Page 11 | Annoyed with my OH who never bothers testing DSC

ShiroMiso · 2022-02-17T16:31:12+00:00

A few months after I'd just got out of hospital with my baby we were exposed to covid because OH nor his ex bothered to test DSC after DSC1 was identified as a close contact. DSC1 was eventually tested at my behest and was positive but luckily we managed to evade getting it. The other DSC remained negative too. I was quite cross with OH and his ex about it, understandably I think, but all was fine in the end. I told OH from then onwards if any of DSC had covid symptoms or are identified as a close contact he must test them before they come in. He agreed. I said I would be adopting the same rule with our DC, so if ours had any covid symptoms or were a close contact I would test them before exposing DSC as it's only fair. Fast forward to now DSC have just arrived and 2 of the 3 have a hacking cough, the only one who isn't ill is the one who tested positive for covid at the end of last year. The first I know about it is when they come in and within 5 minutes one is coughing and says he's been "seriously" unwell since Monday. OH claims it's the first he's heard about it [hmm] Now I know many people aren't bothered about covid anymore and the rules are set to change etc but it's something that still bothers me as I am vulnerable and the vaccines don't offer complete protection. We don't have any tests left over so will now need to get some for my peace of mind. AIBU to be upset with OH?

AskingforaBaskin · 18/02/2022 17:29

The pandemic is coming to a close. But that doesn't mean OP can't be concerned (which is not Anxiety!) about her unvaccinated infant baby.

This was not just because they were visiting. It was because one child had very clear covid symptoms and was so sick they didn't even want to be there!

Alliswells · 18/02/2022 17:50

@ShiroMiso

As nobody gives a shit about me and my kids, what about my elderly mother and her husband? Should DSC visiting here trump their health aswell?

I'm expected (and happy) to test my kids when they're going to grandma's, it's not a big deal.

Does your mum and her husband live with you?

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 18/02/2022 18:23

Does your mum and her husband live with you?

My mum is here more often than DSC are, so by MN logic it's her home too

OP posts:

callmebymyname1 · 18/02/2022 21:10

No it’s definitely not your mother’s house but it is your DSC’s house when they’re unfortunate enough to have to encounter you.

AskingforaBaskin · 18/02/2022 21:19

@callmebymyname1

No it’s definitely not your mother’s house but it is your DSC’s house when they’re unfortunate enough to have to encounter you.

OP has explained in detail that it is not DSCs house but solely hers. They are visiting with their father.

QueenofDestruction · 18/02/2022 21:31

@callmebymyname1

No it’s definitely not your mother’s house but it is your DSC’s house when they’re unfortunate enough to have to encounter you.

Gosh, is it attack Stepmother day. She is not married to their father and it is her house she pays for. What is it with some people , learning to live with Covid is not ignoring precautions.

NothingIsCertain · 18/02/2022 21:42

My children must have had 15 pcr tests between them for coughs, all negative. The one positive pcr was completely asymptomatic and only tested as the class reached the threshold of positive cases to trigger the local authority to request mass testing...the rest of the household tested daily and remained negative.

I think we need to get out of mindset that a cough/temperature is covid, when they are no longer the most common symptoms, and appear to not present at any point during a lot of covid illnesses, we also need to remember that other illnesses still do exist.

I understand your worries, but would you have turned the children away for a cough 3 years ago?

Revengenda · 18/02/2022 22:14

@callmebymyname1

No it’s definitely not your mother’s house but it is your DSC’s house when they’re unfortunate enough to have to encounter you.

It's literally not their house though? Nor is it their dad's.

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 18/02/2022 22:47

No it’s definitely not your mother’s house but it is your DSC’s house when they’re unfortunate enough to have to encounter you.

How is it their house when their father has no claim to it and they only visit once a week for tea and stay over on the odd occasion during the holidays. Jesus Christ. It's my house 😂

I understand your worries, but would you have turned the children away for a cough 3 years ago?

No I wouldn't have, and I wasn't going to turn them away yesterday. I would've kindly gone to my DM's and allowed OH the house to himself for his contact.

This is after them already exposing me and my newborn to covid at 2 weeks PP, purposefully IMO, whilst i was recovering from a complicated cesarian, on antibiotics for an infection and going back and forth to the hospital because my tiny baby had jaundice.

Despite all of that, the idiots still felt it appropriate to burden me with the additional stress of covid exposure because they couldn't be arsed to test a child who'd been told to isolate because he likely had covid.

During that same month they sent/brought them here with infectious D&V, resulting in my oldest child getting so poorly he shit all over my brand new rug.

I'm glad I posted this thread because as I've read back over everything it's just reaffirmed to me the fact that I owe them absolutely fuck all so from here on out he can forget about having his contact here and has been told in no uncertain terms I want him out.

I'm sick of the lot of them, probably literally now aswell.

OP posts:

AskingforaBaskin · 18/02/2022 22:50

Good! Honestly it sounds like you'd be better off without him!

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 18/02/2022 23:13

@AskingforaBaskin

Good! Honestly it sounds like you'd be better off without him!

I certainly will. I've let him stay under some misguided assumption on my part that I needed him to be here to support me with the baby, and believe it or not also for DSC sake.

