Page 2 | Annoyed with my OH who never bothers testing DSC

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:04

@shouldistop

Would you stop your children from coming home if they had a cough? It's not a moot point or are you saying it's not your step children's home?

What I would do is test them, as people should do.

OP posts:

shouldistop · 17/02/2022 17:04

That's irrelevant because they live here full time.

It's not irrelevant. They are your husbands children as much as your 3mo baby is.

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:06

@FairyCakeWings

Fair enough. It is fair for you to expect your OH to tell you that the children had symptoms as soon as he knew. I’m not sure that it’s fair for you to force them to test just because I know a lot of children that hate it and it has no benefit to them.

Did your OH know earlier in the week that they weren’t well so you could have had time to make a plan to stay elsewhere? If he knew they were ill and didn’t tell you, then I can understand why you’re upset.

Thank you for seeing my POV

He said he didn't know anything about it but I'm not convinced, I mean the cough is blatant and his ex must have mentioned it.

I don't want to discuss it with him whilst they're here as I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable but I'll be having words when they've gone back to their mum's.

OP posts:

shouldistop · 17/02/2022 17:06

You said in your op he must test them before he comes in which indicates they wouldn't be allowed in with a positive test. A pcr test can take days too (lft shouldn't be used for symptomatic testing).
Would you isolate your own children in their rooms if they had Covid?
Your husbands children aren't optional.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 17/02/2022 17:07

YABU what are you going to do if they do test positive? Ban them from the house O_o

HiCandles · 17/02/2022 17:08

Don't understand some of these answers at all- unless I'm much mistaken the rules haven't changed yet. Kids coughing should have been PCR tested when the coughs started ie Monday then you'd know by now whether it is Covid. I'd be fuming OP. Stepchildren or not nobody should leave the place they are especially not their own mother's home until proven Covid negative.
No wonder it's taking so long for this pandemic when apparently most people are casually spreading potential Covid about. Some of us have lost relatives or have very vulnerable relatives and people are playing fast and loose with their lives

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:09

@shouldistop

That's irrelevant because they live here full time.

It's not irrelevant. They are your husbands children as much as your 3mo baby is.

This is my children's only residence. If they had two residence' like DSC then they would be expected to stay where they currently were if they had covid.

They would be tested regardless.

If we were separated and OH lived with other children I would have no issue with him asking me to test ours, or him testing ours, before going between households if they have symptoms.

I only expect a test to be done as the government suggests is the case when somebody has symptoms.

I'm not suggesting they be yeeted off into outer space to orbit the sun until the cough dissapears.

OP posts:

shouldistop · 17/02/2022 17:11

You'd really have your small child away from you for possibly 10 days?

Well each to their own but that's fairly unusual.

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:12

@LivingDeadGirlUK

YABU what are you going to do if they do test positive? Ban them from the house O_o

Well in an ideal world they would stay at their mothers if they test positive for covid.

However given that first families must always come first and DSC must have their chicken nuggets at dads even if that means giving a potentially deadly virus to a vulnerable woman and newborn baby.. I would likely go to my DM's with my DC to minimise the risk to us that way.

OP posts:

Itsnottheendoftheworldisit · 17/02/2022 17:15

So It’s fine for the step kids to give your baby covid? Because your kids don’t matter? Bet his ex wouldn’t want them to go round if you were all poorly! But it’s ok for her to send her sick kids?
I agree with you. Do what’s best for your children because I can assure you his ex won’t give a damn about your kids. She’s Already proven this by sending her poorly kids round.

ChiselandBits · 17/02/2022 17:16

what are you going to do in a few weeks / months time when testing is not possible? It may not be your step kids' PERMANENT home but it is their home just as much as it is yours and your childrens' and your DH's actually. There is vanishingly small evidence of covid being harmful to young babies or vaxxed people even with CV or ECV and there has to be balance between those potential risks and the very real situation of the relationship between your DH and his children. Don't make him choose.

mummykel16 · 17/02/2022 17:16

@ShiroMiso

A few months after I'd just got out of hospital with my baby we were exposed to covid because OH nor his ex bothered to test DSC after DSC1 was identified as a close contact. DSC1 was eventually tested at my behest and was positive but luckily we managed to evade getting it. The other DSC remained negative too.

I was quite cross with OH and his ex about it, understandably I think, but all was fine in the end.

I told OH from then onwards if any of DSC had covid symptoms or are identified as a close contact he must test them before they come in. He agreed. I said I would be adopting the same rule with our DC, so if ours had any covid symptoms or were a close contact I would test them before exposing DSC as it's only fair.

Fast forward to now DSC have just arrived and 2 of the 3 have a hacking cough, the only one who isn't ill is the one who tested positive for covid at the end of last year.

The first I know about it is when they come in and within 5 minutes one is coughing and says he's been "seriously" unwell since Monday.

OH claims it's the first he's heard about it

Now I know many people aren't bothered about covid anymore and the rules are set to change etc but it's something that still bothers me as I am vulnerable and the vaccines don't offer complete protection.

We don't have any tests left over so will now need to get some for my peace of mind.

AIBU to be upset with OH?

Yanbu, we all have worries and concerns nothing at all wrong with that. It's a strange time having gone thru the worst of it, even if it's just a bad cough. I don't see a point spreading it about let alone covid.

