Page 35 | Would you allow best man's newborn at wedding

questionofthedaywedding · 2022-02-18T15:29:55+00:00

If your best man would be father to a 1-2 month old new born on your wedding day, would you allow the newborn at the wedding, when it's generally a no children wedding ? Is that being harsh to best man and his wife, who'll presumably only come if newborn can come? Asking for a friend situation.

Dave94 · 20/02/2022 11:19

If my son wasn’t invited to things like birthdays or weddings then generally I wouldn’t go wether his mom went that was up to her.

JessieLongleg · 20/02/2022 12:24

If it was a best man I would pay for a close room especially if the reception was in a hotel and and get some childcare. I'm sure could find close family to watch the for a hour to let them mum to the reception. They need sleep and milk and why put them through a wedding. Personally if it was me would let my husband go without me it to much hassle. If he was planning to spend the night looking after baby then can he really be the best man maybe someone else should do it.

jackstini · 20/02/2022 12:35

I know of a wedding where this happened

The wife and 2 week old baby stayed at home and the best man attended

His relationship with the groom was never the same (I was amazed he ever agreed) and a lot of the people at the wedding who knew the situation were pretty disgusted at the groom. Even the bride wasn't that happy

I don't think newborns should count, even at a child free wedding. Putting brand new parents in that situation is a shitty dick move IMHO

clynneand · 20/02/2022 12:39

I mean, I think its fine to secretly wish the baby isn't there. But yes, you can't just ban a tiny baby (and effectively the mum) unless you want to chance having no best man. Agree with everyone else.

AngryGreek · 20/02/2022 13:09

We had a child free wedding. Six months before o found out I couldn’t have children naturally and it destroyed me. Husbands friends announced their pregnancy around the same time.

I asked my husband to make it clear that I didn’t want them to being the baby. He refused to ask this of them.

We had a “miracle pregnancy” a few months later but we lost it and I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. We kept this to ourselves.

They come to our wedding with a three week old baby, it’s the first time anyone has met the baby and all day they are fussed over.

I spent most of the journey from church to reception crying. Felt like my husband didn’t support me and chose his friends over my feelings.

We are divorced now.

Anabella23 · 20/02/2022 13:14

You choose a best man because he is special, how do you think that would make him feel if you replaced him, just because he has a baby!!!! People who have these no children weddings will realise when they have their own how insulting that is. If I was the best man (and his partner) I would find some new friends that appreciate them as a family. How many of us can say, its things children do at the weddings that create those memories

PetiteBanane23 · 20/02/2022 13:22

Most people I know in real life would not be so bothered about this, they probably would just not go and leave their husband to it. Common amongst my friends. Only on mumsnet.

The sort of people that get pissy about it will probably be the sort of person to raise entitled little shits so you’re probably best off without them if they do not like the request

blubberyboo · 20/02/2022 13:30

@SecretSpAD

What you have described is an elopement not a wedding.

If a couple wants the day to be about them only then then they elope with no guests.

If you want a wedding then that is a day for families to come together and you surround yourself with your loved ones and that means whatever way they come warts kids and all. You can’t pick and choose because of the aesthetic. If you do make controversial exclusions you will usually find your friends and family won’t like or respect you very much going forward.

PetiteBanane23 · 20/02/2022 13:32

Imagine being invited to a wedding and then voicing the opinion the day is not all about the bride and groom 😂 that’s the point surely?

Marvellousmadness · 20/02/2022 13:34

No kids means no babies imo (weddings and babies: it's a no from me)HOWEVER this defies the "no kid law" as it is in regards to the 'best man' and not some friend/colleaugue etc

MabelsApron · 20/02/2022 13:39

@AngryGreek I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. There have been a few sad stories like this on the thread (mine included) which have been ignored by posters desperate to have a go at shallow, selfish, ignorant non-mummies. I didn’t want that to happen this you. I’m so sorry that your husband didn’t support you, and I hope that you’ve found a place of peace or that you do so in time.

AngryGreek · 20/02/2022 13:46

Yeah I’ve read a few now going through the thread and it looks like a lot of them have been ignored

Kind of astonishes me that as soon as someone else is getting married there’s a lot of people willing to call them a selfish bridezilla/groomzilla as soon as they don’t like something about the wedding. Just because you wouldn’t have your wedding a certain way doesn’t mean it wouldn’t suit other people? Would love to see how they were when arranging their own wedding, completely thoughtful and selfless I’m sure!

Very tired of the narrative you should go out of the way for everyone else, especially friends with children, or your a bitter old witch. Ties in to the misogynist tripe that women are never allowed to put their needs first I think.

PetiteBanane23 · 20/02/2022 13:48

@AngryGreek

Yeah I’ve read a few now going through the thread and it looks like a lot of them have been ignored

Kind of astonishes me that as soon as someone else is getting married there’s a lot of people willing to call them a selfish bridezilla/groomzilla as soon as they don’t like something about the wedding. Just because you wouldn’t have your wedding a certain way doesn’t mean it wouldn’t suit other people? Would love to see how they were when arranging their own wedding, completely thoughtful and selfless I’m sure!

Very tired of the narrative you should go out of the way for everyone else, especially friends with children, or your a bitter old witch. Ties in to the misogynist tripe that women are never allowed to put their needs first I think.

@MabelsApron

TarcasticSwat · 20/02/2022 13:53

@PetiteBanane23

Imagine being invited to a wedding and then voicing the opinion the day is not all about the bride and groom 😂 that’s the point surely?

Nope! Just like if you can plan a birthday party for yourself or even your precious children the party needs to be focused around the convenience and tastes of the guests not the person whose birthday it is...right?! Otherwise you're just plain selfish 🤔

sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea · 20/02/2022 14:03

@AngryGreek nobody is saying your story doesn't matter. But it comes down to be open and honest with your loved ones. If a friend said to me I'm sorry you can't bring your child because I've just found out I can't have children, then I would obviously be empathetic but at the same time say sorry I won't be able to attend if my son can't come because we come as one now.
Obviously there are times when I don't take him like a couple of hours in the pub with friends but NEVER a whole day event.

MabelsApron · 20/02/2022 14:04

@AngryGreek

Yeah I’ve read a few now going through the thread and it looks like a lot of them have been ignored

Kind of astonishes me that as soon as someone else is getting married there’s a lot of people willing to call them a selfish bridezilla/groomzilla as soon as they don’t like something about the wedding. Just because you wouldn’t have your wedding a certain way doesn’t mean it wouldn’t suit other people? Would love to see how they were when arranging their own wedding, completely thoughtful and selfless I’m sure!

Very tired of the narrative you should go out of the way for everyone else, especially friends with children, or your a bitter old witch. Ties in to the misogynist tripe that women are never allowed to put their needs first I think.

Yup.

My favourite ironic moment was the poster expressing outrage at hearing one person describe weddings with children described as unserious and tacky - “just because you wouldn’t do it, doesn’t mean it’s ok to describe everyone else’s wedding that way!” - as if there hadn’t been 34 pages of people describing childfree weddings as selfish, joyless, miserable, dull, self-absorbed, cold…

Anyway, yep, I agree with you. Women are required to be very, very interested in other people’s children and to accept that society regards them as lesser than those that have reproduced (and their whims accordingly are frivolous). You never see it more clearly than on wedding threads and Christmas leave threads.

NinjaQueen · 20/02/2022 14:08

Of course the wife and baby should be invited. I would be reconsidering this friendship if I were the best man.

CorneliusVetch · 20/02/2022 14:28

[quote sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea]@AngryGreek nobody is saying your story doesn't matter. But it comes down to be open and honest with your loved ones. If a friend said to me I'm sorry you can't bring your child because I've just found out I can't have children, then I would obviously be empathetic but at the same time say sorry I won't be able to attend if my son can't come because we come as one now.
Obviously there are times when I don't take him like a couple of hours in the pub with friends but NEVER a whole day event.[/quote]
And what if they don’t want to share that very personal information? Some people’s entitlement to take their child to every event is more important than people not to want to discuss the health of their reproductive system, such that you’re a selfish bridezilla if you don’t disclose a reason like that?

