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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
BornIn78 · 18/02/2022 15:38

Obvious reverse.

I take it you’re not ok for your partner to go to the wedding without you, and you think you won’t want to leave your baby with someone.

If that’s the case the bride and groom need to decide what they want most, that particular best man, or a totally child free wedding.

tiktokontheclock · 18/02/2022 15:39

I don't think you can say no but if it were me, I would arrange a sitter (in the form of grandparents) for the newborn. I realise this isn't always possible, but it's good to offer

shrunkenhead · 18/02/2022 15:39

I think you'll have to, as his wife will still be breastfeeding at 8 weeks and a bit limited time-wise to get a back up of frozen pumped milk in store for someone else to take over. If anyone's gonna break the rules I think people will understand it's the Best Man's fam.
As a PP said it's not like a 2 year old running around screaming and shouting.

HeadNorth · 18/02/2022 15:39

I'd welcome the tiny baby - how lovely.

PleasantBirthday · 18/02/2022 15:40

Of course. Young infants are inseparable from their parents.

Skyeheather · 18/02/2022 15:41

Yes of course but I would BM to ask his wife to leave the ceremony if baby starts crying. Baby will spend all day/evening drinking milk and sleeping.

Mumdiva99 · 18/02/2022 15:41

Of course. He's best friends with the bridegroom.. ...of course his newborn should come otherwise the mum can't come.

SmellinOfTroy · 18/02/2022 15:41

@questionofthedaywedding

They're happy for him to attend, but don't want the baby there.
their wedding, their rules

but they have to understand that 1) the BM may not attend, 2) he may attend, but only for a short time

DoodleBelle · 18/02/2022 15:42

This would be outrageous behaviour to not invite a tiny baby let alone risk losing your best man over but then I can’t understand the no children at weddings thing anyway. It’s incredibly self centred in my opinion.

PleasantBirthday · 18/02/2022 15:43

@Skyeheather

Yes of course but I would BM to ask his wife to leave the ceremony if baby starts crying. Baby will spend all day/evening drinking milk and sleeping.
This can't be real. I don't think he'd be the best man if this was part of his duties.
MindyStClaire · 18/02/2022 15:43

Presume this is a reverse?

At that age with our first we were in the throes of silent reflux. Baby was breastfed so I couldn't leave her, and I wouldn't have been happy about DH leaving me for longer than a working day. So, no baby, no best man.

And I'm all for childfree weddings.

KimDeals · 18/02/2022 15:43

@questionofthedaywedding

They're happy for him to attend, but don't want the baby there.
God they sound like a right shower of shites.

Translation, they are unreasonable.

RavenclawsRoar · 18/02/2022 15:43

Now I have children, I absolutely would allow a newborn, no question. Before I had kids, I genuinely wouldn't have understood the issue to be honest.

Totalwasteofpaper · 18/02/2022 15:44

@questionofthedaywedding

They're happy for him to attend, but don't want the baby there.
If they want to have a good relationship post wedding 100% yes they should invite the baby. To not do so is a real dick move.

They should invite his wife/ partner and try and ensure provision for her and baby too (Ie a room or space where she can go to have a sit in privacy if she wants)

We were childfree and had a "childfree" wedding but did exactly this for one of our guests.
It was my DHs friend. He wanted him there and the wedding was an overnight stay from the friends house. So we approached it from the angle of how would it be easiest for him to attend.

As the friend and his wife had recently had their first child... to ensure his attendance and their comfort we extended the invite to all 3 of them and made arrangements so they had space for the pram / feeding / changing etc.) And I had catering liase with her to provide whatever food she wanted and we researched a few diff baby friendly hotel options for them.

For me, this is just basic etiquette it shows willing and kindness. The baby was a delight and they were no fuss at all as guests as we made suitable provisions for them.

DontWantTheRivalry · 18/02/2022 15:44

Bloody hell - of course the baby should come.

I can’t believe it’s even being contemplated otherwise.

Chilledchablis1 · 18/02/2022 15:45

I think it depends on a few things . Is it an option for the BM to go alone given that he will have BM duties and therefore won’t be with his DW and baby for the whole wedding ? How far away is the wedding? Will it involve the BM staying over ? How close is the BM’s DW to the couple ?

MajorCarolDanvers · 18/02/2022 15:45

I would.

Bushkin · 18/02/2022 15:46

Babies under 6months should always be the exception.

Alternatively if it’s very close to home expect him to come alone, leave early and them both to think less of the newlyweds forevermore

WouldIwasShookspeared · 18/02/2022 15:46

I would, but I love children at a wedding, enjoying the fun and excitement.

If I was a no children at weddings type then I would still make an exception for babies

KimDeals · 18/02/2022 15:46

What does “they are happy to have him there” even mean?
They picked this man to be Best Man so surely they know him well and really want him there, giving him this important role… a bit more than “happy to have him there”. It reads like he begged to come and be best man!

TinaYouFatLard · 18/02/2022 15:46

The OP has said she’s asking for a friend.

I love a child-free wedding but the newborn of the best man (who you would presume is an important person in the life of the bride/groom) does not count!

traintraveller · 18/02/2022 15:46

Is the babies mum invited? I can't imagine a man rocking up to a wedding on his own with a newborn.

Littlepaws18 · 18/02/2022 15:46

If you don't want his baby there then you should change your best man. My husband was best man a week after we had our baby we all attended. When he cried I took him out of the room so it didn't interfere with speeches etc. you are being totally unreasonable to suggest he couldn't.

ShowMeTheSugar · 18/02/2022 15:47

They can obviously stick to their guns but should absolutely be prepared for the best man to either pull out or leave after the ceremony.

In the same situation I'd make an exception and ask they have a strategy for if the baby starts crying.

sillysmiles · 18/02/2022 15:47

@whosaidtha

Depends where the wedding is. 15minutes from best man's house maybe not. 3.5hrs away definitely yes.
Even 15 minutes doesn't mean best man and his wife/partner can attend.

I would think why create drama and be this inflexible. Best man is obliviously best man for a reason. They (he and partner) will have a small newborn at the time for the wedding. Is this worth the stress and losing a friend.