To not give two figs about housework?

[Tartankilt]

Is it just me who finds MN a bit obsessive about this topic? I’ve opened another thread about a husband going part time and he is expected to do housework. I started a thread yesterday about dropping DD off at nursery and started being quizzed about housework.

I get that if it’s an 80/20 split it’s a pain in the arse but is it just me who thinks too much angst? Our house regularly looks like someone has ransacked it though so I might not be the best person to ask!

@jytdtysrht

Some stuff needs doing though. I presume you don’t have shit stains on your bog? Or use only paper plates and not wash up? And someone takes out the recycling/rubbish?

I never understand this nonsense. If the toilets dirty when you finish using it, clean it. If there are some dishes, chuck them in the dishwasher or one of you wash them when the other is playing with the kids/doing bath time/whatever. If the bin is full when you put some rubbish in, empty it.

That's it.
It's that simple.

I found it took more time in the long run not to be clean and tidy. Running around looking for the other shoe/glove/a clean top/a particular item/paperwork/whatever is all very annoying when buried under a pile of other clutter and things that need washing or sorting.

I grew up in a reasonably clean but untidy house because my mum felt the same as OP and she thought herself above doing any of that mundane stuff. Looking back she just couldn't be bothered!

Finding things quickly and getting out of the house is so much easier when it's organised. I got better storage, and decluttered, and the house practically looks after itself. I don't have "can't have anyone round" syndrome because it's not show-home perfect but it is always very reasonable. I hate mopping though.

Isn't it said that no has "I wish I'd done more housework" as an epitaph?

I suppose that’s the issue @ShallWeTalkAboutBruno and I think the problem is that then one person does too much and the other then starts to micromanage. It’s rubbish for both parties.

@diddl

Isn't it said that no has "I wish I'd done more housework" as an epitaph?

A messy house makes me genuinely miserable though. I hate living amongst clutter and disorganisation. So if I had spent my life being stressed at the mess I was living in without doing anything about it, I probably would have ‘I wish I’d done more housework’ as an epitaph!

I don’t think you can ever predict how your children might feel about their living space. Some may well long for an immaculate house and others may want mum or dad to unclench a bit. Given that there’s no way of predicting that, you do just have to go with the flow a bit I think.

So for instance today my DH is working away so I know my ‘jobs’ - to get DD to nursery and pick her up, put some laundry away, empty the dishwasher and put a wash on. All reasonable. But if he wasn’t working away and he presented those to me as some sort of tick box it would really make me miserable.

Who is presenting their partners with housework as a tick box exercise, though?

@diddl

Isn't it said that no has "I wish I'd done more housework" as an epitaph?

Doesn't it depend what impact mess has on your mental health?

I think the difference would be you aren’t insisting that everyone else in the house adheres to those exact standards though, Bruno.

I am very much for people doing what makes them happy and if housework is part of that then they should. I do understand it - cleaning can be surprisingly therapeutic, I think! But it’s a bit like exercise where I do it when I want to, not according to schedule.

I need to have a tidy clean house or it fucks with my mind. Wish it didn't but what can you do.

@Tartankilt

I think the difference would be you aren’t insisting that everyone else in the house adheres to those exact standards though, Bruno.

I am very much for people doing what makes them happy and if housework is part of that then they should. I do understand it - cleaning can be surprisingly therapeutic, I think! But it’s a bit like exercise where I do it when I want to, not according to schedule.

Well yeah… I like a tidy house but I don’t do it to a schedule. And I don’t know anyone who does to be honest.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts, well, on the thread I read earlier, there was an overwhelming sense that a day off work sans children should be spent in the house, on housework. Which would piss me off

And I do see this a lot - yesterday I was in a stress with getting DD to nursery, it had absolutely to do with housework, and yet posters were still demanding to know who did the housework. DH cleaning all morning won’t make dropping DD off any easier!

