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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not sell my old flat?

492 replies

baconroll12 · 18/02/2022 10:41

12 years ago when I was single I bought a gorgeous old 2 bedroom flat that was a bit rundown in a not so nice area. I flatshared with my best friend (lets call her Becca) for most of the time I lived there and we tried our hand at some DIY/restoration and had the place looking incredible.

My DP and I bought a house 3 years ago and before that he lived with his parents. We're not married and we have a joint bank account that all bills come out of with our own separate savings and current accounts.

Becca and her DH split a few years ago in pretty awful circumstances and her and my goddaughter (4) moved back into my flat. The rent is the same as it was when we lived together.

My DP has become quite fixated on this flat. The run down area has now been fully gentrified and is one of the top places to live in the area. He told me that the going rate for rent is now 5 x what Becca pays. He's also looked into recently sold prices and told me what 'we' could do with the money if I sold the flat now. DP has a lot of excellent qualities but he is extremely greedy when it comes to money.

It's become a really touchy subject for us and he keeps saying that I want to keep the flat because it reminds me of my 'wild single days' and that I'm not fully committed to the relationship until I let go of the flat.

YABU- sell the flat
YANBU- keep the flat as you'll need it when you leave him (said in slight jest)

OP posts:
Juststopamoment · 19/02/2022 18:17

Do not sell the flat! If you and DH split up that will help you when he tries to take you to the cleaners!

Iziz · 19/02/2022 18:17

Not his business u bought it before being with him your choice what to do or not do with it , I would say keep it for a rainy day especially if he is greedy with money , if he keeps pushing you tell him straight in the eyes it’s not his business if he loves you and respects you he should drop it .

Mirw · 19/02/2022 18:18

Tell your DP it is your pension... Don't sell as the money then becomes "couple money" and will disappear, especially if you are not married! If, for example, you split up, then he would get half of the "couple money" and you would be left either having to buy him out or having to find somewhere to stay. This is both your parachute and your pension. Did you set a time limited on Becca staying? Might be worth looking at upping the rent a bit in line with inflation, otherwise Becca is taking the p. She needs to be encouraged to think about her future where you do not subsidise her living costs.

Annie202 · 19/02/2022 18:24

baconroll12

You are a lovely person and I wish I had a friend like you. Your partner, on the other hand, would see your best friend and goddaughter homeless.
Please do not sell your flat.

Mumontour85 · 19/02/2022 18:26

Tell him flatly that there is no 'we' when it comes to 'your' flat, or who you choose to rent it to or for how much!
Cheeky fucker!

ChocolateMassacre · 19/02/2022 18:29

Tell your DP that if you sell the flat, you'll be putting most of the proceeds into a trust fund for your goddaughter since it was your intention to leave the flat to her in your will to ensure her financial security. So there won't be any money for home improvements anyway and she's better served by having a stable home at the moment. That should put him off it Wink.

Fudgemonkeys · 19/02/2022 18:30

Keep the flat but raise the rent, even if not to market value, I assume your friend knows she's getting it very cheaply. Hope you've a tenancy agreement for her too. Yours to do as you please. Smile

EmbarrassedAllOver · 19/02/2022 18:35

YANBU, who does he think he is!

He sounds like a manipulative bully.

TolkiensFallow · 19/02/2022 18:35

Don’t sell the flat! It’s your flat! Your name is on the deeds and the moment you sell it, the proceeds will become shared which is your partners end game.
Tell him no, it’s your pension and he is not to bring it up again unless he wants to cash in his own pension and give you half the money!

HareHare · 19/02/2022 18:37

I think you sound like a good friend. If it were me l would be a bit sad that DP did not appreciate this but maybe he is a good balance to your generous nature

Greenmarmalade · 19/02/2022 18:38

I think you’re a good friend and godmother to not up the rent. (Anyway-you’d end up paying most of it in taxes so may as well keep it lower.)

PilotRochester · 19/02/2022 18:40

Keep the flat, ditch the man!

TolkiensFallow · 19/02/2022 18:42

OP, you are great and a decent person!

buddylicious · 19/02/2022 18:44

Keep the flat and let your friend live there.

However, maybe look at the rent she pays, then look at the current market rate, and perhaps increase it to a figure between the two.

Bleachmycloths · 19/02/2022 18:45

‘Wild single days’ and ‘ not fully committed’ are pretty transparent attempts at emotional blackmail to get money out of you. I would regard this as a very big red flag. PLEASE DON’T MARRY HIM.

hettie · 19/02/2022 18:48

You are financially vulnerable with him being a 'DP' if you are naive enough to see yourself as sharing joint assets. Marry (personally I wouldn't as he sounds a bit objectionable and you clearly don't have shared values) or keep your assets (including the flat) to yourself and make your own decisions...

TracyMosby · 19/02/2022 18:49

@hettie

You are financially vulnerable with him being a 'DP' if you are naive enough to see yourself as sharing joint assets. Marry (personally I wouldn't as he sounds a bit objectionable and you clearly don't have shared values) or keep your assets (including the flat) to yourself and make your own decisions...
How is op financially vulnerable?
EveningOverRooftops · 19/02/2022 18:57

Keep the flat. Ditch the boyfriend. You’ll save more than what the flats worth by doing that!

BitterestPill · 19/02/2022 19:00

You sound incredible, your head firmly screwed on!
I love that you are doing this for your friend and God daughter....absolutely fantastic....never ever knock a women for helping another woman stand tall and be proud.
You know that you'll never sell the flat, greedy bollox will just have to get over himself!
You rock!

esloquehay · 19/02/2022 19:02

LTB.
Become an hipster.
Move in with Becca & her DC.
Set up donkey sanctuary in back yard.
Go wild!
😃

Roxy69 · 19/02/2022 19:03

@MrsWooster

Yanbu , and if /when you get married, bear in mind how grabby with money he is and beware…
This absolutely. Unfortunately no-one's for life these days and what you see now is only going to get worse. You need to protect yourself. Sorry.
Suzanne999 · 19/02/2022 19:13

YANBU. It’s a great investment, probably making more than a pension would atm. Keep it but look at commercial rent when your friend moves out.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 19/02/2022 19:13

@hettie

You are financially vulnerable with him being a 'DP' if you are naive enough to see yourself as sharing joint assets. Marry (personally I wouldn't as he sounds a bit objectionable and you clearly don't have shared values) or keep your assets (including the flat) to yourself and make your own decisions...
How is she vulnerable? She has a job, no children, and owns her own flat with a lot of equity, and half their shared house.

If she marries him he will jointly own her flat!!

WaitroseCarpark · 19/02/2022 19:19

YANBU Pls tell him to go fuck himself.

EvilPea · 19/02/2022 19:22

Yanbu

Keep the flat. I should have kept mine. I didn’t. I’m financially fucked after the split.