Been asked to change my name by Ex's partner!

[justustwoandmoo]

I have been separated from my ExH for 4 years, divorced for about a year. He has been with his new partner for about 3.5 years. I'm settled, everyone happy, no conflict and my daughter goes 50/50 between us. All good.

BUT I have never changed my name because I don't want to have a different surname to my daughter. Also, I just can't be bothered with the hassle tbh. I see it as my name and my identity really. It would be strange to go back to my maiden name now.

My ExH is looked to get remarried and he's contacted to say that his partner would be more comfortable if I changed my name back so that she can adopt her married name.

My brain can't quite decide if I'm being unreasonable by refusing? I just don't want to change my name 🤔🤔

YANBU. She can't rewrite history. There are many of us who are (or who have been) the second Mrs Cholmondely-Ffarquarson. Our marriages were no less valid or committed. Neither did anyone ever confuse me with the first Mrs C-F. Not least because it takes more than a name to build an identity,

I always find it a bit sad that exes want to keep their married names and use the kids as the excuse.

If they're so determined to have the same name, why can't he change his to hers?

Hahaha if my ex's fiancé asked this, I'd just send back laughing emojis. No way am I changing my surname, which is what it is now, the same way his surname is yours. Her insecurities aren't your issue.

@NannyOggsWhiskyStash

I do find it odd that you would want to keep your ex's name, you are divorced. I am getting married this year, and I would be pissed off if my partner's ex wife still used his name.

Why is it odd not to want a different surname from your children? What I find odd is the fact that you wasting any brain space at all on what your partner's ex chooses to call herself.

No chance are you being unreasonable, what a cheeky cow. My mum kept her ex husbands name as she wanted to still share the surname with my youngest brother who they share. She’d probably laugh at him if he sent her that text message, how ridiculous of his new partner. She sounds insecure.

Been divorced since 2007, still got my married surname.

Yanbu, my ex tried the same after I said no and he kept asking I said I would as long as he agreed I could change dcs name to the same as mine (he refused and never asked again).

point out that she could just call herself Mrs Davies2 as you will always be Mrs Davies1

It's not his name. It's your name.

How about you say yes as long as you can change your child's name to your maiden name - lighthearted

What is the obsession with having the same surname as your children? It didn't even occur to me to change my name when I got married so there was nothing to 'do' when we seperated. I can't really remember any scenario where having different surnames mattered a damn beyond a quick one line clarification. Flights on your own with the kids maybe but a simple note from the ex clarifying you're their mum solves it. Everything I have achieved in my life, every job, every qualificayion, every publication is in the same name from birth to now. I can't know how anyone would want anything different apart from a few short years of early childhood when it might, might, be slightly confusjng

Love the idea that you go back to your maiden name and change your dd’s also. Please tell him that!

Travelling can be a pain if you and your dd don’t have the same surname so I’d just tell him no, you don’t want a different name from your child. Most importantly, you don’t want to, so it’s a no.

Yanbu how dare she ask you to change your name.

He could change his to hers - or they could double barrel theirs? That way his name would also include the same name your daughter has, if that's important to him, but the new wife would also have a different name from you.

I always find it a bit sad that exes want to keep their married names and use the kids as the excuse

I think most people on this thread would find your view quite sad and very immature b

@justustwoandmoo tell him he is more than capable of taking his new wife's name but you won't be changing yours as its the same as DD!

If myself and DH never married and split id change it by deed poll to match my DC!

There's nothing wrong with wanting the same name as your child. And what an absolute PITA changing names is especially after so long it would feel so foreign.
It's a non issue and hopefully when she's married him she wont feel so insecure.

YANBU. So your ExH's new wife doesn't want to be know as Mrs xx (the second). She must be very insecure.

It’s not weird to keep the surname you have had for a number of years & that your child has. Just ignore them. She doesn’t get to demand that you change your name.

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

Give him 3 options

A - she gets over it and you all 3 and your daughter have the same last name

b - he takes her name so they match but he will no longer have the same last name as his daughter

C - you change your name back but you change your daughters at the same time either to yours or double barrelled

Agree with this.

The reasonable part of me would say "no, I'll be keeping my name."

The petty part of me would want to get remarried, make the new guy take my name, then have 4 more kids and give them all the name. Not only would I not give it back, I'd take it more!

She obviously has surnames confused with tiaras, and thinks only one woman can wear them at a time. They’re both cracker. If he comes back with “no it’s not a joke” I’d just maintain an air of amused bafflement. It’s what it deserves.

I'd reply 'No backsies' and include a wedding photo

I had this shite. Also a rather common name.

I told XH if it was a problem, he should take her name.