To not give two figs about housework?

[Tartankilt]

Is it just me who finds MN a bit obsessive about this topic? I’ve opened another thread about a husband going part time and he is expected to do housework. I started a thread yesterday about dropping DD off at nursery and started being quizzed about housework.

I get that if it’s an 80/20 split it’s a pain in the arse but is it just me who thinks too much angst? Our house regularly looks like someone has ransacked it though so I might not be the best person to ask!

Haha I think it was me that asked about Housework

OK- the reason I mention it in terms of stuff to do as a parent/workload is because it takes up so so much of my time, energy, mental load. So, in some contexts, I ask, because a burden on the family (such as school run) is simply another in a list of Burdens, of which most are housework.

So if I shoulder one area (child drop offs), I'd expect my partner to shoulder more of another area (eg some element of housework).

Obvs in an ideal world every adult would do 50% (in a house with two adults), but who has time to argue about who has done more of X or Y this week.

I suppose it depends what you mean by housework. I do care that everyone has clean clothes, home cooked meals and can find their stuff. Most of this is my job because I’m widowed. Do I wash my skirting boards? No.

The mental load does crush me fairly regularly though (eldest has some SN and mental health issues at the moment). If I could share those with my DC’s parent that would be great. But I can’t so I do my best.

about a husband going part time and he is expected to do housework

Why shouldn't he be?

Oops sorry @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz - wasn’t meant to be aimed at anyone personally! Thanks for taking it so well!

I know what you mean, I think it is just that we are probably quite laid back so whoever it starts to bother does whatever needs doing any any one time. It would depress me no end if I had a list like ‘on Tuesday I must clean the hall’ or whatever.

I suppose because I’d hate to have my days dictated to. If I didn’t work Tuesdays (say) it might be nice sometimes to have a jaunt somewhere or whatever. I’d hate to feel chained to the hoover.

I think if I was part time I’d expect to do more housework but I’d hate it to be dictated to as to when I did it.

I think it’s a very individual thing, everyone has different preferences/standards for housework. What’s understood as ‘clean’ to one person will vary. Also if you have young children, or a disability etc, that might impact on how you handle it and what you let slide.

I’m pretty on top of hoovering/mopping, wiping down sides etc, clean the bathroom often - but I don’t really scrub windows or skirting boards etc as often as I probably should. I’m happy with my balance though.

I know exactly what you mean and it's good to read this - sometimes I think we are doing the house wrong because there is no schedule of housework and it never feels like a burden - we just do it as and when it needs it, both of us pitching in.

I don't think I could live in a house that was untidy tbh. I guess we're all different though & it's up to you & DH.

I think potentially kids might get embarrassed having friends back as they get older though?

If you’re happy you can’t be doing it wrong. But I know what you mean - I do wonder sometimes if I should be more organised with it but the truth is I honestly just don’t care who emptied the dishwasher, who cleared the lounge of a million toys and who changed the sheets on the bed.

I like my house to be tidy, but i only have 1 child so maybe have it easier than others.
I don't do any big cleans though, i hoover and mop the floors 2-3 times a week and regularly wipe down the kitchen sides. I only dust when i notice dust though, always forget to dust say the blinds/tops of door frames/picture frames/my spare room (seeing as it's never used)
Windows i am useless at, i tend to make them more smeared! Bath/tiles get wiped down after each use with an old towel to avoid water marks

"I suppose because I’d hate to have my days dictated to"

But your days would be dictated to if you had a DP who did nothing, because he claimed that it didn't bother him. Jokes aside, there's got to be a level of cleaning happening if you have children. If one person is doing it all, then they don't have the opportunity to jaunt off anywhere. These men usually aren't picking up childcare, shopping etc to make up for the lack of housework.

@converseandjeans maybe but all my friends with very small children are the same. I mean, DD won’t always be this small and have this many toys and (hopefully) she won’t always pull every single book out of the bookcase, or relocate various items around the house having the owner following baffled ‘where IS my watch …?’

But like I say it’s just not something I can get worked up about.

@Ponoka7 yes, to a point, I mean, if the kitchen looks like a health hazard and the bathroom floor has vanished and you go off with your mates then that’s one thing.

However, if it’s ‘ordinary mess’ (toys, some laundry needing to be put away, dishwasher needs emptying) then fair enough that has to be done. I just wouldn’t want part of the ‘deal’ to be working PT to have to do that before I can have ‘fun.’

I’m a lackadaisical hausfrau (DH and I both work full time and we can’t be arsed cleaning the whole house every week).

But even I have standards and when DH or I don’t pull our weight, it definitely affects the other.

So I think you do have to care about housework to an extent, when you live with others.

Housework isn’t priority in my house 😬, I can’t remember the last time I dusted. I do hoover but that takes ten minutes, we put washing in the machine and when it’s full someone pops a tablet in and switches it on, then when it beeps someone will get it out and pop it into the tumble dryer…it’s hardly work. My house looks lived in, occasionally I will tidy a little which involves putting some things away and putting things in the bin. When I go to bed I pop some bleach into the loo.

Not sure why people feel the need to spend half their day doing housework.

Sometimes one of us will (usually if we have guests!) but mostly it’s just keeping everything ticking over. I did clean the whole kitchen last week

Don't you find there is additional stresses that come with having a 'house that looks like it's been ransacked'? I just find everything goes much more smoothly when the jobs are done first. We can find things quicker, clothes we want to wear are clean, bag is quick to be packed to go out and have fun etc. I have a friend whose house is chaos because she hates housework but she doesn't have more free time because she's always playing catch up.

YANBU, do whatever works for you in your home. I would say that my house is ‘lived in clean’. It’s neither scrupulously spotless nor ‘sticky floor pigsty’.

I have a big shedding dog and a long haired cat. The dog is hosed down after particularly muddy escapades but the hair is an uphill struggle. The dog doesn’t go upstairs but the cat does, so at least the worst of the hair is kept to the ground floor. We are fairly tidy humans but we’ve lived here for a long time and so there is ‘stuff’ but not loads of crap lying around on the kitchen table for eg.

As for housework, we do it as we go along mostly. There isn’t a schedule, it just gets done as and when. The kitchen sides, hob and sink are done before & after use. The laundry is done when the basket is full. The floors are done when they need it. Bathrooms are done when they need it. The guest bedroom bathroom before/after a guest. Bedding on regularly used beds is washed weekly. Clean tea towels daily. Normal towels every few days (daily bath/showers)

It would depress me no end if I had a list like ‘on Tuesday I must clean the hall’ or whatever

A living space that looked like it had been ransacked would depress me.

We have a cleaning rota, takes 15 minutes each a day each, 4 days a week, it helps keep on top of things, ensures we are both pulling our weight, and takes the mental load away from thinking about what needs doing next. Because everything gets done weekly nothing builds up too much if something gets missed one week.

I grew up in a very messy, slightly dirty house, my dad worked away a lot and my mum used to joke about not being good at housekeeping. It was embarrassing and I didn't have friends over because of it. It was stressful never being able to find anything when I needed it. Love my clean tidy flat now, it's always ready to have people over and saves so much time knowing where everything is.

As for dusting, I put the brush head attachment on the hoover hose, much more effective as it sucks the dust away. V quick too.

I read a thread the other day where someone was talking (with horror) about someone not cleaning banisters, door handles or the backs of doors.

I can say with 100% certainty that I have never ever cleaned any of this items and am still alive to tell the tale

I think MN is full of feckless husbands and wives that martyr themselves, it’s a dangerous combo

I think cleaning style is something cohabiting couples need to be aligned on before they move in together - like how you’d discuss finances, or long term goals etc. It’s great if you both have similar standards/interest for cleaning (or it one person is happy to do the bulk of it!) but if one of you is very neat and the other more relaxed then that could cause trouble down the line. Especially if one person ends up picking up the slack and resents their partner because of it. You need to both be on the same page. Might seem small in isolation but it can build into a big problem.

It helps/releases me from 'worry' by having set cleaning days. I know that things will never get bad/too much to cope with. 4 days a week just keep tidy, no pressure then 3 days I clean - a set area each day. Have done this for over 30 years.

I like a clean house. If my partner was working part time and I worked full time, I would expect him to do more than half.