Page 10 | Would you also be fuming or am I being unkind ?

justhowuseless · 2022-02-18T05:08:30+00:00

DS has started nursery recently and is often ill ( almost always ). He's often awake in the night and crying. So I go into his room and stay with him to try to calm him down. I put him with me in the bed in his room and try to comfort him. Tonight he's been awake since 1 am and just tossing and turning and crying a little bit sometimes. When this happens, I know that if I leave to go to the bathroom or to get milk for him or calpol, he will get very upset. So I often just hold it if I need to go to the bathroom, for hours. It's what us mother do. In any case, it just kept getting layer and he wasn't settling so I really need to get him Calpol, as the crying is getting worse and he must be in some kind of pain. Husband obviously never gets up for any of it and I also don't wake him up. But toddler is screaming quite loudly now, so husband must be awake- but still not coming to see if he can help or anything. I therefore call out to him and ask him to come in and stay with DS while I go and get milk and Calpol. He says ok.. While I'm downstairs I can hear DS wailing completely hysterically now, much worse than before and by the time I get back, husband is in the toilet and has just chucked DS in his cot and opened his sleeping bag. The very thing I had tried to avoid, was leaving him, as I know it would make it worse. I tell husband what are you doing, I told you to stay with him and husband is like, but I needed to go to the toilet. I'm totally fucked off. What was the point. I could also have just chucked DS in his bed and left the room. Am I being too much or does this once again show how selfish my husband is ?

Original poster

justhowuseless · 18/02/2022 13:30

@Arabellla

I think haikyew was joking :)

I didn't want to assume

OP posts:

lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 18/02/2022 13:31

Op can I just say that I have felt very frustrated with the many posters who obviously haven't read the thread properly. I understand why you feel so anxious about your little one. To have been at the hospital once with a baby who is struggling to breathe is hugely stressful, let alone 3 times! And you have taken advice from the hospital; who are you supposed to take it from? You are trying your best to keep everyone happy. And you are about to have another one!

I do agree with others, you need to talk to your husband about what is happening, and discuss how you will both handle these issues going forward. He does sound like he's not interested in how difficult it is for you, but it may be that he just hasn't realised. If you tell him straight then there will be no excuse (not that I think he really has one, just that it's only fair to make sure). Try to make sure he gives you the help you need, especially when your DS is ill, and doesn't make you anxious about waking him!

Chasingaftermidnight · 18/02/2022 13:31

I've even done cry it out with him.. people are jumping to conclusions that I never leave him alone etc. He's 2 years old. I've been back at work since he was 8 months old and had nannies and grannies helping look after him.

Normally on MN, this would get you lynched. But it seems it’s better than asking a hallowed sacred penis bearer to put his needs on hold for 2 minutes.

WetLookKnitwear · 18/02/2022 13:37

I know exactly what you mean op.

Original poster

justhowuseless · 18/02/2022 13:40

@Chasingaftermidnight

I've even done cry it out with him.. people are jumping to conclusions that I never leave him alone etc. He's 2 years old. I've been back at work since he was 8 months old and had nannies and grannies helping look after him.

Normally on MN, this would get you lynched. But it seems it’s better than asking a hallowed sacred penis bearer to put his needs on hold for 2 minutes.

I know. I don't like doing it. But I've done it at times and he's not been a terrible sleeper at all.

It's just with the recurring illness cycle, I'm not quite sure what to do when it comes to night wakings. It changes things up quite a bit. Surely you can't leave a child you suspect is not feeling well to just cry.

OP posts:

deeplyrooted · 18/02/2022 14:06

I relate to so much of what you’ve described OP. We could be twins - different issues but so similar in our reactions.

It’s very, very hard to get back to normal reactions when you’ve been through a trauma with a baby. Like your brain just doesn’t have enough data to provide counterbalance so you default to danger mode.

I had acute post natal anxiety but the gp/midwives/HV only screened for depression. Do you think this might be the case with you?

My dm was a godsend because she took me seriously, she followed my instructions. She understood that I couldn’t relax unless I felt ds was in good hands so she did whatever I asked of her without quibbling. And because she did I was able to hear her advice and concerns without being defensive.