I won't go into all of that but let's just say I was the only adult in their life that was actively trying to protect them over the past two years.

I'm done.

Thanks MNers

OP posts:

expensiveshite · 18/02/2022 23:14

I haven't been in mumsnet recently and don't live in the UK, but the change in attitude on here since Christmas is astounding. Boris really is playing a blinder.

I've heard people say that when we get back to normal, the vulnerable will just have to adjust their lives to protect themselves. And yet here is someone who says their vulnerable, and has asked that symptomatic visitors do a test before coming and she's being repeatedly accused of having health anxiety, despite people not knowing her medical history.

OP, you should write the post again, but make it your MIL that comes to stay for the weekend... I bet that would be a different story!

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 18/02/2022 23:41

@expensiveshite

I haven't been in mumsnet recently and don't live in the UK, but the change in attitude on here since Christmas is astounding. Boris really is playing a blinder.

I've heard people say that when we get back to normal, the vulnerable will just have to adjust their lives to protect themselves. And yet here is someone who says their vulnerable, and has asked that symptomatic visitors do a test before coming and she's being repeatedly accused of having health anxiety, despite people not knowing her medical history.

OP, you should write the post again, but make it your MIL that comes to stay for the weekend... I bet that would be a different story!

I considered doing a NC and changing DSC to nieces/nephews or friends kids just to then link back here and highlight the hypocrisy and double standard

I agree RE Boris, hasn't he just!

OP posts:

ScarlettSunset · 19/02/2022 07:40

OP, I am pleased you've told this man who has do little respect for you, to leave.
Good luck for the future.

user1471447863 · 19/02/2022 12:37

I'm beginning to wonder how many people have actually been testing themselves and their children this past year or 2. I keep seeing statements like: "put through uncomfortable, intrusive and unnecessary testing"
Are these people doing some different kind of test from the rest of us? It's sticking an oversized cotton bud up your nose for 10 seconds - the place kids half their finger stuck for half the day.
It's not exactly a thrill to do but it's not exactly any hardship either.
YANBU - anybody with a modicum of common decency would automatically test their kids before sending them off to stay in someone else's house (and I'd expect the receiving household to have done the same) - symptomatic or not.

hellithurt · 19/02/2022 12:44

@user1471447863

I'm beginning to wonder how many people have actually been testing themselves and their children this past year or 2. I keep seeing statements like: "put through uncomfortable, intrusive and unnecessary testing" Are these people doing some different kind of test from the rest of us? It's sticking an oversized cotton bud up your nose for 10 seconds - the place kids half their finger stuck for half the day. It's not exactly a thrill to do but it's not exactly any hardship either. YANBU - anybody with a modicum of common decency would automatically test their kids before sending them off to stay in someone else's house (and I'd expect the receiving household to have done the same) - symptomatic or not.

Well OP hadn't tested, she had no tests! I've not got young children but a friend certainly can't test her sox year, he becomes hysterical.

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 19/02/2022 14:02

Well OP hadn't tested, she had no tests! I've not got young children but a friend certainly can't test her sox year, he becomes hysterical

DSC don't mind the tests, it's their parents that make it an issue.

OP posts:

hellithurt · 19/02/2022 14:08

@ShiroMiso

Well OP hadn't tested, she had no tests! I've not got young children but a friend certainly can't test her sox year, he becomes hysterical

DSC don't mind the tests, it's their parents that make it an issue.

If your OH has never tested them how are you aware of that?

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 19/02/2022 14:18

If your OH has never tested them how are you aware of that?

He has begrudgingly tested them once at my request, that's how I found out DSS was positive at the end of last year.

That came after he'd brought them here sick countless times previous and refused to test them.

After the positive result he then agreed he'd test in future when necessary as only one of the three had it.

However he turned that one test into such a drama that it didn't need to be. He acted as though he was putting him through major surgery.

"Good boy, brave boy, it's ok mate, its ok, well done"

He went out of his way to make sure DSS knew it was me insisting he be tested so he could paint me as neurotic.

All of that while DSS stands there looking at OH like he's lost the plot, perfectly happy to take the test. He's almost at secondary school and was being treat like a toddler.

Low and behold he was positive. That soon shut him up.

Coincidentally OH has no issue with me testing our children, so I can only assume his reluctance with his is because his ex is an anti vaxxer / covid denier who will give him a headache for being a "sheep"

OP posts:

REignbow · 19/02/2022 14:41

No wonder you are so angry..! He is okay to test your shared DC but not his older children. He’s pathetic!

He (and his ex) are okay to risk infecting your dc with various illnesses. You are well rid @ShiroMiso

Nanny0gg · 19/02/2022 15:31

@Petsop

Haha you don’t like the answers do you?

Sorry, YABU

Why? Some agree with her

Original poster

ShiroMiso · 19/02/2022 16:59

Indeed! 50 percent of the poll says I'm not being unreasonable, thats 277 individuals plus a number of other posters who've commented to say the same.

If it was unanimous I'd be forced to rethink my position but I'm sufficiently reassured that I'm not completely unreasonable in this case.

OP posts:

mummykel16 · 19/02/2022 20:05