Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with my OH who never bothers testing DSC

317 replies

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 16:31

A few months after I'd just got out of hospital with my baby we were exposed to covid because OH nor his ex bothered to test DSC after DSC1 was identified as a close contact. DSC1 was eventually tested at my behest and was positive but luckily we managed to evade getting it. The other DSC remained negative too.

I was quite cross with OH and his ex about it, understandably I think, but all was fine in the end.

I told OH from then onwards if any of DSC had covid symptoms or are identified as a close contact he must test them before they come in. He agreed. I said I would be adopting the same rule with our DC, so if ours had any covid symptoms or were a close contact I would test them before exposing DSC as it's only fair.

Fast forward to now DSC have just arrived and 2 of the 3 have a hacking cough, the only one who isn't ill is the one who tested positive for covid at the end of last year.

The first I know about it is when they come in and within 5 minutes one is coughing and says he's been "seriously" unwell since Monday.

OH claims it's the first he's heard about it Hmm

Now I know many people aren't bothered about covid anymore and the rules are set to change etc but it's something that still bothers me as I am vulnerable and the vaccines don't offer complete protection.

We don't have any tests left over so will now need to get some for my peace of mind.

AIBU to be upset with OH?

OP posts:
BadNomad · 18/02/2022 08:04

Headbutts wall

It's not cool to be concerned about Covid anymore. You should have changed it to measles or something. "AIBU to not want people with suspected around me and my new baby?"

GirlInACountrySong · 18/02/2022 08:09

You knew the kids would be coming regularly

You are worried about covid

So WHY had you not got a stock of tests?

eternalopt · 18/02/2022 08:14

YANBU. despite all the "we must get back to normal" posts, what's the harm in knowing whether it's a cold or covid so you can take some extra precautions? Don't understand people black or white approach. Seen a lot of "when self isolation ends, there's no need to test anymore" posts, but even if I don't have to self isolate, I'd still want to test and know so I can avoid elderly relatives and be a bit more cautious. The disregard for the vulnerable is depressing.

lucylucyapplejuicy · 18/02/2022 08:16

What will you do next month when testing ends and LFTs aren't available for free?

GirlInACountrySong · 18/02/2022 08:22

@lucylucyapplejuicy

What will you do next month when testing ends and LFTs aren't available for free?
Pi think most people are pre emoting this and are stocked up before they are difficult to find again
BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 08:28

I'm not @GirlInACountrySong I'm leaving them for people that actually need them now! I presume these are the same people who had 100 loo rolls stocked up at the beginning of the pandemic?

Cognoscenti · 18/02/2022 08:43

Oh OP, I see you've become a test stockpiler with health anxiety who's only with her husband for help with the baby (as if he should be helping with childcare, how dare you!).
Ignore the vitriolic posts, 99% will be due to you being a step-parent. It's a reasonable thing to ask, you were never going to stop the DSC visiting, plus importantly - he agreed to it then didn't bother.
Also as someone who has struggled a lot with actual, diagnosed health anxiety and is only just learning to cope with it (I hope), rest assured that the accusations thrown at you are quite galling to those who genuinely have it and make light of what is a serious condition.

SartresSoul · 18/02/2022 08:47

How are you going to cope when isolation and free testing ends soon? I do worry for covid anxious people like you, my Gran is the same. We’re two years in now and it’s reached endemic state because we’re all vaccinated or have natural immunity (or both like I do) so it’s something we just have to live with now.

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 08:59

@Cognoscenti

Oh OP, I see you've become a test stockpiler with health anxiety who's only with her husband for help with the baby (as if he should be helping with childcare, how dare you!). Ignore the vitriolic posts, 99% will be due to you being a step-parent. It's a reasonable thing to ask, you were never going to stop the DSC visiting, plus importantly - he agreed to it then didn't bother. Also as someone who has struggled a lot with actual, diagnosed health anxiety and is only just learning to cope with it (I hope), rest assured that the accusations thrown at you are quite galling to those who genuinely have it and make light of what is a serious condition.
It's really not that serious now!
BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 09:27

@Cognoscenti

Oh OP, I see you've become a test stockpiler with health anxiety who's only with her husband for help with the baby (as if he should be helping with childcare, how dare you!). Ignore the vitriolic posts, 99% will be due to you being a step-parent. It's a reasonable thing to ask, you were never going to stop the DSC visiting, plus importantly - he agreed to it then didn't bother. Also as someone who has struggled a lot with actual, diagnosed health anxiety and is only just learning to cope with it (I hope), rest assured that the accusations thrown at you are quite galling to those who genuinely have it and make light of what is a serious condition.
And as OP has pointed out, he is not her husband.
Popable · 18/02/2022 09:30

And as OP has pointed out, he is not her husband.

No he's a boyfriend who moved in her house, that she is paying for and is in her name and then refuses to abide by her boundaries and rules. Whether you think those rules are reasonable or not is irrelevant really. It's her house.

Popable · 18/02/2022 09:31

Would you move in with a friend or relative and then refuse to abide by their rules? Do you think that's reasonable?

