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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 16:11

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Surely doing bm duties he won't have time to be with dw and dc anyway? A dc free wedding means that imo.
What are BM duties? Going to the pub before the wedding, standing at the front of the church and then some pictures and a speech?
Nanny0gg · 18/02/2022 16:11

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

Wow!

Some friends!

I assume you're the BM's wife?

He needs to tell them calmly that he will not be attending.

And then they can fuck off.

Nanny0gg · 18/02/2022 16:11

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Surely doing bm duties he won't have time to be with dw and dc anyway? A dc free wedding means that imo.
He'll have plenty of time at the Reception
Just10moreminutesplease · 18/02/2022 16:12

Yes, of course. I wouldn’t expect anyone to leave a 1-2 month old baby for a wedding. If you want them there, then you need to accommodate them.

HeadToToesNo · 18/02/2022 16:12

Interested to know who you are in this scenario, but the bride and groom are arseholes.

Drinkingallthewine · 18/02/2022 16:13

OP, what child-related rules did this hypothetical mother and best man have at their own wedding?

Because if it was also strictly child-free with no exceptions then they can jog on.

Mumof3confused · 18/02/2022 16:13

‘The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.’

This couple will be so embarrassed by their own behaviour once they have children themselves. I hope BM pulls out and that he hasn’t already spent a massive amount of energy, time and money on stag, wedding prep, booking hotels and buying gifts.

It’s astonishing how self centred some people are.

HelloPanda12 · 18/02/2022 16:13

I don’t think it'd be fair on the best man’s wife. She’s of course not going to be there if her tiny newborn can’t be there, newborns need their mums. It might cause a rift between best man and his wife also if he goes and she stays.

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/02/2022 16:13

What are BM duties? Going to the pub before the wedding, standing at the front of the church and then some pictures and a speech?

Nothing strenuous, but his wife & babyveint he with him at those times so he can ‘support them’ - implying feeble wifey can’t cope without her man for a day on her own.

Blanketpolicy · 18/02/2022 16:13

Personally I would have invited all family and wedding party children as strongly believe weddings are family events. If that meant community hall instead of fancy hotel then so be it, people make the event not the venue.

But also everyone is allowed to do what suits them and their decisions should be respected.

Anyone is allowed to decline an invite, even if they are the best man, if there are child related practical issues preventing them attending, and declines should expected.

Anyone declining because just because they think their child "should" be included is petty.

JustLyra · 18/02/2022 16:14

@questionofthedaywedding

Wedding is quite far from where the BM and wife live.

The bridegroom are suggesting the best man just comes in his own and leaves wife and baby at home. They've even suggested BM can take another plus one instead of wife and baby.

They suggested what?! Wow.

When we had a newborn at a wedding my DH was in the wedding party for the couple gave me another plus one so that I had a helping hand (we had older kids too).

The BM has a decision to make by the sounds of it. I don't know many that would be willing to leave their wife overnight with a 4 week old baby for a wedding.

jessy100 · 18/02/2022 16:15

Jesus wept! Some people really are obsessed with thinking they can take their babies everywhere! We have one in work😑 This entitlement seems to be growing amongst new parents. I think the BM is probably being nagged by the mother of the baby to be allowed to come. Just stay at home ffs. It's not about you!!

NativityDreaming · 18/02/2022 16:15

Wow! Do the groom and bride realise how disgusting their suggestion is for the BM to bring a different date?

GastroNuisance · 18/02/2022 16:16

This is absolute tabloid gold. I'd be surprised if this isn't in the news by the end of today.

It's got everything.

I think the bride and groom are arseholes if it's true. Especially regarding a replaceable +1.

Wtf??

Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 16:16

I so hope the BM tells them to fuck right off.

Awakened22 · 18/02/2022 16:16

Yes but I would expect the mum to step out of the ceremony with the baby if they were crying or not settled.

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 16:16

@Shoxfordian

Why can’t the best man go without the child?
And his wife? But get a mate to tag along as his plus 1? Yeah right!
girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 16:16

@SockFluffInTheBath

What are BM duties? Going to the pub before the wedding, standing at the front of the church and then some pictures and a speech?

Nothing strenuous, but his wife & babyveint he with him at those times so he can ‘support them’ - implying feeble wifey can’t cope without her man for a day on her own.

But if it's far from home they're also excluding her and meaning she's alone all night plus travel time either way both days plus the wedding itself.

If baby's welcome she can attend the wedding and have him there for the most part.

Queeniepies · 18/02/2022 16:16

The bride and groom sound like total WeddingZillas! To suggest the BM leaves his wife at home and takes another +1 is just horrible.

phizog · 18/02/2022 16:17

My friend's wedding vows were ruined by a screaming baby - mother refused to get up and head out as it was too cold in the corridor. She also screamed through most of the meal as well, absolutely not enjoyable. And it wasn't a venue with other rooms, so nowhere else to take the baby. Even the very expensive wedding video they had, the vows can barely be heard and the annoyance on their faces is obvious.

Tbh, surely if his 1-2 month old baby and wife are present, he won't really be in the headspace to do best man duties. If his wife needs his help with the baby, or is struggling, is he really going to say no so he can focus on the groom? Also, why would his wife want to come - looking after a tiny baby alone when everyone else is drinking and revelling and the stress of keeping it quiet - sounds like an awful way to spend the day for mum.

But if the best man refuses to come without them, not much you can do. Just hope she is considerate enough to walk out of the ceremony room if the baby starts crying.

lisaandalan · 18/02/2022 16:18

I would not go without my newborn, older child it's fine, newborn definitely would not go without, maybe she would be breastfeeding as I would have been. X

WonderfulYou · 18/02/2022 16:18

I don’t see any issue with BM going alone/with a friend.
I’m not sure I’d even want to go to a wedding after giving birth only a few weeks ago anyway.

But if they want BM there they absolutely need to offer the invite to his baby.
Although this could cause issues if other guests wanted to bring their babies too.

I may be biased though as I wouldn’t have a child free wedding.

Cherryblossoms85 · 18/02/2022 16:18

They're absolute jokers even thinking about banning the baby IMHO. Can just straightaway look for a new best man.

GirlInACountrySong · 18/02/2022 16:19

the country is teeming with bridezillas i believe

so i can only conclude that the bride wants all the attention on her....newborn babies are cute and people will want a peeks hold etc

bride does not like this AT ALL

could that be it?

SockFluffInTheBath · 18/02/2022 16:19

But if it's far from home they're also excluding her and meaning she's alone all night plus travel time either way both days plus the wedding itself.

Good grief. It’s a good job none of us have DHs who work away and that none of us are single parents. I think it’s the BM’s DW who is being precious here, not the bride & groom. It’s all typical PFB.