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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
AngryGreek · 20/02/2022 15:05

@SecretSpAD

I am really pleased for your sister ❤️ But yeah it’s horrible and actually put me between a rock and a hard place on my wedding day, I hate how every option seemed to make me look/feel like a horrible person

I ended up adopting as a singleton after I divorced and honestly, as a single 30 something with my 9 year old… life is way better than as a twenty something with that man and his shitty friends

sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea · 20/02/2022 15:11

@AngryGreek Wow I'm utterly shocked a "friend" would act and respond like that. I most certainly wouldn't if I friend told me; but be very empathetic but explain that unfortunately i would be unable to attend. I'm not saying put on invite but explain to friends/family with children so they can show understanding. If people had known I'm sure they wouldn't have fussed around the baby in such an obvious in your face way that upset you.

EWAB · 20/02/2022 15:15

Unlike most of mumsnet who seem to go to weddings every week I haven’t really been to many. However I do think it’s up to the bride and groom who they invite and up to guests if they attend or not.
I know I am in the minority but if all is well otherwise I don’t understand why Best Man’s wife can’t stay at home with baby. I understand that she might be sad but that is life. I can understand why Best Man might be sad but he doesn’t really need them there . It’s just for a couple of days.
As the OP isn’t coming back we don’t know if others would then want their children at the wedding and as for this idea of taking them out my friend’s wedding was ruined by the very act of taking the child out.
I also can’t see why anyone would try and sabotage someone’s wedding by being spiteful or making life difficult for a man you love.

AngryGreek · 20/02/2022 15:18

Or just

-Accept that you go without the baby or don’t go
-That it’s not your day
-Know that it’s probably for a good reason (whatever that may be)
-Realise that reason is not your business
-Don’t expect people to share any sort of information they don’t want to
-decline or accept invite accordingly

I had a reasonably big wedding and lots of people who had children were invited without the kids. I didn’t know a lot of them well enough, many being from my husbands extended family… why should I be expected to explain it to any of them if I wasn’t comfortable disclosing that information

AngryGreek · 20/02/2022 15:21

@EWAB

she might be sad but that is life

Exactly

What is it such a big deal, people have to miss things all the time for one reason or another

MabelsApron · 20/02/2022 15:23

[quote sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea]@AngryGreek Wow I'm utterly shocked a "friend" would act and respond like that. I most certainly wouldn't if I friend told me; but be very empathetic but explain that unfortunately i would be unable to attend. I'm not saying put on invite but explain to friends/family with children so they can show understanding. If people had known I'm sure they wouldn't have fussed around the baby in such an obvious in your face way that upset you.[/quote]
Hmm, of the two options - tell all attendees about extraordinarily painful health circumstances and hope they understand why this means that you’d rather they not fuss so much over a baby attendee, or save yourself that experience by simply making the wedding childfree - guess which one looks more appealing?

I guess I just can’t understand how your approach - recommending that someone have to tell every guest about her health issues, in order so that your baby can come to her wedding - is that understanding.

EWAB · 20/02/2022 15:25

I totally agree suggesting an alternative plus one was utterly weird. I am hoping they were just not thinking whey they suggest Ed that one!!!!

scandikate · 20/02/2022 15:34

I loved having children at my wedding so wouldn't have an issue with this but if I was the best man I would respect the wishes of the bride and groom for a child free wedding and go alone. My husband was best man at a wedding a couple of years ago and I went with my newborn and it wasn't fun for me at all - he was cluster feeding, crying, wouldn't settle and then I had to spend a lot of time walking around in the carrier to get him to sleep.

DizzySquirrel90 · 20/02/2022 15:35

Our 6 week old slept through the wedding we attended. I was maid of honour. He was the best behaved child there.

CorneliusVetch · 20/02/2022 15:40

@DizzySquirrel90

Our 6 week old slept through the wedding we attended. I was maid of honour. He was the best behaved child there.
I’m really pleased about that, but had your six week old been colicky and a total nightmare all day, there wouldn’t have been anything you could do about it. You don’t know in advance what you’re going to get when you invite a newborn.
DizzySquirrel90 · 20/02/2022 15:47

@CorneliusVetch if my lil one was colicky I would have decided against it. However my partner was fully prepared to walk out of the ceremony with little one HAD he have started to stir or kicked off. That is not inconsiderate at all that is very responsible as a parent.

FrozenWillow263 · 20/02/2022 16:12

Yes I would allow it. I would allow children to my wedding - provided it is clear in the invitation that we are not responsible for your children so don't think of this as pawning your kids on us whilst you drink.

Happened at my friends wedding. Children allowed and my partner was Best Man. I made a solid choice to only have 1-2 alcoholic drinks and still keep my senses in tact to look after our children whilst partner attended to his duties as Best Man.

