Father requesting more days with children.

[Meme43]

Hello,
So I separated 8 years ago (divorced 3 years), and my 3 children have had regular contact with their father…staying roughly 3 nights every 10 days. I have always worked around his schedule to accommodate it recently he has more spare time and is requesting to have the children stay 4 nights one week two nights the following. I don’t agree to this but am I within my rights to say no?

I think the parents have to be able to coparent incredibly effectively and communicate very well for a true 50:50 and often if there is a non amicable split (often?) that can be difficult, at least without some passage of time.

@Frankola why are you assuming she is thinking of money ?! It’s not what the majority of single parents are driven by, despite what the Daily Fail would like us to be portrayed

He has more spare time so he'd like to spend this with his children. He's the one being the responsible parent. I'm afraid you're just coming across as the spiteful ex.

@wingingit15 In my own personal experience it is.

@Frankola please could you clarify what you mean as on its face, that is hideous insulting

Pressed post too quickly!

I'm not saying that all single parents are like that. However, as above, my experience with my DSDs mother is VERY money driven.

She refused my husband more access to DSD until threatened with court because her maintenance would reduce. She even told him that herself, with no shame.

@Frankola that’s one case, that you have one side of . Don’t assume everyone is the same. Some of us actually care about our children

Would it be in the children's best interests to have increased contact from 9 a month to 12 a month? Would the nights be set and consistent nights?

Do you have a different pattern for school holidays?

It keeps him in the same bracket for child maintenance. If that's a concern.

@CharlotteSometimess if it goes to court you might not have a choice or a judge could decide the other parent is the stable base

@wombleflump

Would like to know if people who think 50/50 Is great actually do shared parenting? It’s easy to say this sounds great but different if it was your own kids being “shared”. I would have hated 50/50 as a child. I prefer to have a stable home.

What does stable mean to you?

Mine have all the home comforts at both houses.

Not sure Op is going to come back..

To all those saying why after 8 years does he want more time , maybe he has had a change of job and got more time to have them and take them to clubs
Its not unusual for parents who are split to sometimes change days etc as circumstances change
Mn all for equal rights except when it comes to who gets the kids most , a hands on dad who's always been involved , why do they automatically get less ?

@Nowhereelsetogo90
Id be surprised if 50/50 benefits the children, unless the children are teens. Id be even more surprised if 50/50 ends up actually being 50/50 with responsibilities and commitments, and not just time.

Is he likely to do clubs / parties / make and keep dentist and doctors appointments / hairdressers and barbers / clothes shops
Why would this be a surprise? My DH has 50-50 and does his part of all these things. Not every Dad is a useless deadbeat.

But this dad, the one we are discussing, was happy not having much contact for the past 8 YEARS! Now theyre significantly older, why now?

@wingingit15 I make it clear in my post that I do not believe all single parents are like this.

However, according to OP herself there's no reason not to increase contact. She just doesn't want to. It's a viable question to ask if it's because of maintenance.

If this was a NRP who was a woman asking for more contact and the RP man was saying no because he didn't want to there would be uproar.

@wombleflump no experience but it also shouldn't be assumed that mums should get the most time as it is on here , once old enough the child should get the say, but its wrong that many on here automatically think its the dads that see them less
And the few I know who do 50/50 or close too , kids are happy as they have two loving parents who they want to spend time with but who are also flexible with changes if dc need them , plus when done from a young age they don't know very much different

@TracyMosby he has had consistent contact though and just asking for an increase which could be for many reasons, maybe his jobs has changed , maybe his kids have asked for it, maybe he has moved closer
The OP has given hardly any details and not come back
Every situation will be different and warrant a different answer

I must have missed where OP says there is no reason to refuse an increase sorry @Frankola

Hopefully OP will return. 2.50pm until 7 pm is not a long time in the real world when you are juggling kids, house and maybe a job alone

My friends ex dp got 50:50 much to her heart break. However he is always at work but give the kids to his sister and mother often on his time. He just wanted to not pay any money and punish her for leaving.

@wingingit15 If there was a genuine reason I'd be 100% behind OP saying no. It just doesn't seem fair to NRP to refuse more access. I understand this sounds very naive of me, but all parents should be able to have the best relationship possible with their kids.

Hopefully OP does come back when she can.

You would be unreasonable to say no without a good reason.

[quote TracyMosby]@Nowhereelsetogo90
Id be surprised if 50/50 benefits the children, unless the children are teens. Id be even more surprised if 50/50 ends up actually being 50/50 with responsibilities and commitments, and not just time.

Is he likely to do clubs / parties / make and keep dentist and doctors appointments / hairdressers and barbers / clothes shops
Why would this be a surprise? My DH has 50-50 and does his part of all these things. Not every Dad is a useless deadbeat.

But this dad, the one we are discussing, was happy not having much contact for the past 8 YEARS! Now theyre significantly older, why now?[/quote]
Well that’s an odd interpretation of the facts. I think previous posters have posted the maths but his increase isn’t much at all in reality over a fortnight.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@wombleflump no experience but it also shouldn't be assumed that mums should get the most time as it is on here , once old enough the child should get the say, but its wrong that many on here automatically think its the dads that see them less
And the few I know who do 50/50 or close too , kids are happy as they have two loving parents who they want to spend time with but who are also flexible with changes if dc need them , plus when done from a young age they don't know very much different [/quote]
Agreed. My DSD has no issues at all with it! All parents and stepparents are flexible and she has a stable base in both homes. If she gets older and doesn’t like it then that’s fine we will look at how to change it to best suit her needs. I’d say the only way this wouldn’t work is if the parents live miles apart - part of the reason it works for us is that we live ten mins from each other so can facilitate school/clubs/friends/relatives.

When you say you currently make the arrangements, is it the same nights every week/ 10 days. If he is stating he can now have the kids for double the amount of time, is this permanent, or could be temporary. If he goes back to three days a week, how would that affect you, with work, or wouldn't it? How old are the kids? What would they like to do? Would more time mean you could work more? There's lots of factors, and a blanket no because it doesn't suit you, doesn't mean it's not worth looking at

Why should u get more days than him?