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 09:43

@Popable

And as OP has pointed out, he is not her husband.

No he's a boyfriend who moved in her house, that she is paying for and is in her name and then refuses to abide by her boundaries and rules. Whether you think those rules are reasonable or not is irrelevant really. It's her house.

Of course, that's the way to win every argument, my house my rules so if you don't like it leave. So she can be as unreasonable as she likes.

I can't think why the relationship is failing with that attitude!

Popable · 18/02/2022 09:48

@BABAHOTEL yes and the only reasonable alternative to that is to first agree to it, then completely ignore the person who's house you're living in and do what they've asked you not to.

Popable · 18/02/2022 09:49

And yes really. It is her house her rules and if he feels she's not being reasonable, he's free to leave and pay for his own house.

Would you like someone moving in with their kids and then ignoring what you feel is a perfectly reasonable rule / boundary you have around your own children and your home?

Just because YOU think OP is being unreasonable doesn't really mean anything. She doesn't think she is and she's entitled to set reasonable (to her) rules about her own house and expect them to be followed or at least discussed not just ignored.

Original poster
ShiroMiso · 18/02/2022 09:52

@GirlInACountrySong

You knew the kids would be coming regularly

You are worried about covid

So WHY had you not got a stock of tests?

I have now, collected from the chemist first thing this morning.

We'd ran out before they were due to come and I stupidly believed OH would get some himself if he picked them up with hacking cough.

My question is why didn't his ex have tests or test them? Especially when 1 of the 3 (coincidentally the only one who isn't ill this time) tested positive just before Christmas.

Oh by the way, she thought nothing of taking a covid positive kid on trains to another city just because she didn't want covid fucking up her Christmas plans. That's the level of stupidity I'm up against.

Secondly to that, why didn't OH keep his word?

I'm not in the wrong here.

OP posts:
Tallulahh3 · 18/02/2022 10:11

YANBU OP. If your husband agreed to the testing then it really should be his responsibility when they have symptoms. I would not be happy in your situation.

My DP’s ex has a scarily relaxed approach to Covid (house parties when at peak and in Tier 4 and openly meeting many people during total lockdowns) and my DP luckily took full responsibility for checking the kids before they entered our house - they would’ve have still visited but we had back up plans for me staying elsewhere as I’m clinically vulnerable. At one point last year I had to stay elsewhere for short periods as she was taking so many risks which was awful for us but we decided together it was the only safe option.

I’m in third trimester of pregnancy now so I’ve had to stock up on LFT’s for visits s d stays when baby comes. I hate being a bl**dy stockpiller but simply feel I need to make sure I can protect my baby when the other parties involved aren’t considerate of the risks. My DP is luckily supportive of this and has even sent LFT packs home with the kids when their Mum has claimed she can’t order them. Time for DP to step up here OP!

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 10:19

[quote Popable]@BABAHOTEL yes and the only reasonable alternative to that is to first agree to it, then completely ignore the person who's house you're living in and do what they've asked you not to.[/quote]
Things change with time. Like anxiety around covid?

Two weeks and this is an irrelevance anyway.

Popable · 18/02/2022 10:21

Two weeks and this is an irrelevance anyway

Well no... It's not irrelevant in two weeks. Because again, OP can say she doesn't want sick children in her house. You and her boyfriend don't need to think that's reasonable of course, but it's her right, in the home she is paying for, to decide that. He doesn't get to just ignore her.

Popable · 18/02/2022 10:22

Things change with time

And what's not changed, is who the house actually belongs to.

As I said, would you move in with a relative and then ignore their rules? It doesn't matter whether you think it's an unreasonable rule. It's OPs house.

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 10:37

@Popable

Two weeks and this is an irrelevance anyway

Well no... It's not irrelevant in two weeks. Because again, OP can say she doesn't want sick children in her house. You and her boyfriend don't need to think that's reasonable of course, but it's her right, in the home she is paying for, to decide that. He doesn't get to just ignore her.

Yes every good relationship is built on "this is my home", follow my every rule or get out.
BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 10:38

@Popable

Things change with time

And what's not changed, is who the house actually belongs to.

As I said, would you move in with a relative and then ignore their rules? It doesn't matter whether you think it's an unreasonable rule. It's OPs house.

Does the house belong to the OP, you should've mentioned it, I'm not sure I realised!
Popable · 18/02/2022 10:38

Yes every good relationship is built on "this is my home", follow my every rule or get out.

Sigh... Again this just brings me back to... The alternative to that isn't him just ignoring her and doing it anyway.

Popable · 18/02/2022 10:39

Does the house belong to the OP, you should've mentioned it, I'm not sure I realised!

Well evidently you think it doesn't count for shit and he should just get to do whatever he wants.

Noticed you've not answered my question again.

BABAHOTEL · 18/02/2022 10:40

@Popable

Does the house belong to the OP, you should've mentioned it, I'm not sure I realised!

Well evidently you think it doesn't count for shit and he should just get to do whatever he wants.

Noticed you've not answered my question again.

Which question again?