Not that I’m indulging the fucking pathetic notion that infertility is the only valid reason not to want children at your wedding, but just dealing with the content of your specific post.

Cos1970 · 20/02/2022 14:33

We had a child free wedding with the exception of children of family, when we sent out the save the dates we made sure we included the crèche and babysitting facilities that the hotel had. Most of our friends were delighted about having a child free night! Our BM had twin girls who were around 10 months old and they used the babysitting service. They did bring the babies out briefly during the reception but they asked if it was okay before they did it.

In contrast we went to a family wedding when our DS was 3 months old and found out a few minutes before the wedding breakfast that children weren’t welcome whilst everyone was eating and they had organised babysittters. I was in tears at the thought of leaving my baby with strangers, particularly when it wasn’t our decision to do so. If we’d known this in advance I would have stayed at the hotel with our DS while my DH went to the wedding. The couple in question now have two children themselves and I wonder how they would feel if they were in the same situation.

SecretSpAD · 20/02/2022 14:45

What you have described is an elopement not a wedding

Not at all. It describes every wedding any of us have been invited to - apart from these mythical ones on here.

It goes like this....

A couple decides to get married
That couple then decides what sort,of wedding they want
Then where that wedding will be
On what date they will get married
Who they want at the wedding

They then send out the invitations and people can choose to attend or not.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 20/02/2022 14:46

It's a tiny baby so they have a choice, either best man and wife don't come, best man's wife doesn't come, or they behave like grown ups and let the baby come.

SecretSpAD · 20/02/2022 14:50

[quote sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea]**@AngryGreek nobody is saying your story doesn't matter. But it comes down to be open and honest with your loved ones. If a friend said to me I'm sorry you can't bring your child because I've just found out I can't have children, then I would obviously be empathetic but at the same time say sorry I won't be able to attend if my son can't come because we come as one now.
Obviously there are times when I don't take him like a couple of hours in the pub with friends but NEVER a whole day event.[/quote]
Err, no. No one should ever have to disclose anything to anyone that they do not wish them to know.

@AngryGreek my sister was in your situation and even though she went on to have children through IVF, she still has painful memories of the pressure and arguments around her decision to protect her own mental health on her own wedding day.

MabelsApron · 20/02/2022 14:50

@CorneliusVetch THANK YOU. I’ve seen threads on here where posters have told an OP who wants a childfree wedding/isn’t coping with baby shower excitement/etc etc for this reason that she needs to get over herself because it’s their friend’s most ~special time~.

I did disclose my situation to a friend and I was told that my lack of fanfare (I “only” sent a gift) had really impinged upon the magic of her newborn. I don’t bother explaining myself now. If people don’t want to come to my childfree event and would rather call me selfish, that’s on them.

Scoobydoobydo · 20/02/2022 14:58

My wedding was no children
My bil and his wife brought their 3 month baby to the wedding
DH said to his brother that it was fine but please take the baby outside if she cried in the church and he agreed.
Just as we started to take our vows the baby started to scream.
She was not taken outside
They were sat right at the front and she screamed all the way through the crucial parts.
You cannot hear our vows on the video just a crying baby.

I was very unhappy but it was done so no point in getting into a row about it.
But I could quite happily have strangled the parents.

AngryGreek · 20/02/2022 15:00

@sunshinesandybeachclearbluesea

Yeah looking back I should have just explained it all in big letters on the invite - I forgot that when thinking of others your right to privacy is totally erased

Actually told a (now firmly ex) friend about why we had a no children wedding (hers were 2ish at the time and she queried why they couldn’t come) and it was suggested I put my own feelings aside because if I told people about my infertility it “would make others feel bad about having children” it would be unfairon them and even though she knew I wasn’t it made me look “jealous and mean-spirited” because my infertility was noone else’s fault

people women without children just can’t win 😂