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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
MeandT · 21/02/2022 22:57

Brooke321 nails it. Love the suggestion upthread that the best man is replaceable Hmm These are your best friends (or at least one is the groom's) and multiple people are suggesting that:
a) you can't have a clear conversation with them about wife and child of best man needing to sit near an exit with clear caveat to leave at the first squeak and
b) you care so little about your long term relationship with them that it is suggested that the best man just behave like a care free bachelor to facilitate your special day.

If bride and groom can't include the best man properly on their wedding day, he clearly IS just replaceable and isn't the best man at all. Probably better that he finds this out sooner rather than later though.

Eucalyptusbee · 21/02/2022 23:18

IS the OP Coming back to let us know what happened? I'm guessing if she doesn't reappear that she was in fact the bride in question!

timeisnotaline · 22/02/2022 08:30

@AntiEntitlement

First off, everyone seems to be assuming she is breastfeeding, maybe this is not the case, but if she is, there are some really great products called breast pumps that have been available for a few years, now (eye-roll here). I don't see anything wrong with this couple wanting their special day to be everything THEY want, and are paying for. Babies fuss and cry, even if the new mother gets up and leaves the room, it still creates a stir. Why should they have to worry about this at their ceremony? The best man, should be understanding of this and not make it about him and his wife as new parents rather than his friend's milestone in his/her life. If he's making about him, they should find a new best man.
Your name seems very unsuited to you. Not everyone can pump . Not all babies take bottles . I nearly didn’t go to a wedding my 6mo wasn’t invited to since my baby wasn’t yet eating food (we were trying) and didn’t take bottles. No ones wedding justifies starving my baby. And when my baby is tiny I’m not sure anyone’s wedding justifies leaving my baby with someone else not their parents, nor my husband leaving us for a weekend. They probably should find a new best man as you say, since they don’t actually value the one they have as a friend.
MabelsApron · 22/02/2022 10:21

@Eucalyptusbee

IS the OP Coming back to let us know what happened? I'm guessing if she doesn't reappear that she was in fact the bride in question!
Would you? Given the way the bride has been described on this thread and the way in which anyone trying to stick up for her has been treated?
VelmasGlasses101 · 22/02/2022 14:34

No ones wedding justifies starving my baby. And when my baby is tiny I’m not sure anyone’s wedding justifies leaving my baby with someone else not their parents, nor my husband leaving us for a weekend

He could go and come back after speeches, like other posters have suggested? They could even go and stay closer to the wedding and make a weekend of it? Do something together the next day?

You’ve said no ones wedding justifies X… then if your baby is the your number one priority, not attending a wedding where you aren’t even in the bridal party shouldn’t even matter! Don’t go and get on with your life

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 22/02/2022 15:03

No ones wedding justifies starving my baby. And when my baby is tiny I’m not sure anyone’s wedding justifies leaving my baby with someone else not their parents, nor my husband leaving us for a weekend.

I think in the position of the best man's wife I'd be very happy not to attend. Boobs leaking over impractical clothing, not least keeping alert enough on half a night's sleep to participate through an interminably long day (they nearly always are), making small talk with strangers, not least getting through my own dinner without a need for changing or feeding in the middle. My meals at this juncture of DC's life nearly always went cold! As a newish mum, a day hunkered down in front of the TV in loungewear, napping if ever the opportunity arises, would have appealed far more to me than attending a wedding.

The 'bring another +1' suggestion might well have me reevaluating my view of the couple in question, though.

ChristinaXYZ · 22/02/2022 15:35

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]**@ChristinaXYZ* Completely unreasonable. You can't expect them to leave such a new baby.*

But no one is expecting 'them' to leave the baby. The wife doesn't need to be there, she doesn't need to go.[/quote]
Who @migrainesbythedozen would go to a wedding that his wife is not welcome at. Also why should wife deal with baby on her own all weekend. If she is on maternity leave still she probably does so all week already and what is suggested is not fair. If my husband sodded off to a wedding when I had a new baby I've be furious.

VelmasGlasses101 · 22/02/2022 15:42

I do think the people claiming the bride/groom are stuck up and selfish are being extremely uptight about who should be attending a wedding that’s no theirs tbh 💀

No one has said “you are not welcome”
Explicitly to the wife

They’ve given them their request for the wedding and left the BM and his wife to make a decision. Yeah it might not be ideal but rarely in life are we presented with a set of options that are all how we want them

thing47 · 22/02/2022 15:44

He could go and come back after speeches, like other posters have suggested?

He could, but why would he want to? He probably wants to be with his wife and new-born baby! Just as other people's babies aren't that important, nor are other people's weddings.

Also 'Please come and be my best man and help to celebrate the start of my wonderful life together with my new wife. Oh but I'm afraid your wife isn't invited'. On what planet does that sound reasonable? Just nope.

VelmasGlasses101 · 22/02/2022 15:46

They probably asked him to be BM before his wife was even pregnant

VelmasGlasses101 · 22/02/2022 15:56

As for the plus one thing

The dilemma is that weddings are often arranged massively in advance. Many people in a similar scenario may lean towards “we will decide closer to the time” but with a wedding you can’t do that

By leaving two places available for the best man and wife should she choose to attend they are being practically astute. If she decides to come close to the day, she can but I’d she says no then they can’t magic up an extra meal last minute.

If she decides she doesn’t want to come and the BM brings a friend the place is not wasted

HogDogKetchup · 22/02/2022 15:58

@VelmasGlasses101

As for the plus one thing

The dilemma is that weddings are often arranged massively in advance. Many people in a similar scenario may lean towards “we will decide closer to the time” but with a wedding you can’t do that

By leaving two places available for the best man and wife should she choose to attend they are being practically astute. If she decides to come close to the day, she can but I’d she says no then they can’t magic up an extra meal last minute.

If she decides she doesn’t want to come and the BM brings a friend the place is not wasted

Invites aren’t usually so flexible that you can just fill someone spot
VelmasGlasses101 · 22/02/2022 15:58

“no children no exceptions” means it ia the same for everyone it’s not personal

VelmasGlasses101 · 22/02/2022 16:01

@HogDogKetchup well perhaps that’s just my experience

I’ve been to wedding where people have brought plus ones the bride and groom haven’t even met yet, ones where they’ve decided on their plus one last minute etc

My great aunt bought her friend to mine because my great uncle was unwell and decides last minute he wouldn’t manage the day. Those two old ladies were the life of the party haha

thing47 · 22/02/2022 16:56

@VelmasGlasses101

“no children no exceptions” means it ia the same for everyone it’s not personal
I think everyone understands that, but a) there are often exceptions made for a small baby and b) if there aren't then there's a fair chance that neither parent will come. Which is fine if they're 'just' guests but a little more problematic if one is the Best Man.
SierraHy · 22/02/2022 17:03

It's a difficult decision because although the best man can be an important person in the couple's life, it is still understandable that the couple may not want ANY interruption on their special day.

I mean, babies are adorable, but what if the little one starts crying in the middle of the ceremony? It will stay in the video forever, it will ruin the ambience and yes, it's only a little child and for some this can be like no issue, but for others they may want to have they special day without ANY distraction and that is also respectable.

I would say the couple should weight in if their wedding day is more important than the best man's feelings, because of course it's his kid and the most precious thing in his life, but also, it's the couple's day and at the end of the day they should have the wedding they want to have. So if it's super important for them to NOT have a child crying in the ceremony, I would say talk to the best man in the best of ways and explain to him that it's their most important day and they want it to be perfect, so they don't want to take chances.
Maybe the little kiddo can skip the ceremony part and just join the party later? Also, there are couples who are childfree in which case, I would support them if they don't want any kids in their wedding, it's their day and if parents think they are not comfortable attending a party without their children then they should RSVP as no.

Again, the most important thing in a wedding is THE COUPLE who is getting married, so we should all respect what they want in their special (and EXPANSIVE) day. It's NOT personal, it's how they have their dream wedding in mind.

Frezia · 22/02/2022 20:33

@SierraHy What if someone farts loudly during the ceremony? What if someone gets steaming drunk and throws up on the bride or starts a fight? I've see worse behaviour more often from adults at weddings than kids. At least disruptive children can be much more easily removed than disruptive adults. If the couple don't want to risk anyone ruining their most perfect day, they shouldn't invite anyone because people are not perfect, adults as well as kids.

Hydrate · 23/02/2022 01:02

Is there a reason that a babysitter cannot be arranged? Do the young couple not know anybody suitable to take care of the baby for the day?

Hydrate · 23/02/2022 01:05

I personally would just stay home with baby and tell dh to go for the day without me.

timeisnotaline · 23/02/2022 01:11

@Hydrate

Is there a reason that a babysitter cannot be arranged? Do the young couple not know anybody suitable to take care of the baby for the day?
Baby will be 1-2 months old. The majority of parents would not leave a baby that age for a day. Breastfeeding mums wouldn’t leave them for more than a couple of hours between feeds and it’s a particularly tricky milk establishing period that anyone who isn’t finding breastfeeding easy would not want to attempt a bottle or formula at this point, and would have to pump regularly at the wedding, assuming pumping worked for them which it often doesn’t. I personally wouldn’t dream of it, and that’s a perfectly reasonable position to take as a mother of a 1-2 month old.
Monopolyiscrap · 23/02/2022 01:14

A babysitter is irrelevant. They have made it clear they want the best man there but are not bothered about his wife coming. Maybe they do not really know here, I do not know?

Hydrate · 23/02/2022 04:24

That's also why I'd personally stay home anyways. The bride would get no guff from me!

I guess that having no babysitter could also be the reason the new mother needs to decline though. Unless I missed a post from the OP stating any reasons on either side?
I wouldn't care that they are not making any exceptions because it would be a relief to not go for the same reasons you mention.
I think the plus one idea is awkward.

Daybreaq · 23/02/2022 06:10

I’m here from a news article about this. I do agree with the general sentiment that exceptions can and should be made for the wedding party. I would also think the other guests who are not part of the wedding party should accept this. My issue is specifically with a newborn at a wedding and presumedly reception party. It’s not so much that the newborn could be a disruption as that a large party could be dangerous for a newborn considering the child’s immature immune system.

girlmom21 · 23/02/2022 07:12

@Daybreaq

I’m here from a news article about this. I do agree with the general sentiment that exceptions can and should be made for the wedding party. I would also think the other guests who are not part of the wedding party should accept this. My issue is specifically with a newborn at a wedding and presumedly reception party. It’s not so much that the newborn could be a disruption as that a large party could be dangerous for a newborn considering the child’s immature immune system.
The only way it would be bad for the baby's immune system is if ill, inconsiderate people attend. That'd be bad for everyone's immune system.

Every day germs aren't a big issue unless the baby's already poorly, in which case the parents would choose not to take them rather than being excluded

girlmom21 · 23/02/2022 07:14

@VelmasGlasses101

They probably asked him to be BM before his wife was even pregnant
Sorry I didn't know I should put my life on hold for 2 years while you plan your wedding just in case