That wedding was awesome - no fights - just bliss. So yes, yes I would. If newborn is breastfeeding, newborn is going to need to be near mama 24/7 and Daddy won't want to be away from newborn.

Allow the child to come to the wedding! If you don't want a whole host of children there then say, only the bridal paries kids will be there and the rest need to get babysitters - you can come to a compromise.

CorneliusVetch · 20/02/2022 16:25

[quote DizzySquirrel90]@CorneliusVetch if my lil one was colicky I would have decided against it. However my partner was fully prepared to walk out of the ceremony with little one HAD he have started to stir or kicked off. That is not inconsiderate at all that is very responsible as a parent. [/quote]
It’s not inconsiderate at all as long as the bride and groom are happy to have the baby there and take that risk. You surely can’t actually think that babies never disrupt wedding ceremonies?

DizzySquirrel90 · 20/02/2022 17:52

@CorneliusVetch it's up to them, obviously. If they don't want babies there then don't go. Simple.

I guess we were just lucky we weren't going to a stuck up brides wedding 🙂

PetiteBanane23 · 20/02/2022 18:46

I really hope the OP is not the bride because it’s been suggested her to be stuck-up, mean-spirited, nasty, selfish, bridezilla, childish… and we don’t actually know the woman. SMH

Radziwill · 20/02/2022 19:51

@PetiteBanane23, we know the bride and groom told the best man he could bring a plus-one as long as she wasn't his wife. Come on, that's nasty. Extremely passive-aggressive.

PetiteBanane23 · 20/02/2022 19:54

They didn’t say that though did they? I took it as she can come without baby or not come. And if BM feels he want to bring someone else instead he can. I mean it’s a bit strange but not nasty. My husband would probably say “great! I’ll bring my brother” if it was us and I declined to come

They hardly said “please bring anyone but your wife because we hate her”

PetiteBanane23 · 20/02/2022 19:56

I think people are just desperate to make out the bride is a nasty piece of work because they don’t like the idea that not everyone wants their precious babies at a wedding.

PetiteBanane23 · 20/02/2022 20:02

@PetiteBanane23

They didn’t say that though did they? I took it as she can come without baby or not come. And if BM feels he want to bring someone else instead he can. I mean it’s a bit strange but not nasty. My husband would probably say “great! I’ll bring my brother” if it was us and I declined to come

They hardly said “please bring anyone but your wife because we hate her”

In replying to @Radziwill
CorneliusVetch · 20/02/2022 20:12

[quote DizzySquirrel90]@CorneliusVetch it's up to them, obviously. If they don't want babies there then don't go. Simple.

I guess we were just lucky we weren't going to a stuck up brides wedding 🙂[/quote]
Calling someone stuck up for wanting an adult only wedding - honestly, have a word with yourself. It’s a really unpleasant attitude.

MabelsApron · 20/02/2022 20:18

@PetiteBanane23

I really hope the OP is not the bride because it’s been suggested her to be stuck-up, mean-spirited, nasty, selfish, bridezilla, childish… and we don’t actually know the woman. SMH
Yep. Meanwhile all the women who’ve made choices about their own weddings because of traumatic events have had to read them.

And I agree that people here have been desperate to paint the bride as a shallow self-absorbed young thing because that’s what always happens on threads where women suggest that their priority is something other than a another person’s baby. MN at its finest.

thing47 · 20/02/2022 22:20

I think the bride (and groom) are perfectly entitled to ask or not ask whoever they want to their wedding. I just think the groom will be looking for a new best man if his newborn baby – and by his extension, his wife –are excluded from it. And that is also perfectly reasonable.

Just as no one is obliged to be too bothered about someone else's baby, so too no one is obliged to be too bothered about someone else's wedding. It cuts both ways.

Wantthisfriend · 20/02/2022 22:27

The baby will be newborn. The best man will have half his mind on the baby/wife and if he's a considerate person will leave as soon as he can for home. I would keep the invite open for both, itll cost them nothing, the newborn is very very likely to be sleeping for 3 or so hours at a time. Both BM and wife will have fond memories of your "friends" big day, rather than icky memories of either being uninvited or being replaced by "an other". Is there a chance the bridge or groom are feeling they might get upstaged by a babe in arms?

BeckonCall · 21/02/2022 00:12

That wedding was awesome - no fights - just bliss.

@FrozenWillow263 Are fights normal at other weddings you attend?

Castlequeen · 21/02/2022 02:17

A breastfeeding mother would have little choice but to not attend. It's the parents, and moreover, the mum, who would have to deal with an unsettled bub at the event. Generally speaking, no kids, doesn't mean no babies. Obviously there needs to be a 'cut off' somewhere but many people don't want children at weddings because a) they are distracting, b) require paid meals, c) don't have a relationship with the bride and groom, d) may add too much cost etc. A baby need be no issue with any of these.