Dh telling me I was being unreasonable but not stepping up to help, or being a competent parent only exacerbated my anxiety. He has grown into a superb df over the years but the baby stage nearly broke us.

I read your op and wanted to reach through the screen and give your dh a slap. Ffs a grown man should be able to hold it for two mins. And presumably he’s aware of the advice you were given in the hospital. How can he see his heavily pregnant wife and baby in distress and not want to do everything in his power to alleviate it?

ChargingBuck · 18/02/2022 14:10

Husband obviously never gets up for any of it and I also don't wake him up.

Why "obviously", & why do you not wake him?

MonicaGellerBing · 18/02/2022 14:14

How are you going to lie with your son for hours on end when you also have a newborn. Why get pregnant again when your son is such hard work through the night. Bat shit

Dishwashersaurous · 18/02/2022 14:16

Like others I just don't understand why he didn't get up and help. And if he was asleep why didn't you yell at him to get up and get the milk?

He obviously knows that the child is ill, and has a history of croup.

And that very soon that there will be two planned children, and therefore you will be both be busy in thr night with children

stimpyyouidiot · 18/02/2022 14:28

This came up on my feed earlier which is apt

Would you also be fuming or am I being unkind ?

stimpyyouidiot · 18/02/2022 14:29

Continued

QueenCamilla · 18/02/2022 14:31

EVERYTHING is batshit here. Just reading it gives me anxiety.

The ridiculous reliance on calpol (a bit of paracetamol ) is so daft that I don't even know where to start (but then I'm not British so this cultural phenomenon goes over my head). Child crying and screaming "in pain" needs a doctor. What pain? Why? Terribly sickly child needs a doctor too, not a bloody strawberry flavoured syrup.

A high fever may need to be brought down for some relief and respite ( for everyone involved ) but other than that... You all sound mad to me.

Child sounds anxious like the mother or seriously ill and not getting any professional help. Husband should get involved to sort out the madness (doctors or sleep-training) but sounds equally clueless. Oh well... Can't see anything getting better here tbh! 🤷‍♂️

IWishIWasABaller · 18/02/2022 14:35

Hi op I'm sorry you are having a hard time but just wanted to say I see the exact same pattern with your son that we had with three of ours. Endless croup which ended in ambulance to a&e several times, the trying to keep them calm as it would get worse and the anxiousness of trying to lie quiet to make them sleep. What sorted it was tonsil and adnoid removal . It changed their and our lives almost immediately. I would definitely look at getting it done it really saved us. Also while we waited for the operation our doctor gave us a soluble steroid ( it begins with p , will check the correct name now ) and as soon as croup symptoms started these sorted and stopped an attack within 20 minutes.

TheOccupier · 18/02/2022 14:37

You really don't need to warm milk, especially not for a 2yo. Bring the bottle of milk and the calpol up at bedtime and have them on the bedside table.

Original poster

justhowuseless · 18/02/2022 14:39

@QueenCamilla

EVERYTHING is batshit here. Just reading it gives me anxiety.

The ridiculous reliance on calpol (a bit of paracetamol ) is so daft that I don't even know where to start (but then I'm not British so this cultural phenomenon goes over my head). Child crying and screaming "in pain" needs a doctor. What pain? Why? Terribly sickly child needs a doctor too, not a bloody strawberry flavoured syrup.

A high fever may need to be brought down for some relief and respite ( for everyone involved ) but other than that... You all sound mad to me.

Child sounds anxious like the mother or seriously ill and not getting any professional help. Husband should get involved to sort out the madness (doctors or sleep-training) but sounds equally clueless. Oh well... Can't see anything getting better here tbh! 🤷‍♂️

Feeling good about yourself now ?

OP posts:

Original poster

justhowuseless · 18/02/2022 14:40

@IWishIWasABaller

Hi op I'm sorry you are having a hard time but just wanted to say I see the exact same pattern with your son that we had with three of ours. Endless croup which ended in ambulance to a&e several times, the trying to keep them calm as it would get worse and the anxiousness of trying to lie quiet to make them sleep. What sorted it was tonsil and adnoid removal . It changed their and our lives almost immediately. I would definitely look at getting it done it really saved us. Also while we waited for the operation our doctor gave us a soluble steroid ( it begins with p , will check the correct name now ) and as soon as croup symptoms started these sorted and stopped an attack within 20 minutes.

