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Original poster

Been asked to change my name by Ex's partner!

999 replies

justustwoandmoo · 16/02/2022 17:12

I have been separated from my ExH for 4 years, divorced for about a year. He has been with his new partner for about 3.5 years. I'm settled, everyone happy, no conflict and my daughter goes 50/50 between us. All good.

BUT I have never changed my name because I don't want to have a different surname to my daughter. Also, I just can't be bothered with the hassle tbh. I see it as my name and my identity really. It would be strange to go back to my maiden name now.

My ExH is looked to get remarried and he's contacted to say that his partner would be more comfortable if I changed my name back so that she can adopt her married name.

My brain can't quite decide if I'm being unreasonable by refusing? I just don't want to change my name 🤔🤔

OP posts:
Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 16/02/2022 17:29

If it were me I try to use it as an opportunity to get the children's names changed to my maiden name. Basically if he agrees to that and pays for the whole process of legally changing everyone's names, then sure. Be interesting to see how he responds to that too.

TheHaka · 16/02/2022 17:29

I wouldn’t want to keep the name of an ex, & I’ve always wondered why women do this. Perhaps they don’t want to go back to being a Miss. You took his name when you got married, you are no longer married so not your name now.

Justanotherobserver · 16/02/2022 17:30

Just...no. What a weird request!

PinkButtercups · 16/02/2022 17:30

Just send this to him. Sorted.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 16/02/2022 17:30

Can you tell them you'll change it to "The Original (and still The Best) Mrs WooMoo"?

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 16/02/2022 17:30

I do find it odd that you would want to keep your ex's name, you are divorced. I am getting married this year, and I would be pissed off if my partner's ex wife still used his name.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 16/02/2022 17:31

Sorry, Twoandmoo!

JakeyRolling · 16/02/2022 17:31

I hope it's not something like "Smith" - she'll have a fit when she sees the telephone book.

Original poster
justustwoandmoo · 16/02/2022 17:31

@Bigassbeebuzzbuzz

I think its totally up to you what name you decide to use. However as a divorced woman I couldnt wait to go back to my maiden name asap so only assume you had an amicable divorce.
Very amicable. Nothing went to court etc. that's why I was so surprised to get the message today I guess.

I totally understand why people want to change it back asap though. Or why people don't change in the first place. I got married at 21 (now 40) so I guess I'm just very used to having that name.

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 16/02/2022 17:31

If he gets shitty suggest you +dc change to a name of your choosing but you aren't having a different one to your dc... Ball is in his court then.

Dixiechickonhols · 16/02/2022 17:31

Not unreasonable. I wouldn’t want different name from my young child. It’s your name now.
Easy solution is she stays as maiden or if she wants to match him then he takes hers or they both pick a new one. He won’t want to not match child I bet but that’s what they want you to do.

HirplesWithHaggis · 16/02/2022 17:31

@TheHaka

I wouldn’t want to keep the name of an ex, & I’ve always wondered why women do this. Perhaps they don’t want to go back to being a Miss. You took his name when you got married, you are no longer married so not your name now.
Well, I have no plans to divorce, but I've been Mrs A for almost twice as long as I was Ms B, it would be very odd to change now.
TidyDancer · 16/02/2022 17:31

She is insane. It's not his name, it's your name and he has no right to ask you to change it. If the new partner is uncomfortable, that's her issue not yours. Suggest your ex changes his name to hers, but neither has a right to ask you to do anything.

SickAndTiredAgain · 16/02/2022 17:31

I wouldn’t be able to stop myself laughing if I was presented with such a ridiculous request.

What planet is she on?

cuno · 16/02/2022 17:31

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

Give him 3 options

A - she gets over it and you all 3 and your daughter have the same last name

b - he takes her name so they match but he will no longer have the same last name as his daughter

C - you change your name back but you change your daughters at the same time either to yours or double barrelled

Brilliant! I definitely think you should propose these 3 options to him OP!
TidyDancer · 16/02/2022 17:32

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash

I do find it odd that you would want to keep your ex's name, you are divorced. I am getting married this year, and I would be pissed off if my partner's ex wife still used his name.

Out of interest, why would this piss you off? I just can't understand what impact this would actually have on someone in your position.

Zilla1 · 16/02/2022 17:32

Entirely in her head and worrying symptoms of wedding madness to come. Easy solution though - suggest your ex changes his surname to her maiden name. That way, they both have the same surname and she won't have the same surname as children who aren't hers. If he's reluctant and wants his children to have the same surname as him then it might help him understand your feelings though I suspect she will be too far gone.

Thatsplentyjack · 16/02/2022 17:33

Tell him if she's that uncomfortable then he can ease her discomfort and he can take her name. Simple.

Campervangirl · 16/02/2022 17:33

When he replies you reply
"not happening pal. Regards Mrs Justustwoandmoo"
They've got a frigging cheek and his oh must be very insecure.
It's like shes trying to erase you.
I liked your message, short and to the point, I'd have said "fuck off nobhead" 😂

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 16/02/2022 17:33

I agree with Halfshrunk

ChargingBuck · 16/02/2022 17:33

FFS his new partner is a pathetic twat.

Tell Ex that sure - you'll change the name.
Just as soon as he's written to everyone else in the world with the same surname & got their agreement to change theirs, too.

MeanderingGently · 16/02/2022 17:34

I never changed my name after my divorce so that both my children have the same surname.
Ex has remarried, if they'd come asking me to change my surname I'd tell them to get lost...no way. What they do is their business but they have no right to tell me what to do.
No, don't do it.

Zilla1 · 16/02/2022 17:34

what @HalfShrunkMoreToGo said before I did.

Dixiechickonhols · 16/02/2022 17:34

If you’ve been married name for 19 years it’s as much your name as his. You and child changing to new name is a possibility but I personally wouldn’t- lots of hassle paperwork wise and risks upsetting child when situation amicable.

Original poster
justustwoandmoo · 16/02/2022 17:35

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash

I do find it odd that you would want to keep your ex's name, you are divorced. I am getting married this year, and I would be pissed off if my partner's ex wife still used his name.
But there are probably LOADS of women out there with your surname. Nobody mistakes them for you do they?

You can't own a name. That's what I'm struggling to get my head around...

OP posts: