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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Father requesting more days with children.

162 replies

Meme43 · 16/02/2022 14:50

Hello,
So I separated 8 years ago (divorced 3 years), and my 3 children have had regular contact with their father…staying roughly 3 nights every 10 days. I have always worked around his schedule to accommodate it recently he has more spare time and is requesting to have the children stay 4 nights one week two nights the following. I don’t agree to this but am I within my rights to say no?

OP posts:
GirlInACountrySong · 16/02/2022 14:51

Why don't you agree and how old are the children?

Babadook76 · 16/02/2022 14:51

Why don’t you agree with it? Would the children like to stay more often?

Violetmo0n · 16/02/2022 14:52

Children's choice depending on their age

FortVictoria · 16/02/2022 14:54

Why don’t you agree? Mumsnet is full of deadbeat dads that have nothing to do with their children, so this is a refreshing change. But will it cause you logistical problems? Why are you concerned?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 16/02/2022 14:55

Why can't they stay more?

vodkaredbullgirl · 16/02/2022 14:57

What's the problem, other than you don't agree.

Bakewelltart987 · 16/02/2022 14:58

Unless you have a very good reason not to which I doubt as dc already stay over then I say you let them. Time with there dad is just as important as time with you.

Shelby2010 · 16/02/2022 14:59

So he wants to change from roughly EOW to almost 50:50?

I don’t think you have to agree, but I guess he could go to court. I expect they would look at how disruptive it would be for the DC vs the benefit of more equal time with both parents.

3cats2kids1dog · 16/02/2022 14:59

unless there is something you are leaving put, i dont think you can object... its not your rights that are on the line, it is the kids'...

Bakewelltart987 · 16/02/2022 15:01

And given you split up 8 years ago children will be old enough to have their opinion about if they want to stay more!

FabianK · 16/02/2022 15:01

Why?

coodawoodashooda · 16/02/2022 15:04

If he's a nice guy then why not? If he's abusive or a manchild then no.

GirlInACountrySong · 16/02/2022 15:05

No more to this op?

CharlotteSometimess · 16/02/2022 15:06

I wouldn't agree either OP. It's the fashion these days for children to be passed between two homes when the reality is that they do better with one stable base

You'll have everyone telling you you absolutely must gods in to this and allow it but I wouldn't. The only reason I'd reconsider that stance would be how keen my kids were and the age of them

GirlInACountrySong · 16/02/2022 15:09

She's in no position allow or not allow

Parents should work together in best interests of the children

If he took it to court he would likely get it. 50/50 is encouraged

christmassausages · 16/02/2022 15:12

Does 50/50 mean no maintenance is payable?

Planesmistakenforstars · 16/02/2022 15:14

What do you mean by accommodating his schedule? If it causes you logistical problems with work or their activities then yes of course you can object. But if it doesn't and the kids want to, then why don't you agree with it?

inmyslippers · 16/02/2022 15:16

Must be nice, if it's feasible why not?

Tohaveandtohold · 16/02/2022 15:20

What do the children want? If they want this then I can’t see what the issue is.
Since you separated 8 years ago then there’s a possibility that the children are at least almost 8 years old so not like babies and I can’t see an issue.

TizerorFizz · 16/02/2022 15:22

50:50 is not encouraged by the courts if it’s disruptive. Older children have schedules. Might be sports clubs, homework, seeing friends, childcare arrangements, school routines, and even seeing grandparents or going to Beavers etc. Usually it’s best to negotiate bearing in mind what the children want. I assume you don’t have a court agreement in place so negotiation is the only way. If you have cast iron reasons why the contact shouldn’t be increased, explain this to Ex. If you are just being a bit tricky, think how Ex might be accommodated. What might work?

Freddiefox · 16/02/2022 15:23

What do the children want, mine wouldn’t like all the backwards and forwards, so could it be done in bigger chunks, so 5 days at a time?

Sirzy · 16/02/2022 15:25

What are your reasons for saying no?

RoseAndRose · 16/02/2022 15:27

He wants to change from 3/10 to 6/14 - ie from 30/70 to 40/60

Sounds ok to me

Jizzle · 16/02/2022 15:27

To be perfectly honest, you are being massively unreasonable.

I know MM has a lot of deadbeat dad posts, but the starting point for any child sharing should be 50/50, only deviating from this in exceptional circumstances such as childs (very young) age or health issues. If these things aren't an issue, then they should absolutely be spending as close to 50/50 with their dad where practical, it is massively beneficial for the children.

I suspect you are just upset you will see them less, but how can you think that when their father is seeing them less than you, you should have equal time with them.

Momijin · 16/02/2022 15:27

He's got every right to spend 50/50 time with his children.

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