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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with my OH who never bothers testing DSC

317 replies

ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 16:31

A few months after I'd just got out of hospital with my baby we were exposed to covid because OH nor his ex bothered to test DSC after DSC1 was identified as a close contact. DSC1 was eventually tested at my behest and was positive but luckily we managed to evade getting it. The other DSC remained negative too.

I was quite cross with OH and his ex about it, understandably I think, but all was fine in the end.

I told OH from then onwards if any of DSC had covid symptoms or are identified as a close contact he must test them before they come in. He agreed. I said I would be adopting the same rule with our DC, so if ours had any covid symptoms or were a close contact I would test them before exposing DSC as it's only fair.

Fast forward to now DSC have just arrived and 2 of the 3 have a hacking cough, the only one who isn't ill is the one who tested positive for covid at the end of last year.

The first I know about it is when they come in and within 5 minutes one is coughing and says he's been "seriously" unwell since Monday.

OH claims it's the first he's heard about it Hmm

Now I know many people aren't bothered about covid anymore and the rules are set to change etc but it's something that still bothers me as I am vulnerable and the vaccines don't offer complete protection.

We don't have any tests left over so will now need to get some for my peace of mind.

AIBU to be upset with OH?

OP posts:
ChiselandBits · 17/02/2022 17:31

Wow. OK well your update about being on the verge of separating explains quite a lot about why you are so contemptuous and dismissive of the kids who soon will be a distant memory. Except that they will always be half siblings to your child (who I assume will never be fed a chicken nugget). Nasty attitude about the rent etc too. Has this all gone wrong very recently? Otherwise the obvious q is why do you have a 3 month old with someone you clearly dislike?

Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:33

@ChiselandBits

Wow. OK well your update about being on the verge of separating explains quite a lot about why you are so contemptuous and dismissive of the kids who soon will be a distant memory. Except that they will always be half siblings to your child (who I assume will never be fed a chicken nugget). Nasty attitude about the rent etc too. Has this all gone wrong very recently? Otherwise the obvious q is why do you have a 3 month old with someone you clearly dislike?
One of my kids lives on chicken nuggets so no judgement from me on that part Grin

Its not polite to ask somebody why they chose to have a child btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:34

@ChiselandBits

Wow. OK well your update about being on the verge of separating explains quite a lot about why you are so contemptuous and dismissive of the kids who soon will be a distant memory. Except that they will always be half siblings to your child (who I assume will never be fed a chicken nugget). Nasty attitude about the rent etc too. Has this all gone wrong very recently? Otherwise the obvious q is why do you have a 3 month old with someone you clearly dislike?
Sorry I forgot to say, my contempt is towards OH not his children.

I feel for them in all honesty, they've got two parents who severely lack common sense.

OP posts:
Mummytobe93 · 17/02/2022 17:42

You need to get your OH on the same page @ShiroMiso

When my DSS (6) was poorly a his mums, she tested him and so did we when he came to ours.
I’m not too bothered about being ill, it’s about the financial repercussions as we both would have to be off work if positive (we both test for work).

Yes, it’s not nice for the child to miss a visit at his dads but what’s even less nice is to miss out on weeks worth of wage for both of us. He’s also old enough to understand what COVID is and if you’ve got it you have to isolate. Of course it works other way around and if it happened to him to test positive at ours, he’d isolate here.

With a 3 month old in the house I’d certainly ask for a child who swaps houses frequently and has a cough to test.

ChiselandBits · 17/02/2022 17:42

Well sorry if its not polite but it just seems odd. And this is AIBU, fairly famous for asking blunt questions. If you just want an echo chamber where everyone agrees with you, this isn't the place.

Jaxhog · 17/02/2022 17:42

Absolutely YANBU!!

Some people may think it's now all over, but they can at least respect those of us who are still concerned. Having agreed they would test, it's really rude and disrespectful to not do so. I'd be angry too.

Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:46

@ChiselandBits

Well sorry if its not polite but it just seems odd. And this is AIBU, fairly famous for asking blunt questions. If you just want an echo chamber where everyone agrees with you, this isn't the place.
Fair one, and yes you're correct about AIBU so I donned my hard hat before posting and manifested a protective shield around me so the step parent bashers didn't get under my skin Wink

In all seriousness, my youngest baby was the best and most lovely mistake in the world. The product of a maintenance shag and I was on contraception, the coil, bizarrely.

I wouldn't swap him for all the tea in China, even if his dad is a twat.

