To not give two figs about housework?

[Tartankilt]

Is it just me who finds MN a bit obsessive about this topic? I’ve opened another thread about a husband going part time and he is expected to do housework. I started a thread yesterday about dropping DD off at nursery and started being quizzed about housework.

I get that if it’s an 80/20 split it’s a pain in the arse but is it just me who thinks too much angst? Our house regularly looks like someone has ransacked it though so I might not be the best person to ask!

@FanciedChange

I am so sick and tired of cleaning and tidying. I wish I could let it go but I can't. My DC have high needs SEN and just fling (literal) shit everywhere. Toys deliberately emptied out then hurled around. Curtains ripped down, drawings on the floor when I turn my back, smearing food all over the place, deliberately blocking the toilets then flushing them. Every time I deal with one thing, one of them does another. Anywhooo (this is probably not the place for the rant ), every time I see TOMM or Fly Lady or whatever I just groan and feel like I wish I could have the time and space for that instead of wondering how to fish a turd out from behind a radiator ...

God that sounds so hard

@stayathomer

I can't deal with the beds changed once a month bit....that's just manky. Does it not depend though? I've 4 boys, all get their sheets changed once a week but there is 1 who's sheets definitely aren't too dirty and one who's actually smell. Surely it all depends on activity, sweating etc?

But a MONTH?????? Surely that excessive?

@FanciedChange

I am so sick and tired of cleaning and tidying. I wish I could let it go but I can't. My DC have high needs SEN and just fling (literal) shit everywhere. Toys deliberately emptied out then hurled around. Curtains ripped down, drawings on the floor when I turn my back, smearing food all over the place, deliberately blocking the toilets then flushing them. Every time I deal with one thing, one of them does another. Anywhooo (this is probably not the place for the rant ), every time I see TOMM or Fly Lady or whatever I just groan and feel like I wish I could have the time and space for that instead of wondering how to fish a turd out from behind a radiator ...

That is so very hard.

What I want to know is this: say someone has a cleaner . Does the cleaner clean the house when you're not there then? So how does that work? Do they have their own key?? And if this is the case then where is everyone finding all these trustworthy cleaners ?
If you are going to be there, then it's hardly freeing up much time to get out, does it ? Or am I missing something?

My cleaner had a key. It was fine. Nobody wants to be at home while the cleaner’s there, it feels very uncomfortable.

I also want to add : went through a phase of crazy cleaning all day every day. Every day I vacuumed all of the house (five bedrooms all carpeted , all of downstairs ..), usually mopped downstairs most days. It was a new house and I did this for the best part of three years... then I decided to get a life and clean/tidy around my other activities planned during the day . ... and guess what .. the house is still clean and tidy.

I would actually love to find a decent cleaner though .

I also very much agree with the poster who said if your house has proper storage and is (regularly) decluttered, it will look after itself. This is so true !

What I find so unpleasant about housework is that it has somehow become a sort of cult in very recent years (Mrs Hinch etc) and my FB feed is often filled with speeded up videos of young women (ALWAYS young women) doing mammoth amounts of housework like it's something to be proud of. It isn't and there is always something better to be doing than housework. If having a less than perfect house makes you anxious then work on your anxiety, not on doing more housework. It's totally crazy.

I would feel really uncomfortable living in a house that looks like it’s been “ransacked”. So I do housework. Two of three of the other family members don’t care, so don’t bother. Fair enough.

I have a family member whose house sounds a bit like yours and its honestly not very nice at all. I don't even like taking a cup of tea there because it doesn't feel clean.

I'm not chained to the hoover. It takes 10 minutes to hoover my whole house. 5 minutes to tidy the kitchen. I clean the bathroom every morning in about 2 minutes.

It's not that time consuming or difficult and there's no excuse to live in filth really.

But each to their own.

I’m a terrible housekeeper, I do wish I was better but alas no. I seem to go through phases of deep cleaning and then light maintenance. I know someone who doesn’t let her children play with their toys because it will mess up the house, they get handed the iPad, she told me this herself. I couldn’t live like that.

