get a back up of frozen pumped milk in store for someone else to take over

I suspect most women would prefer to stay at home anyway. The best man can go on his own.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 18/02/2022 16:10

Surely doing bm duties he won't have time to be with dw and dc anyway? A dc free wedding means that imo.

girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 16:10

@Shoxfordian

Why can’t the best man go without the child?
Because he'll have a brand new baby and a wife who'll need his support and help?
VivienneDelacroix · 18/02/2022 16:10

I'm generally a fan of child-free weddings and would rather go to one without my own children, but even i think it would be awful not to allow non-mobile babies, especially the newborn baby of the best man. I would absolutely not expect anyone to leave a baby under 9-12 months to come to my wedding.

minipie · 18/02/2022 16:10

They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Er…. what???

Bullandbush · 18/02/2022 16:10

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

That’s shocking imo.

Not much of a solid friendship.

LilacPaisley · 18/02/2022 16:11

Baby was breastfed so I couldn't leave her, and I wouldn't have been happy about DH leaving me for longer than a working day

Crikey.