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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

957 replies

questionofthedaywedding · 18/02/2022 15:29

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ?

Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come?

Asking for a friend situation.

OP posts:
Twizbe · 20/02/2022 09:43

[quote thefamous5]@Migrainesbythedozen

Also hilarious that someone is going on about class and morals while calling someone choice to feed a baby skanky.

Only one skank here, 'love', and it ain't me...[/quote]
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Whatinthelord · 20/02/2022 09:44

@Migrainesbythedozen again though, I perfectly understand you wouldn’t want to bf while taking vows…I wouldn’t either. However calling it trashy? Just a bit judgemental.

SecretSpAD · 20/02/2022 09:44

Selfish bride view
Yes, fancy the bride wanting to have her one day in her life the way she wants it, and to not have her vows drowned out. Fancy a person wanting their day their way.... how very odd! Doesn't the bride and groom realise the day is not theirs or about them? Wow

I do find it very odd how some people on here seem to view a wedding as being arranged for the convenience of the guests, even if it goes against what the bride and groom actually want.

They don't want children there. End of. So children don't go. If that means that a guest, even a brides,aid or best man cant accept that, then the friendship is already over, isn't it.

Outside of MN weddings are seen as an important celebration of two people. The whole joining of families together is archaic and bullshit.

The two people getting married get to call the shots. They get to decide who is invited and who is not. As a guest, you get to decide whether you want to go or not. There doesn't really need to be any drama about it and if this is the bride who is the OP I'd say - just stand your ground and have the wedding you want.
If it's the mum - either your husband goes alone or he withdraws in time for his friend to find another best man. That's not difficult. It is the bride and groom who are the people who matter, not you, not your husband.

prettyteapotsplease · 20/02/2022 09:45

It's pretty damn mean-spirited for the BM to be expected to leave his wife and baby at home for this wedding. I'd expect either the B&G to allow babes in arms and their mothers to attend or for the BM to decline. Whether the friendship survives is doubtful.

SergeiL · 20/02/2022 09:46

My goodness. I think I have read it all now. Breastfeeding a child is skanky, trashy and means you are low class and dishevelled?

hellithurt · 20/02/2022 09:46

@Migrainesbythedozen I echo what others say, only one skanky and trashy person on here and it's you!

LadyPropane · 20/02/2022 09:47

So you're at a solemn ceremony and you are not only disorganised but you put baby on breast while exchanging vows, as if you rushed in from bed and you don't think that is vulgar and low class? Seriously? Is that how little the ceremony means to people these days? You just casually say some words while baby is on tit? Wtf am I reading.... No one wonder marriages don't last long these days if that is how little respect someone has. It's like there really is no morals or standards or class these days.

This whole paragraph is absolutely awful. You get worse and worse every time you say something. You have shown your true colours here.

ILoveYou3000 · 20/02/2022 09:49

See your attitude is exactly what I mean when I say the 'type' of parent who expects their kids to be invited is exactly the 'parent' who would let their child run riot or at least not watch them or discipline them. You seem to be oblivious to what you're saying, almost like you're proud of it. It's such disrespectful and rude behaviour. If I hid underneath a buffet table I can only imagine the trouble I would have been in, a smack or at least a firm telling off. The fact you were so unwatched that you got up to stuff like playing hide and seek under a buffet table proves my point and further firms my view of the people that treat a solemn wedding like some outside redneck bbq picnic at a park, and have no respect for the occasion, for the other guests let alone for the bride and groom. There is a 'type' of parent who wants their kids invited to everything they are, and that 'type' of parent is invariably the type to not give two shits what their child is up to or to supervise them. This further proves it.

God forbid a wedding be a celebration where people have fun with the whole family! Bloody outrageous. Exactly what harm are a couple of kids under a table, having a giggle causing?

You seem slightly rabid about this subject, you'd do better accepting not everyone thinks as you do or has the same experiences as you do. I've been to a mix of weddings - child-free, dozens of kids, family children only, babes-in-arms - and had a mix of experiences but I've never seen a newborn completely destroy or disrupt a wedding. I have witnessed little girls full of excitement about their pretty dresses, dancing with their cousins, a great-great grandma cutting up the dance floor with her great great pre-schooler grandson.

I've also seen some horrendous behaviour from adults - shagging in the disabled toilets, drunken fighting, stripping on the dance floor, passed out by the end of dinner.

hellithurt · 20/02/2022 09:49

@SergeiL

My goodness. I think I have read it all now. Breastfeeding a child is skanky, trashy and means you are low class and dishevelled?
I agree it's one of the most ridiculous comments I've read on here! Silly us to think breastfeeding a baby was natural and beautiful?

I now need to go back on all the threads where I've said that people feel they're being judged for breastfeeding in public and say you're right some people are weird enough to judge you. Previously I'd said that no way would anyone judge you, it's wonderful you breastfeed and they are in awe of you.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 20/02/2022 09:51

You can't expect parents with a baby only weeks old to leave it with someone to attend a wedding, if they want to that's their choice but i imagine most parents wouldn't. I would ofcourse suggest they bring their new baby with them.

girlmom21 · 20/02/2022 09:53

Sorry to break it to you but you can't take babies into bank managers or solicitors meetings.

