Annoyed with my OH who never bothers testing DSC

[ShiroMiso]

A few months after I'd just got out of hospital with my baby we were exposed to covid because OH nor his ex bothered to test DSC after DSC1 was identified as a close contact. DSC1 was eventually tested at my behest and was positive but luckily we managed to evade getting it. The other DSC remained negative too.

I was quite cross with OH and his ex about it, understandably I think, but all was fine in the end.

I told OH from then onwards if any of DSC had covid symptoms or are identified as a close contact he must test them before they come in. He agreed. I said I would be adopting the same rule with our DC, so if ours had any covid symptoms or were a close contact I would test them before exposing DSC as it's only fair.

Fast forward to now DSC have just arrived and 2 of the 3 have a hacking cough, the only one who isn't ill is the one who tested positive for covid at the end of last year.

The first I know about it is when they come in and within 5 minutes one is coughing and says he's been "seriously" unwell since Monday.

OH claims it's the first he's heard about it

Now I know many people aren't bothered about covid anymore and the rules are set to change etc but it's something that still bothers me as I am vulnerable and the vaccines don't offer complete protection.

We don't have any tests left over so will now need to get some for my peace of mind.

AIBU to be upset with OH?

It’s why I’ve never cohabited since my divorce and why I won’t. My exh is of the same mindset. Neither one of us can be arsed with dealing with another person and their needs / compromise required re our children. The more of these threads I read the more relieved I am that I didn’t cement any serious relationship post divorce

What do you intend to do going forward @ShiroMiso when testing stops but your DC are unwell with symptoms like coughs and temperatures? Will you ban them?

What happens if your D.C. are unwell? Will you continue to ban your step kids or will you remove your children? Where will it end?

Outwith this thread I don’t know what your relationship with these children is like, but confined to this thread, it comes across like you don’t have much time for them.

You know it’s your step kids’ house as well and they have a right to see their father.

All in all, You sound incredibly hostile to your husband’s children.

[quote ShiroMiso]@Penvelopey I really hope you feel better soon

Its a horrid disease for many, unfortunately those voices are drowned out by the "I'm alright Jack" crowd.[/quote]
Thank you. Yes so many people are ok with it. But "mild" covid doesn't mean its just a cold. It means you don't need the hospital. I feel awful with it and I'm terrified of the effect it is going to have on my parents. One of who is CEV.

What do you intend to do going forward @ShiroMiso when testing stops but your DC are unwell with symptoms like coughs and temperatures? Will you ban them? but we have testing now. So it should be being done now.

Sorry that first D.C should be step DC

@Penvelopey that’s not what I asked

[quote damelarue]@Penvelopey that’s not what I asked [/quote]
Why is it relevant to if the kids should have been tested now?

My LO is so used to it now and even tries to do it themselves.

I wouldn't necessarily see that as a good thing tbh.

I'm immune suppressed and honestly I wouldn't test them. We need to learn to live with covid full stop. Soon you won't be able to test. These are your husband's children so YAVBU and I hope your husband doesn't give into your absurd request.

Is it usual to take sick children here and there then, is it to make sure whatever it is spreads?

YABU!

@mummykel16 before covid yeah I think it was pretty common. I mean the symptoms being described are akin to the common cold. I don’t recollect ever cancelling plans because my DC had a cold. It was a given that cold season was here and we would all catch it.

We have to live with this. Life needs to move on.

@damelarue

What do you intend to do going forward *@ShiroMiso* when testing stops but your DC are unwell with symptoms like coughs and temperatures? Will you ban them?

What happens if your D.C. are unwell? Will you continue to ban your step kids or will you remove your children? Where will it end?

Outwith this thread I don’t know what your relationship with these children is like, but confined to this thread, it comes across like you don’t have much time for them.

You know it’s your step kids’ house as well and they have a right to see their father.

All in all, You sound incredibly hostile to your husband’s children.

When testing stops ill have to decide whether i'm comfortable being around people who are currently ill with what could be covid.

In case of DSC the result will be either I go to my DM's with my DC so OH can have DSC at the house, or i will tell him he needs to see them elsewhere.

Option 1 would be a courtesy on my part as i'm perfectly entitled to not want sick people in the house, be it DSC or even my own mother - however that would've been the option i took today had i been given a choice.

Throughout the course of the pandemic my DC have been tested umpteen times when they've been ill. DSC have always been a large part of my decision making in having them tested as unlike OH's ex, i don't want to spread covid among the siblings.

I sound incredibly hostile (do i really though) because i'm royally fucked off having been steamrolled over once again and stripped of any agency with regards to mine and my childrens health.

I had all the time in the world for DSC, unfortunately due to the current state of the relationship with my OH and the continuous stress with his ex and her lack of common sense i'm now beginning to check out.

I will always care about those children as they are my childrens siblings, what i wont continue to do is allow myself and my children to be put at risk because of parents nonchalant and reckless attitude to health.

@BABAHOTEL

YABU!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PROFOUND IMPUT!

When testing stops ill have to decide whether i'm comfortable being around people who are currently ill with what could be covid.

Are you never going to leave the house? I’m commuting back into London. Trains packed. I haven’t a clue who could be ill with covid.