Clean and tidy are different things. For me cleanliness is about keeping things hygienic. For Dh being ‘clean’ is about being tidy as per his background and he prefers to do it but he forgets to wash dish clothes, won’t use antibacterial spray, doesn’t mop unless he’s reminded, and is so unhygienic when cooking and washing up I often need to tell him to do it again. He also thinks dusting isn’t necessary so if I didn’t point it out we’d end up with caked in greast-dust in the kitchen. But cleaning is his job so I make him fix his own mistakes though.

As for tidiness that isn’t something I particularly care about. As long as nothing is underfoot and we can all find our things it’s a win for me.

I think the main problem is those men who do absolutely no domestic shitwork yet complain about it not being done, or those who won't even put their dirty pants in the laundry basket/dirty coffee mug in the sink.

Our house is an awful mess, to the point that I almost certainly have some sort of something wrong with me (in that I can't keep anywhere tidy)... but at the same time I'm not bothered enough to do much about it.

I don't care about a bit of dust but I do like a clean kitchen and bathroom. I also like things to be put away and orderly. I'm working from home full time now and I find it difficult to concentrate on work if the house isn't reasonably in order.

Strangely I hate dust - I think it is because my dad was anally tidy but never used to dust so would constantly be sneezing

DH does very little but works much longer hours than I do, and now I don't have a commute it naturally falls to me. We only have one DD at home now though and she's often away half the week so it's def easier now than when DCs were small.

I do almost all school drop offs and pick ups 23 miles round trip. DH loads and unloads dishwasher. Gives child breakfast and makes his packed lunch 4 days each week. He works from home ATM so as no travel gets it done before 9am. I have a cleaner twice a week to do hoovering, steam mop floors, clean work surfaces, wipe over cooker top, make child's bed changing sheets. I do dusting, make DH and I a toastie/jacket potato or similar for lunch. I do most laundry. I CV lean microwaves. We have an online shop and DS puts it away. DFS does recycling. Other things like changing our duvet we do between us. Occasionally in I get cleaner to do extra time for a deep clean.

I like my home to be clean, tidy and organised. I spend a lot of time at home and I want it to look lovely…I’m an artistic person and I like things to be aesthetically pleasing.

If you went to a nice hotel, you’d probably be cooing over the nice decor so why would you not want to live like that all the time?

Besides, for those of us who privately rent, you have to de clutter and clean at the end of a tenancy so why let it all build up and have extra stress when you move?

I like a clean house therefore I need to do housework. I’d be embarrassed if my house looked ransacked as would my kids.
I think some people use ‘spending time with their kids ‘ as an excuse to be a bit slovenly.

I’ve opened another thread about a husband going part time and he is expected to do housework.

Why on earth wouldn't he?

Tbh I sometimes think that when some women airily say 'Oh I don't mind doing it - I don't do that much really anyway, my house is a tip!', what they really mean is 'It would be too much of a fight to get my husband to actually do anything like a fair share of the housework. I don't want to admit that I'm married to a man who thinks housework is my job because I'ma woman, so I'll just style it out by pretending I'm not fussed and am a bit of a slattern'.

I'm no clean freak and I don't like doing housework. I do the lion's share of it purely because I work far, far fewer hours than dh does. If I get a full time job, we're getting a cleaner and we'll share the rest 50/50.

if you went to a nice hotel, you’d probably be cooing over the nice decor

I can’t say I would, tbh.

so why would you not want to live like that all the time

Stating the obvious a bit but because it’s a home. Believe me, both holiday cottages we’ve rented since having DD have reached ransack status quickly!

I think it's very much dependent on the relationship - with ex I was doing everything - and I'm super laid back - I've never wiped a skirting board in my life, and have generally very laid back, but when he's sleeping in and flouncing around and leaving salt and chilli everywhere for the meals he cooks for himself then it all starts to grate a bit I think.

General lack of consideration is a PITA.

I think a massive part of the battle is keeping the house tidy. If you tidy everything as you go, always put things away, always wash the pots when you've had dinner, wipe up splashes when you've been cooking etc, it makes things much easier. The house always looks presentable then. Of course things still need cleaning and are important to be kept clean, like the toilet, but I have found that living like this makes things much less stressful.