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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
Chasingaftermidnight · 18/02/2022 15:47

God of course. Personally I wouldn’t count a newborn as a child for the purposes of a childfree wedding.

That said, it’s their wedding and they can set their own rules. But they need to accept their best man may decide he won’t come as a result.

Twixie2022 · 18/02/2022 15:48

It’s there rules however I would allow it abs have friends who have allowed it. My friend was due to have a wedding when my DS would of been 6 weeks old (cancelled due to covid) and was no kids wedding. Newborn was invited though as she knew I would be very uneasy all day/baby too young to be away from us all day and I was just a general guest. I would of sat at the back and all she asked is if baby was crying that I left the church until he settled. For a BM I don’t think it’s worth risking a friendship/them not attending over it tbh. X

Original poster
questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:48

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

OP posts:
PleasantBirthday · 18/02/2022 15:49

In the same situation I'd make an exception and ask they have a strategy for if the baby starts crying.

Seriously? Why put new parents on the spot like that? They only just had a baby, of course they don't have a wedding strategy. They probably barely have a nappy strategy yet.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 18/02/2022 15:50

What!? That’s mad. Neither of us would be going

Horriblewoman · 18/02/2022 15:51

Yes, we had no children at our wedding but had a three month old and a 2 week old as we're not monsters Grin

GastroNuisance · 18/02/2022 15:51

Ok OP this is your newborn isn't it?

Yes I think your DH should be best man and yes babe in arms allowed.

What a nasty POV To ask you and baby to stay away.

3luckystars · 18/02/2022 15:51

What???? They think the best man should bring someone else that didn’t just have a baby? That is absolutely disgusting behaviour.

KimDeals · 18/02/2022 15:51

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Why are they so horrified at a baby being there? The reality is they might never even see the child.

Are they afraid the baby will steal their thunder or something?

Absolutely ridiculous.

00100001 · 18/02/2022 15:51

Please can you clarify if you're the bride, or the mother??

yikesanotherbooboo · 18/02/2022 15:51

Of course, a babe in arms needs to be with its parents.I can understand financial reasons for not having children at weddings but no argument for babies not being there particularly if it helps the guests. After all it is the hosts duty to please their guests.

FeedMeSantiago · 18/02/2022 15:51

We had a 7 week old at our wedding and a 13 week old plus 3 babies aged 8-12 months, so yes.

One of the babies was the child of my maid of honour. I wouldn't have expected her to leave her breastfed child at home!

It's quite common for child free weddings to allow babes in arms.

If I was the Best Man in this situation I would be standing down. Presumably excluding the baby excludes his wife as wife as well.

WhatAWasteOfOranges · 18/02/2022 15:51

100% baby should be able to go. Babies in arms is not really ‘kids’ is it?

PleasantBirthday · 18/02/2022 15:51

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

I don't think that anyone will think someone else's wedding is important enough to tolerate this kind of attitude. The fact that they are prepared to consider coming at a time like that should elicit gratitude rather than rules and hideous suggestions. If this friendship survives, I'd be astonished.
girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 15:52

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Your friends are arseholes.
minipie · 18/02/2022 15:52

I would say they can of course bring the baby and we will make sure the mum is seated at the end of an aisle during the ceremony so she can take the baby out if unsettled. (hint, hint).

Have to say when I had a 1-2 month old I would not have felt up to going to a wedding with or without the baby, but babies are all different. I probably would have waved DH off to be BM and counted the minutes till he returned.

Guessing this baby isn’t born yet so BM and wife really have no idea what they might want or be able to do.

SmellinOfTroy · 18/02/2022 15:53

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

so its a reverse? you're the pg wife of the BM and you dont want him to go
GirlInACountrySong · 18/02/2022 15:53

is the bride worried that the baby will steal some of the spotlight away from her?

or the baby will cry? make a noise until settled? distract best man from his duties?

or sets a precedent because they have this same issue for a few other guests?

00100001 · 18/02/2022 15:53

If you're the mother of the baby. Tell your DH that he should choose between staying and supporting his wife and child, or going and supporting these friends that don't have any consideration for him.

Of you're the bride. Get over yourself love and let the wee bairn along.

3luckystars · 18/02/2022 15:53

That is really nasty towards the best mans wife to say he should bring someone else?

FeedMeSantiago · 18/02/2022 15:53

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

I'd definitely be standing down if I was the BM then!
HelloKeith · 18/02/2022 15:53

Another plus one? Like a date? Or just anyone who hasn't just had a baby?

Ionlydomassiveones · 18/02/2022 15:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Wingedharpy · 18/02/2022 15:53

Come along, Best Man, but leave your wife and newborn at home. And bring some other childfree random woman along if you want.

Best Man should decline to be Best man now.
This friendship sounds doomed from hereonin if the wedded couple to be have no understanding of child care demands.

Lime37 · 18/02/2022 15:54

New born babies (babes in arms) don’t count towards child free. I would be distanceing my self from you if I was best man. But I am sure when you have a child you will cringe at your self over this thought