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:17

@Itsnottheendoftheworldisit

So It’s fine for the step kids to give your baby covid? Because your kids don’t matter? Bet his ex wouldn’t want them to go round if you were all poorly! But it’s ok for her to send her sick kids? I agree with you. Do what’s best for your children because I can assure you his ex won’t give a damn about your kids. She’s Already proven this by sending her poorly kids round.

Thank you!

She was told to test them after being exposed last time, she didn't bother and OH didn't urge her to (or bother to himself)

I only discovered one was positive after insisting he test them when they came. Exposure that could have been avoided.

Neither of them give a shit about spreading covid.

She's an anti vaxxer / covid denier and he's just careless about it.

OP posts:

ChiselandBits · 17/02/2022 17:18

oh and its not "first families come first" but childrens' needs should come before a partner's ideal preferences. Their need to have normal contact with their dad, which you have rather tellingly downgraded to "having chicken nuggets" in one house or another actually SHOULD take precedence and the "potentially deadly virus" rhetoric is, I think somewhat overblown at this point.

HelloPanda12 · 17/02/2022 17:19

YANBU OP, I would be pissed off as well. I’m 8 months pregnant and a lot of my friends and family seem to think I’ve gone bonkers over covid but I’ve already had the flu in December and I was an absolute mess with it, really don’t want COVID to top it all off. Most of my family are understanding and respectful, it’s my DP’s mother who is the liability, will come over unannounced with a raging cough and then low and behold she’s positive the next day. It’s selfish in our situations OP and I think because so many people don’t have things like this to worry about when it comes to COVID they think we’re being precious and OTT when we’re actually just trying to stop ourselves being bloody hospitalised.

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:22

It may not be your step kids' PERMANENT home but it is their home just as much as it is yours and your childrens' and your DH's actually

It's my house, in my name and I pay the rent.

You might be alarmed by the "Me/Mine" attitude but as is usually the case in relationships where the woman feels disrespected, this isn't an isolated incident and there's a history of me being steamrolled over and disregarded.

So, respectfully, I'm going to say that no this isn't their home because in all likelihood we won't be together in the near future and I'm not happy about being put at risk for a relationship that is already on the rocks.

The vaccines as effective as they are didn't prevent one of my loved ones losing their life despite being fully vaccinated.

Sure covid might not be serious for babies in most cases but who in their right mind wants their baby to get covid on that basis?

You never know how it's going to affect somebody.

OP posts:

Lorw · 17/02/2022 17:23

YANBU. DH ex sent my SC who tested positive (didn’t tell us till after we took them back), I’d just had a baby (she was 2 weeks old) both me and baby ended up with COVID and both of us were really unwell, looking after an ill baby while having COVID is actually hell on earth.

I wish she had told us so I could have gone to my mums or MILs for a few weeks to avoid us getting it.

shouldistop · 17/02/2022 17:24

DSC must have their chicken nuggets at dad

The way you talk about the kids contact time with their dad is quite telling tbh.

mummykel16 · 17/02/2022 17:24

@Itsnottheendoftheworldisit

So It’s fine for the step kids to give your baby covid? Because your kids don’t matter? Bet his ex wouldn’t want them to go round if you were all poorly! But it’s ok for her to send her sick kids? I agree with you. Do what’s best for your children because I can assure you his ex won’t give a damn about your kids. She’s Already proven this by sending her poorly kids round.

This

Icantgetalifeifmyheartsnotinit · 17/02/2022 17:25

Yeah it's best you separate so that they one day have a "second" home they feel comfortable in.

YABU.

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:27

@Lorw

YANBU. DH ex sent my SC who tested positive (didn’t tell us till after we took them back), I’d just had a baby (she was 2 weeks old) both me and baby ended up with COVID and both of us were really unwell, looking after an ill baby while having COVID is actually hell on earth.

I wish she had told us so I could have gone to my mums or MILs for a few weeks to avoid us getting it.

I'm so sorry you both went through that

Fucking selfish is what it is.

My baby was 2 weeks old when they came here with covid and I was worried sick.

I hope you both made a full recovery with no lasting issues?

OP posts:

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:28

@Icantgetalifeifmyheartsnotinit

Yeah it's best you separate so that they one day have a "second"

home they feel comfortable in.

YABU.

They feel perfectly comfortable here thanks, I manage not to express my dissatisfaction with their dad in their presence.

I agree though it's best we do split so he can find somebody who is as nonchalant as he is about his kids health.

OP posts:

HelloPanda12 · 17/02/2022 17:30

Fuck me you’re all wound up tight aren’t you. The woman doesn’t want to get seriously ill on account of these kids “parents” not giving enough of a shit to test kids who are coughing and spluttering all over her house. She’s just had a little baby for christ sake, her medical vulnerability and her child in her own damn house takes priority over the step children coming over when sick and covid positive because two grown ass adults can’t be bothered to test their sick kids.

FairyCakeWings · 17/02/2022 17:31

oh and its not "first families come first" but childrens' needs should come before a partner's ideal preferences.

This

HiCandles · 17/02/2022 17:31

@Lorw

YANBU. DH ex sent my SC who tested positive (didn’t tell us till after we took them back), I’d just had a baby (she was 2 weeks old) both me and baby ended up with COVID and both of us were really unwell, looking after an ill baby while having COVID is actually hell on earth.

I wish she had told us so I could have gone to my mums or MILs for a few weeks to avoid us getting it.

That is shocking, how can people be so selfish. This pandemic has really shown people's 'I'm alright Jack and fuck everyone else' attitude. Had similar in my own family unfortunately. I hope you are both well now.