Would you also be fuming or am I being unkind ?

[justhowuseless]

DS has started nursery recently and is often ill ( almost always ).

He's often awake in the night and crying. So I go into his room and stay with him to try to calm him down. I put him with me in the bed in his room and try to comfort him.

Tonight he's been awake since 1 am and just tossing and turning and crying a little bit sometimes. When this happens, I know that if I leave to go to the bathroom or to get milk for him or calpol, he will get very upset. So I often just hold it if I need to go to the bathroom, for hours. It's what us mother do.

In any case, it just kept getting layer and he wasn't settling so I really need to get him Calpol, as the crying is getting worse and he must be in some kind of pain. Husband obviously never gets up for any of it and I also don't wake him up. But toddler is screaming quite loudly now, so husband must be awake- but still not coming to see if he can help or anything. I therefore call out to him and ask him to come in and stay with DS while I go and get milk and Calpol. He says ok..

While I'm downstairs I can hear DS wailing completely hysterically now, much worse than before and by the time I get back, husband is in the toilet and has just chucked DS in his cot and opened his sleeping bag. The very thing I had tried to avoid, was leaving him, as I know it would make it worse.

I tell husband what are you doing, I told you to stay with him and husband is like, but I needed to go to the toilet. I'm totally fucked off. What was the point. I could also have just chucked DS in his bed and left the room.

Am I being too much or does this once again show how selfish my husband is ?

I was thinking of you last night when dh woke me to get calpol for the baby, I needed to pee, remarkably I managed to go get the calpol for dh first.

@HandScreen I guess you think nursing a toddler is way over the top too then? This is literally just replicating what babies are biologically programmed to want. The comfort of warm milk and something to suck on. That in itself could be soothing enough, potentially without the paracetamol.

Being a hardass to a baby doesn't make you a superior parent.

YABU with the holding it in and the “its what us mothers do” comment. I don’t. No child (even an unwell one) has ever been damaged by their parent nipping off to use the loo and leaving them safe in their cot. If I need to go to the toilet I will go. I have IBS so not even like I have a choice. Likewise for your husband. It’s not always possible to hold it ‘for hours’ as you say you do. What did you want him to do…piss/shit himself?

YANBU to expect your DH to pull his weight, do fair share of caring for your child and night wakings etc

Sounds like you are pandering to your child a bit here, you hang on for ages not going to the loo , this is ott, your toddler needs to understand you need to pop out to get his milk / use the loo etc surely ?

And that is not 'what mums do' I would never sit there desperate for the loo waiting , how ridicuous

What happens when baby number 2 comes?

@Mumdiva99

Sorry off point....calpol in warm milk? Why? Just give the syringe and it's gone. Nice and quick. Don't faff with warm milk unless its actually a feeding time. I keep calpol next to my bed when kids are ill to avoid going downstairs.

My DD goes utterly bananas if I try and syringe medicine into her mouth. Takes ages to calm her down afterwards. Calpol in milk is a much calmer experience!

@Graphista

If your husband has always been this shit as a parent (toilet needs notwithstanding as that's bonkers martyrdom!) and NOT partner why on earth are you having a 2nd?!

You're heavily pregnant, your current youngest is ill and your husband is doing fuck all?

No!

Get him told that this is not acceptable and he needs to bloody step up! Without getting moody!

Moody? He needs to grow the hell up!

Frankly he sounds emotionally abusive/training you!

Probably, but I thought he'd be annoyed to have to go downstairs

Well that's tough shit on him! He has 1 dc and another on the way time he pulled his fucking weight

On something of a side note if it's repeated apparent chest infections/croup - has he actually been checked for asthma? This type of repeat symptoms is often how asthma presents in little ones - particularly likely if steroids are helping! This is one area where tiger mum needs to come out! Stop letting the hcps fob you off and insist on an assessment

The more you say about the croup the more it sounds to me like asthma and not croup at all

In fact - get husband to take baby for next Drs visit! Sadly hcps take men more seriously even when they
are representing a child. Shouldn't b e true but it is

The NHS don't want to refer me anywhere

They never do! You have to be pushy

Calpol is not a benign drug op, it really ought to be a very last resort

I'm thinking there may be an allergen at nursery too, yes there is the "they get every bug going" thing when they start nursery but they wouldn't all have almost the exact same symptoms. It may be a perfume or other toiletry a nursery worker uses or a cleaning product

I'm afraid the lying still etc is nonsensical too it's not sustainable and it's not healthy - physically or mentally

Ooh May I ask why not ibobrofen for upper respiratory problems ? And thank you for your post.

NSAIDs like ibuprofen and aspirin can be triggering for those of us with asthma and similar

I can't take ibuprofen at all for this reason

My DD has been admitted to hospital several times recently with respiratory issues. Both the hospital consultants & GPs we spoke to afterwards stated whilst respiratory infections may cause asthma like symptoms which should be treated as such, asthma is not formally diagnosed in children under 5. This is because many children grow out of this as their lungs get larger.

Not sure if you are still here @justhowuseless? I think with another baby arriving imminently you are going to have to get firmer with either your toddler or your husband. It is awful that you are risking a UTI in late pregnancy for fear of upsetting either of them.

@Ajl46 sorry I disagree I have experienced being told similar nonsense and know others who have too. In every case the child did have asthma

Refusing to dx is just fobbing parents off!

[quote DonnyBurrito]@HandScreen I guess you think nursing a toddler is way over the top too then? This is literally just replicating what babies are biologically programmed to want. The comfort of warm milk and something to suck on. That in itself could be soothing enough, potentially without the paracetamol.

Being a hardass to a baby doesn't make you a superior parent.[/quote]
OMG, it's not even a baby. A toddler can cope with some milk that's not been warmed up. Get a grip!

@Graphista and yet I know at least 10 parents who've been through similar experiences with their DC, all of whom grew out of it before turning 5. Time will tell for my DD.

@DonnyBurrito my DD has never been fussy about the temperature of milk - she's happy with it cold from the fridge if that means it comes faster!