@MrsSkylerWhite

I would feel really uncomfortable living in a house that looks like it’s been “ransacked”. So I do housework. Two of three of the other family members don’t care, so don’t bother. Fair enough.

I think that is what puts me off! I live with 3 people who do nothing. I literally pick up sweet wrappers from random places all over and it’s not the children doing it. I get so tired and unmotivated.

No one is “living in filth”, I can assure you, but nor is anyone working to an exact and demanding schedule, or insisting that ‘free’ time is filled with housework.

@Tartankilt

No one is “living in filth”, I can assure you, but nor is anyone working to an exact and demanding schedule, or insisting that ‘free’ time is filled with housework.

But who is working to an exact and demanding schedule? You keep saying this, but it’s not something I’ve encountered.

TheBigPeach

MrsSkylerWhite
I would feel really uncomfortable living in a house that looks like it’s been “ransacked”. So I do housework. Two of three of the other family members don’t care, so don’t bother. Fair enough.
I think that is what puts me off! I live with 3 people who do nothing. I literally pick up sweet wrappers from random places all over and it’s not the children doing it. I get so tired and unmotivated.“

You care, they don’t. 🤷‍♀️

So obviously I don’t want this to be deleted for TAAT but this was from a thread about a husband working part time:

BUT I would expect him to use his non working days to do all the stuff I currently do on non working days - laundry, errands, food shop, cupboard sort outs, organising social life, etc etc. Basically use the time to make our lives better/easier.

If he just has DD pre and post school and puts his feet up in between, I’d be rather miffed

So I read that and feel … how joyless to not be able to put your feet up in your own time, to always have to be ‘working’ to ‘make it fair.’

Now that is not the same as saying that someone who works part time shouldn’t do housework. Just that personally having an expectation about what I should do when would get me down.

Our home is really minimal. I feel anxious if there is clutter and shit lying about. I shoulder about 85% of the housework because it's my anxiety when things are a guddle. It's not like anyone comes to visit us much or anything either! He takes the bins out and does the dishwasher if he manages to get to it before me. Its not huge. I'd probably struggle if it were like 5 bedroom.

I occasionally have a grump if him and my DS leave shit at their arse. I try not let it get to me as it's probably very normal to leave a coat and shoes in the hall way. They make my life easier in other ways. My DP is really thoughtful and does a lot of the shopping, he picks me up stuff and goes errands if I need him to and he's fairly cheerful about it. My DS is a messy wee fucker though. His dads house is immaculate too. I don't know where he gets it from. He makes a cracking cup of tea though and he's generally very fun to be around.

I tend to do stuff straight away. Like clearing up after cooking straight after having dinner. Can't go to sleep unless the kitchen is clear!

@Tartankilt

So obviously I don’t want this to be deleted for TAAT but this was from a thread about a husband working part time:

BUT I would expect him to use his non working days to do all the stuff I currently do on non working days - laundry, errands, food shop, cupboard sort outs, organising social life, etc etc. Basically use the time to make our lives better/easier.

If he just has DD pre and post school and puts his feet up in between, I’d be rather miffed

So I read that and feel … how joyless to not be able to put your feet up in your own time, to always have to be ‘working’ to ‘make it fair.’

Now that is not the same as saying that someone who works part time shouldn’t do housework. Just that personally having an expectation about what I should do when would get me down.

I don’t think that poster is saying he can never put his feet up, just that those jobs need doing, at some point during the week? I don’t know. When I was a SAHM I had plenty of time putting my feet up, or doing fun things with the kids. But I also made sure the jobs that needed doing to make our house a nice place to live were done. DH is very laid back about life in general but I imagine he would have been a bit put out if he did a full days work then came home every single day to loads of jobs that needed doing while I’d watched TV all day. Having said that, I never spent my days doing ‘cupboard sort outs’. There are certain things that need to be done for a home to function, and someone has to do those things. Generally it makes sense for the person who works the least hours to do the majority of those things.