Erm yes you can...

TolkiensFallow · 20/02/2022 09:59

@Migrainesbythedozen there aren’t that many people saying they’ve experienced it. There’s a lot of pearl clutching at the possibility of a baby crying but very few examples. I’ve been to 30 plus weddings and never experienced this - so as I say, it’s the circles you mix in.

PS - do you see how I manage to type a whole paragraph there without the need to write in bold? If it makes you feel better though, you crack on with writing in bold…it’ll definitely make people think better of you. For sure.

fussyhousewife · 20/02/2022 10:00

I am totally gobsmacked. Suddenly because a person would not go to a wedding because children not invited, does not have girls nights out or go to hen does. Do not get confused here an invitation that includes partner and does not include children is not one for me and, it would seem from some of the posts here, not one for others.

ILoveYou3000 · 20/02/2022 10:00

@musicalfrog

I said we were under the table I said nothing about playing or hide and seek. We sat under there and chatted, it was sometimes the only time I saw my cousins.

You are making some strange leaps and are coming across as slightly bizarre!

Yep perfectly normal. It's not like you were upending the buffet table or having a food fight. I mean how dare you sit under a table and chat!

No wonder she suffers so many migraines getting this wound up over children being part of an event and having some innocent fun.

sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea · 20/02/2022 10:04

Children are not to be hidden and shyed away from things. Children can and should attend weddings and funerals. Parents teach them how to act and behave. Yes Children can go to meetings with solicitors and bank managers. As a parent you model good behaviour, teach your children, pack colouring or other quiet things they can do while you are busy. A wedding ceremony is 30 minutes at most, I'm sure the majority of parents could keep a baby or toddler quiet for that short time. To say they would be screaming during the vows is a complete insult and pure speculation based upon nothing but a figment of your very vivid imagination.
As for kids hiding under the table..... what on earth is wrong with that if the food is over and everyone is partying?! She never said anytbing about doing it when they were serving the meal!!!!!! Get a life and a grip on reality.

scottishnames · 20/02/2022 10:14

Surely, it's by attending weddings and other family occasions, and being encouraged to behave well - and being praised/rewarded when they do - that children learn how to behave considerately in group social occasions?

If a mother doesn't take a crying baby to a place where the noise won't disturb others, it's the mother that's the problem, not the baby.

scottishnames · 20/02/2022 10:15

Sorry sunshine, cross-posted! I agree - children learn by copying considerate adult behaviour.

ILoveYou3000 · 20/02/2022 10:18

If you had read the thread @TolkiensFallow you would see too many are NOT considerate and leave. Did you not read those examples? That the mothers DON'T leave? Did you not read that? It's not just me, it is many, many people on this thread!

And just as many gave examples where parents did leave or that they hadn't even noticed a baby was there until later on. It isn't 'many, many', it was half a dozen or so. And not all were referring to newborns, some were older babies/toddlers. Good heavens, dramatic much!

In all the weddings with children I've been to, I think I can recall one (my cousin's, in a church) where a crying child wasn't taken out.

This will blow your mind now but at my sister's wedding, my nephew started crying during the vows (her son) because he wanted his mum, she held him while the ceremony continued and he fell asleep on her shoulder (he was 9m). The photographer got the most beautiful photo.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/02/2022 10:20

Christ I hope that particularly vocal poster with the headaches doesn't have kids!

SergeiL · 20/02/2022 10:21

The kids had a blast at our wedding. Some of them made some noise during the ceremony. We sorted out loads of stuff for them to do and I am sure there was some hide and seek type stuff going on. We didn’t care. We heard each other say our vows. We weren’t putting on a show. We were putting on a party for family and friends.

RJnomore1 · 20/02/2022 10:23

Oh wow did someone say up there that weddings should be arranged for what The bride and groom want and not the convenience of the guests? And there is everything that's wrong with todays world in one sentence 😂

Ginandcrispsarebliss · 20/02/2022 10:36

We had children/babies at our Wedding and it was a beautiful day. If your friend can't bring her NB to the Wedding then I wouldn't go.
When our friends married, my DD was 1 week old and we were invited to the Wedding and Yes I BF my Daughter. It was not trashy and I didn't BF at the table. We were in a beautiful hotel and took her to a quite place and sat with a cover over me while she was feeding.

ISmellBurnings · 20/02/2022 10:39

This thread is going to go on and on and the OP is never going to come back. 🤷🏻‍♀️

NativityDreaming · 20/02/2022 11:02

I think a certain headache poster is involved in this wedding somehow… she seems overly invested in fighting her corner and taking it very personally that the majority of people don’t agree with her.

Integrity7 · 20/02/2022 11:06

of course but with the wife in the assurance it is taken ut immediately in event of noise. Or a sitter/ separate room with cot be provided.