Thanks for this. I'll continue to push to investigate !

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 18/02/2022 14:40

@TheOccupier

You really don't need to warm milk, especially not for a 2yo. Bring the bottle of milk and the calpol up at bedtime and have them on the bedside table.

I'm not quite sure what to do when it comes to night wakings

GET YOUR PARTNER TO HELP.

EVEN IF HE'S NOT THE BOYS DAD, SURELY HE ACCEPTS TAKING YOU ON MEANS BOTH OF YOU AND ALL THAT COMES WITH IT

Original poster

justhowuseless · 18/02/2022 14:40

@TheOccupier

You really don't need to warm milk, especially not for a 2yo. Bring the bottle of milk and the calpol up at bedtime and have them on the bedside table.

I just like to give it at room temp. I barely warm it. I just don't like giving it nice cold from the fridge.

OP posts:

Original poster

justhowuseless · 18/02/2022 14:41

@SleepingStandingUp he's the boys dad..

OP posts:

Original poster

justhowuseless · 18/02/2022 14:43

@QueenCamilla

EVERYTHING is batshit here. Just reading it gives me anxiety.

The ridiculous reliance on calpol (a bit of paracetamol ) is so daft that I don't even know where to start (but then I'm not British so this cultural phenomenon goes over my head). Child crying and screaming "in pain" needs a doctor. What pain? Why? Terribly sickly child needs a doctor too, not a bloody strawberry flavoured syrup.

A high fever may need to be brought down for some relief and respite ( for everyone involved ) but other than that... You all sound mad to me.

Child sounds anxious like the mother or seriously ill and not getting any professional help. Husband should get involved to sort out the madness (doctors or sleep-training) but sounds equally clueless. Oh well... Can't see anything getting better here tbh! 🤷‍♂️

Ok then, good luck running to the doctor every time your child seems to be in pain..

I don't overly rely on Calpol at all either, thanks very much. I only give it as a last resort. Why don't you crawl back under your rock, you nasty person.

OP posts:

CorneliusVetch · 18/02/2022 14:44

@QueenCamilla

EVERYTHING is batshit here. Just reading it gives me anxiety.

The ridiculous reliance on calpol (a bit of paracetamol ) is so daft that I don't even know where to start (but then I'm not British so this cultural phenomenon goes over my head). Child crying and screaming "in pain" needs a doctor. What pain? Why? Terribly sickly child needs a doctor too, not a bloody strawberry flavoured syrup.

A high fever may need to be brought down for some relief and respite ( for everyone involved ) but other than that... You all sound mad to me.

Child sounds anxious like the mother or seriously ill and not getting any professional help. Husband should get involved to sort out the madness (doctors or sleep-training) but sounds equally clueless. Oh well... Can't see anything getting better here tbh! 🤷‍♂️

Lol I assume you’re not a doctor given that medical “advice”.

girlmom21 · 18/02/2022 14:47

Child crying and screaming "in pain" needs a doctor. What pain? Why? Terribly sickly child needs a doctor too, not a bloody strawberry flavoured syrup.

Do you take your child to the doctor when they are teething or have a tummy bug?

When babies have their immunisations the nurse specifically tells you to give your child calpol.

How do you think a doctor will treat a child who needs some pain relief?

IWishIWasABaller · 18/02/2022 14:51

Prednisolone is the name op , if you ask your doctor they will give you some. As I said it stops a croup attack in it's tracks especially if given when symptoms start ( I'm sure you probably know the signs by heart now )

Original poster

justhowuseless · 18/02/2022 14:52

@IWishIWasABaller

Prednisolone is the name op , if you ask your doctor they will give you some. As I said it stops a croup attack in it's tracks especially if given when symptoms start ( I'm sure you probably know the signs by heart now )

They said they won't give me any until he actually has stridor !!

how annoying is that ??

OP posts:

Susu49 · 18/02/2022 15:00

So I read all your posts before voting and think its makes a difference as theres some important background you dont mention at first...YNBU. I think you have a DH problem.

How is your marriage otherwise? Do you feel supported by him when it's not about your child crying?

The moods he gets into when you have to go to A&E aren't a good sign in my book.