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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
Ncwinc · 18/02/2022 15:54

’The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.’

Wow. That’s appalling.

DeadButDelicious · 18/02/2022 15:54

I would and I did. If this man is important enough to be asked to be best man then inviting his baby is a no brainer.

As another poster said, this is the kind of thing that ruins friendships. A wedding is one day. It's not worth it.

caranations · 18/02/2022 15:56

Of course I would. It would be ridiculous not to.

But then I think that it is ridiculous to ban children from weddings anyway.

Useranon1 · 18/02/2022 15:56

It is 100% acceptable to not have children at your wedding. Personally I wouldn't risk not having BM there but it doesn't make them evil for having the wedding they want.

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/02/2022 15:56

I’m guessing you’re the BM’s wife? I can understand not wanting a newborn there, they have a blood chilling reedy cry like nothing else on earth (to get you out of bed pronto I imagine) and it wouldn't be nice mid-vows. If the mother sat right beside a door ready to leg it at the first mumble and if there is no one else already having to make arrangements for leaving their DC then maybe I’d let the baby attend. Probably not though.

Onlyforcake · 18/02/2022 15:57

No kids = token invite to parents. I'd imagine he will literally be too busy if you say no kids.

Blossom64265 · 18/02/2022 15:57

If the 1-2 month old baby isn’t invited, then the best man’s wife effectively isn’t invited. The bride and groom need to decide what matters more. Either they need to invite the family or pick a new best man. Disinviting the best man’s spouse is not a real option.

yikesanotherbooboo · 18/02/2022 15:57

Wow!
Prepared to ruin an important friendship over this! How incredibly crass of the bride and groom.
What does the groom think of being treated so shabbily?

HollaHolla · 18/02/2022 15:57

I bloody love a child-free wedding - but breastfeeding babes in arms are an exception. Invite the three of them, and hopefully there's somewhere she can go to feed/rest as needed. If you're in a hotel, then that's easy; but otherwise, can you arrange a room?
If they're not all invited, I think you'll be looking for a new Best Man.

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 15:58

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

How unkind
TheFlis12345 · 18/02/2022 15:58

We had a child free wedding but babes in arms were of course allowed. We had 4, the ushers politely pointed out the church side door to the parents so they could leave quietly if the babies kicked off during the ceremony. None of them made a sound!

1FootInTheRave · 18/02/2022 15:58

Absolutely think the babe should be welcomed.

To suggest bm takes a different +1 is insulting imo.

Postitmug · 18/02/2022 15:59

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

So your the best man's pregnant wife? They're crap friends. I hope your husband realises this.

A 2 month old is a very easy wedding guest. Can't believe they've suggested an alternative plus 1 Confused

Hugoslavia · 18/02/2022 15:59

I've never understood child free weddings! I bet that many who have them then suddenly feel out out when they have babies of their own and are banned from weddings.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/02/2022 15:59

I’d allow it. I’ve been to more than one wedding where babes in arms but no older children, were allowed.

Gonnagetgoing · 18/02/2022 16:00

If this is reverse then why not say so?! Hmm

But I'd see no problem at all with a newborn at a wedding provided the parents were happy. a newborn will most likely be no trouble whatsoever and just sleep and maybe feed!

jessy100 · 18/02/2022 16:00

Eh. Have I missed something. Why on earth would the best man want his baby at a wedding I'd say no!! Find another best man. How precious if him.

Gonnagetgoing · 18/02/2022 16:01

@Hugoslavia

I've never understood child free weddings! I bet that many who have them then suddenly feel out out when they have babies of their own and are banned from weddings.
@Hugoslavia is it a cost thing or is it badly behaved kids? I'm similar to you, don't quite get child free weddings either.
FairyCakeWings · 18/02/2022 16:02

I think children should be welcome at weddings anyway, but inviting the newborn of the best man would be a no brainier to me.

People seem to think that being asked to be Best man or bridesmaid is nothing but an honour and a pleasure, completely forgetting that there is actually some effort in being involved in being part of the weeding party, especially if you have to give a speech etc.

It doesn’t seem right to ask someone to do best man duty for you when you can’t even offer them the courtesy of making their wife and baby welcome and comfortable.

caoraich · 18/02/2022 16:02

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

So they're happy to have potentially a randomer there rather than best man's wife and baby... that seems bizarre.

This happened to us, but DH was an usher not best man. They invited us ("DH and family") after I was pregnant but knew baby was due after wedding. We had already booked ferries and accommodation when we were told actually no babies allowed. And "family" meant me and DH's mum, who lived nearby the wedding venue. So I couldn't even go and leave my 4 week old for a bit with MIL! I also wasn't allowed to drive DH and MIL to rural country house wedding venue from city we were staying in, they had to get the bus from the city with all the other guests, so no one would get distracted by baby on our arrival.

So in the end I had a day out in a strange city, the week before Christmas, with my tiny baby then went back to the hotel and got room service. It was shit and I have never spoken to the couple again. The only reason we went at all was because we'd already booked all the travel and wanted MIL to meet her grandchild.

I digress (but years on clearly needed to get that off my chest!) But I 100% think babies should be able to be at weddings.

Daisy4569 · 18/02/2022 16:02

Surely they’ve picked a BM based on friendship. Doesn’t sound like they’re great friends! If I was the BM I’d let them know I wouldn’t be going.

Shoxfordian · 18/02/2022 16:02

No, if it’s child free then that means no children

sillysmiles · 18/02/2022 16:02

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

If I was the bestman/wife that would be a straight no, I'm not coming. But I'd wait until close to the time to tell them so they have the hassle of getting the signatories changed.

If I was the groom/bride I'd hope someone would take us to one side and remind us to get our head out of arse and recognise it one day and these people have (assumedly because he's BM) been friends for year.

Only reason I'd think otherwise is if there is a massive backstory of the best man is actually a victim of abuse and his wife is massively controlling and she's cheated on him and the baby's not his anyway.

LittleGwyneth · 18/02/2022 16:02

You're perfectly welcome to tell them that the baby can't attend, but you then have to expect that neither of the parents will. I wouldn't be wild about my DH going to a wedding on his own while I sat at home with the baby for the entire day and evening, so I don't imagine this woman would be either. Generally speaking I don't think tiny babies count in the no children rule.

PinkButtercups · 18/02/2022 16:02

Yes. A small baby. Honestly some people.

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