Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:
Dontbeme · 18/02/2022 20:04

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents

Have you asked him what he was doing with his money when you had to pay rent, or then pay a mortgage on this flat? He presumably didn't have the same outgoings as you in that time period and would have had ample opportunity to save a lot of money by living at home, so why isn't he stumping up that money for home improvements rather than pressuring you to fund it all? It seems even though you now are 50/50 you are still financially unbalanced as he knows all about your money and contents of your will (and has been researching what you could earn from a sale you don't want) but you know nothing of his savings.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 18/02/2022 20:48

"I read so many other threads where all the talk is about 'household money'. It seems that only applies when the man earns more, or the man has greater assets"

Actually, it tends to apply when the couple are a) married, b) have children and often c) the woman has sacrificed her earning potential to be the one at home with the children

Very very different to two adults, not married, paying a strict 50/50 and maintaining separate finances.

Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 21:57

@Dontbeme

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents

Have you asked him what he was doing with his money when you had to pay rent, or then pay a mortgage on this flat? He presumably didn't have the same outgoings as you in that time period and would have had ample opportunity to save a lot of money by living at home, so why isn't he stumping up that money for home improvements rather than pressuring you to fund it all? It seems even though you now are 50/50 you are still financially unbalanced as he knows all about your money and contents of your will (and has been researching what you could earn from a sale you don't want) but you know nothing of his savings.

I was going to bring this up in response to someone else being snarky about my flat being his business but DP went travelling in his 20's so he spent time saving for that and then years paying that back/building up savings. I don't grudge him that at all and would never dream of telling him that he spent money that I should be entitled to later (as he is now doing with the flat).
OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 22:19

Genuine question @baconroll12, how do you feel about him now? While there have been a few people quibbling about your friend’s rent, I don’t remember anyone saying you should sell your flat or give him access to your money.

Original poster
baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 22:38

@Blossomtoes

Genuine question *@baconroll12*, how do you feel about him now? While there have been a few people quibbling about your friend’s rent, I don’t remember anyone saying you should sell your flat or give him access to your money.
I feel fine about him. I was never sold on marriage anyway and this thread has definitely put me off Wink

I am 100% not selling the flat. I like my house but I love that flat, it's gorgeous and means so much to me.

If he wants to do these renovations so badly he can either go 50:50 or forget about them.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 18/02/2022 23:43

Delighted to hear it. Just don’t let him have a conservatory, save someone else the job of demolition when you sell!

Chickenpoxtwins · 19/02/2022 07:22

I thought that the flat might have been an excuse to try and get your friend and goddaughter out of your life, with the added context of it being willed to your goddaughter I'm much more convinced.Your partner has an issue with your friend, I don't know if it's because he wants to have you all to himself or he doesn't like her for some reason. When he says "your wild single days" that's a euphemism for Becca

I agree with this. Don't marry this greedy guts. It would be interesting to hear what he would have to say if you suggested using his savings to pay for his conservatory.

revampneeded · 19/02/2022 08:05

OP, you sound like a very grounded and sensible person.

Can I just add, as someone who used to own a flat in a similar sounding area, renting to postgrads and young professionals for two or three years at a time: I got good market rent, but the cost, in terms of hassle factor and wear and tear on the flat, was just not worth it. Loads of cleanup and repair work between tenancies, leakages that caused expensive damage because the tenants didn't report them in time, eventually paying managing agents because it all got too much etc.

Becca would have been my dream tenant. Low expenses and you know your asset is being well maintained.

FinallyHere · 19/02/2022 08:49

but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

Go
On tell more more about his excellent qualities. I'm really not seeing anything good in his attitude.

FinallyHere · 19/02/2022 09:14

Glad to read a thread about a couple where the woman is switched on and understands that in the absence of DC 50:50 finances are the right way forward.

How do you feel about him, now that you spotted that he seems to want to get his hands on your asset while keeping his savings to himself?

MacaroniBaloney · 19/02/2022 09:31

Is he called Simon and did you meet him on Tinder?