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 17/02/2022 17:48

@ChiselandBits

Well sorry if its not polite but it just seems odd. And this is AIBU, fairly famous for asking blunt questions. If you just want an echo chamber where everyone agrees with you, this isn't the place.
That is no excuse for abuse though!
Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:49

That is no excuse for abuse though!

I wholeheartedly agree. The only viable excuse for abuse on MN is infact being a step parent Smile

OP posts:
ChiselandBits · 17/02/2022 17:52

Not sure where the abuse is? Robust criticism is not abuse.

ChiselandBits · 17/02/2022 17:53

Oh and I was slagged off on another thread yesterday as part of the 'bitter first wives club'. Just as much abuse for us but it's not a competition.

Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:53

@ChiselandBits

Not sure where the abuse is? Robust criticism is not abuse.
There's a fine line though isn't there.

Just wait. It'll come. It always does when a step mum posts.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:54

@ChiselandBits

Oh and I was slagged off on another thread yesterday as part of the 'bitter first wives club'. Just as much abuse for us but it's not a competition.
Don't worry ill be joining you there shortly, how's the company?
OP posts:
Penvelopey · 17/02/2022 17:55

Grrr.. this so annoys me. We had similar when I was pregnant only mum drove up dumped them on our doorstep and drove off fast.

Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 17:57

@Penvelopey

Grrr.. this so annoys me. We had similar when I was pregnant only mum drove up dumped them on our doorstep and drove off fast.
Bloody hell, see they do know what they're doing don't they.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that shit.

OP posts:
bananaramaroo · 17/02/2022 18:00

YANBU
Most step children I know stay where they are when they have covid symptoms/covid rather than go to the other house as scheduled because....common sense! Especially with you being vulnerable and the young baby. It's just considerate behaviour imo.

Pre-covid considerate people wouldn't go to another's house if they had a dv bug or similar.

Would it have been a huge problem if the week at your house was postponed until they were better?

ChiselandBits · 17/02/2022 18:03

Mostly us first wives are pretty fab, very clear eyed and extremely savvy about piss taking exes. However, any wisdom we have is routinely dismissed as 'bitter', 'jealous' and money grabbing.

LG123 · 17/02/2022 18:08

How are you going to feel when testing and isolation comes to an end completely.

Do you lock yourself away every flu season? If you are vulnerable to covid then you are probably vulnerable to the flu.

Time to move on.

Summerfun54321 · 17/02/2022 18:08

Where I live everyone is still testing for the main covid symptoms (temp, cough, loss of taste and smell).

Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 18:10

@LG123

How are you going to feel when testing and isolation comes to an end completely.

Do you lock yourself away every flu season? If you are vulnerable to covid then you are probably vulnerable to the flu.

Time to move on.

I will still ask for and expect basic decency from people coming into the house, in case of children and covid that would look like the parent testing them if they have symptoms.

In relation to the flu, I have my flu jab every year.

OP posts:
crabette · 17/02/2022 18:13

@shouldistop

That's irrelevant because they live here full time.

It's not irrelevant. They are your husbands children as much as your 3mo baby is.

It's not irrelevant though.

If I had two homes, with different family members living in each, and I tested positive for covid, I'd not dream of travelling to the other home, to avoid infecting additional members of my family unnecessary.

(Or if I had to, I'd give any vulnerable people the opportunity to vacate first.)

It's different where you have one full time residence and no other option.

Also, the OP isn't saying the SC can't come, but as a vulnerable person, and with a 3 month old baby(!!) the SC should definitely be testing before switching houses, and if ill should be giving her a heads up before coming.

You are definitely not BU OP, I'd be livid.

bananaramaroo · 17/02/2022 18:22

@ChiselandBits I don't think OP is questioning the ex, they're questioning their dp.

The step mum comment was due to the weird responses early on.

Ginger1982 · 17/02/2022 18:23

Would you be bothered if it was anything other than Covid?

Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 18:27

@Ginger1982

Would you be bothered if it was anything other than Covid?
Common cold and such like no.

D&V yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShiroMiso · 17/02/2022 18:33

Just took him aside for a chat.

He said the first he knew about them being ill was when he arrived to pick them up, he said his ex said they'd been ill but fine since Monday.

DSC said he has been ill since Monday and is still ill now, other DSC ill too. The only one who isn't is the one who tested positive for covid before.

Either way no test has been taken so I'll have to get some lateral flows myself tomorrow.

OP posts:
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