Just ask him to leave FGS. You’re coming across incredibly sanctimonious. You want agency over these decisions then take your house back and make the decisions you want. You’re not some victim who is without choice and power in this situation.

Although I am intrigued as to what you will do when your child is with your partner and you have zero control over who your child comes into contact with. If your child develops cold symptoms when with your partner, would you refuse to let them in your house?

I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t.

It's my house, in my name and I pay the rent.

I think this changes things. Your house, in your name, which you pay for equals YOUR rules imo.

It's not their Dad's house therefore it's not theirs either. They are staying with you and you can decide what that looks like. Their Dad can get a separate house himself if he disagrees.

For the folks saying we just have to learn to live with covid:

So lets look at it like Influenza then, which we have had to learn to live with.

When people have the flu, is it not a good idea to steer clear of it where possible and not spread it around unnecessarily?

Does anybody actually want to catch flu or have their baby catch it?

I'm sure a sizable percentage of people upon hearing that a relative has flu, would want to reschedule a meet up. I know that most of my friends and family would want to reschedule. Who wants flu and all of the inconvenience it brings?

All common sense seems to go out of the window when it involves step children when really the same logic should apply. As somebody pointed out upthread, children old enough to understand the pandemic (or flu) know that its best not to pass it on.

The children are weaponised IMO, because they wouldn't care if they missed one dinner at dads house for the sake of keeping a baby sibling healthy.

Instead they're sent round to infect everybody because fuck step parents and the children they have.

I really don't think it matters what other people would do. It's OPs house. She gets to decide.

[quote sassbott]@mummykel16 before covid yeah I think it was pretty common. I mean the symptoms being described are akin to the common cold. I don’t recollect ever cancelling plans because my DC had a cold. It was a given that cold season was here and we would all catch it.

We have to live with this. Life needs to move on.[/quote]
Probably why so many schools are half full here because parents take no responsibility and send their children in with ds regardless, still, stuff the other parents/children .

@ShiroMiso

For the folks saying we just have to learn to live with covid:

So lets look at it like Influenza then, which we have had to learn to live with.

When people have the flu, is it not a good idea to steer clear of it where possible and not spread it around unnecessarily?

Does anybody actually want to catch flu or have their baby catch it?

I'm sure a sizable percentage of people upon hearing that a relative has flu, would want to reschedule a meet up. I know that most of my friends and family would want to reschedule. Who wants flu and all of the inconvenience it brings?

All common sense seems to go out of the window when it involves step children when really the same logic should apply. As somebody pointed out upthread, children old enough to understand the pandemic (or flu) know that its best not to pass it on.

The children are weaponised IMO, because they wouldn't care if they missed one dinner at dads house for the sake of keeping a baby sibling healthy.

Instead they're sent round to infect everybody because fuck step parents and the children they have.

Some people might take the view that mums and dads should share equal care for their kids when they're sick though? Why should mum have to hold onto them anytime they're ill on dad's time?

@sassbott

When testing stops ill have to decide whether i'm comfortable being around people who are currently ill with what could be covid.

Are you never going to leave the house? I’m commuting back into London. Trains packed. I haven’t a clue who could be ill with covid.

Just ask him to leave FGS. You’re coming across incredibly sanctimonious. You want agency over these decisions then take your house back and make the decisions you want. You’re not some victim who is without choice and power in this situation.

Although I am intrigued as to what you will do when your child is with your partner and you have zero control over who your child comes into contact with. If your child develops cold symptoms when with your partner, would you refuse to let them in your house?

I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t.

Don't be facetious, it's pretty obvious that I meant "trying to avoid it" when i know somebody actively has symptoms. That's very different to getting on a bus or train on the off chance somebody might.

If you know somebody is on that bus or train and they actually have covid symptoms you're not going to get on it are you.

When people have the flu, is it not a good idea to steer clear of it where possible and not spread it around unnecessarily?

A lot of people are torn on this subject, it seems to go either way. Some people think SC should still come round with the black death. You live with your elderly mother / gran who's going through cancer treatment? Fuck them, the kids can come whenever they like because ITS THEIR HOME. Almost seems like it's just to prove some point.

Others seem a bit more reasonable about it.

We all had a sickness and diarrhea bug last year. Step children were with us at the time when they started with it and we kept them here. We didn't just send them back to Mum to infect her household as well "just because". Literally WHY would we do that? And their Mum was more than happy with that obviously as she managed to avoid vomitting / shitting her own guts up like we all were it's perfectly reasonable imo for ill children (not talking a simple runny nose) to stay put sometimes.

And that D&V episode was HORRID. I was throwing up, DH was throwing up, our toddler was throwing up, BOTH SC were throwing up (and all shitting as well). It was genuinely the worst experience of my life, me and H felt so so poorly but had to mop up everyone else.

I still wouldn't have sent them back to infect mum and her husband just because "why should we have to deal with it all". How petty.

I’m not being remotely facetious, I’m asking you a genuine question. Covid is near endemic in the Uk. Hence why we’re so close to nearly everything being lifted, including testing.

What are your longer term plans to try and avoid this?