Original poster
baconroll12 · 19/02/2022 12:55

@FinallyHere

but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

Go
On tell more more about his excellent qualities. I'm really not seeing anything good in his attitude.

I'm not going to go into why I genuinely do love him as I know it will be picked apart and I'll be met with cries of 'LTB'!
OP posts:
billy1966 · 19/02/2022 13:12

You sound like a lovely person and a very kind friend.

Becca is very lucky.

I'm delighted to read you will not marry him, not sell your flat.

However much he cares for you he cares for money more and there is a £ sign on your head.

This is not a good man.

You are selling yourself very short by being with him IMO.

Greedy people would take the eye out of your head, given half the chance.

If you were my daughter I would counsel you to be VERY wary.

When someone shows you their character, believe them.

"Greedy guts" isn't a keeper.

You definitely are however.Flowers

WildPoinsettia · 19/02/2022 13:46

@Blossomtoes

Delighted to hear it. Just don’t let him have a conservatory, save someone else the job of demolition when you sell!
I agree with this. We had one built at my childhood family home. It was barely used! Far too hot in summer and far too cold in winter. It looked a mess too, housing the dining table which was used once a week for Sunday dinner in spring and autumn, while the dining room slowly became a junk storage room. There was a small sofa and chairs which nobody ever sat at, permanently piled high with laundry waiting to be put away. And the large clothes airer went out there in the last remaining bit of space. The money would have been better spent converting the garage next to the kitchen into a bigger kitchen and a reasonable sized utility room.
DonaPatrizia · 19/02/2022 17:39

Keep the flat
Dump the twat

Ginandtonics · 19/02/2022 17:51

YANBU Don't sell the flat because it ruffles a mans feathers! Do you have a stake in his place? Do you pay your way, the bills etc? The flat is your savings and investment for the future, why should he expect you to loose it - unless of course you choose to pool resources in a fair way that still enables you to dump the twat when you get fed up with him and still have a nice place to live.

Ginandtonics · 19/02/2022 17:54

Mind you, the law around housing is changing and if you let the flat at a very low rent without all the proper contracts and safety tests etc etc you may find you can never increase the rent or get your flat back. Could get screwed either way.

Mumof3confused · 19/02/2022 18:04

YANBU

If you marry him, make sure you get him to sign a prenup.

HalGem99 · 19/02/2022 18:06

You sound like such a lovely lady and an amazing friend and godmother. If I was you, I would not change any arrangements with regards to the flat. It sounds like you're doing really well for yourself and not in need of having more money so there's no need to increase your friends rent especially if you don't plan on having children.

Your friend and goddaughter are very lucky to have you in their life and looking out for them .

Dnaltocs · 19/02/2022 18:07

Don’t sell the flat.
I just can’t imagine being with someone who is money obsessed.

He doesn’t seem husband material.
This is your security and it sounds like you need that security.
His mean approach will increase with age.
Good luck.

MrsBizzyBody · 19/02/2022 18:08

It is so important as women that even though we may be in committed relationships we keep ourselves financially secure. I know so many women who have put everything into relationships both financially and emotionally and ended up with nothing at the other end. I kept my flat as a pension/ investment even after I got married because you never know what’s going to happen In life. I would keep it. You can help your friend out by not charging the market rate and you know they will look after it.

Hertsgirl10 · 19/02/2022 18:09

Keep your flat, what said is VERY manipulating.

Pr1mr0se · 19/02/2022 18:14

I think your husband has every right to discuss this with you and have an opinion.

It is however up to you to make any decisions about the flat whether that is to accept your friends low rent arrangement or sell it.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 19/02/2022 18:16

Pr1mr0se what husband?

TracyMosby · 19/02/2022 18:16

@Pr1mr0se

I think your husband has every right to discuss this with you and have an opinion.

It is however up to you to make any decisions about the flat whether that is to accept your friends low rent arrangement or sell it.

What a good job op has no husband!
Swipe left for the next trending thread