Father requesting more days with children.

[Meme43]

Hello,
So I separated 8 years ago (divorced 3 years), and my 3 children have had regular contact with their father…staying roughly 3 nights every 10 days. I have always worked around his schedule to accommodate it recently he has more spare time and is requesting to have the children stay 4 nights one week two nights the following. I don’t agree to this but am I within my rights to say no?

@Bakewelltart987

Unless you have a very good reason not to which I doubt as dc already stay over then I say you let them. Time with there dad is just as important as time with you.

It's not if it's disruptive to their lives.

It's not if it's disruptive to their lives.

Will it be disruptive to the DC's lives though? Should the of done properly. Might be disruptive to OP's but that's something you have to deal with in a co parenting situation

That was meant to say shouldn't be if done properly

I think the OP is getting too much flack on this thread from pp.
From the way I’ve read it she hasn’t said she doesn’t want him to have more time it reads to me it’s the schedule he’s proposed( to suit him) that’s the issue.
If the kids were staying overnight 3/10 and now he wants 6/14 that’s a big jump for kids especially the 4 overnights in 1 week I wouldn’t be happy with that schedule tbh and don’t think it’s in the kids best interests imo. She also doesn’t say if he has EOW and half of holidays it sounds to me as if he has had the kids overnight as and when it suits him( she said roughly 3/10 and she accommodates him) OP if you come back and explain the situation a bit more we can try give u advice.
Oh and the pp who projected about maintenance that’s all

Then perhaps she could suggest a different schedule that suits everyone and gives some more time. That's not unreasonable

@TracyMosby

Id be surprised if 50/50 benefits the children, unless the children are teens. Id be even more surprised if 50/50 ends up actually being 50/50 with responsibilities and commitments, and not just time.

Is he likely to do clubs / parties / make and keep dentist and doctors appointments / hairdressers and barbers / clothes shops

You - like so many on MN - have a very low opinion of divorced dads.

Were you to meet those I know - including myself - you'd not be merely surprised, you'd be bloody flabbergasted.

@WalkingOnTheCracks, I think if this thread leaves me with any takeaway, it’s how prejudiced the views are that all single parents (of all genders) are so dreadful, apparently. I haven’t felt this stereotyped for a long time.
It’s great being in an ivory tower until you tumble down !

You - like so many on MN - have a very low opinion of divorced dads
Not all. Just the ones who put their own needs above their child. The ones who cannot possibly do any more parenting due to their jobs / hobby / personal commandments etc rather than do what mothers are expected to do and request flexible working and stop doing anything for themselves.

Were you to meet those I know - including myself - you'd not be merely surprised, you'd be bloody flabbergasted
I doubt it. Those who like to point out how great they are, like you are doing here, rarely are. Societies standards for fathers are on the floor. To be considered a great father in our society you literally have to show up and pay minimum maintenance most of the time. Here on MN the standards and expectations are usually higher. And people really do not like that.

@TracyMosby

You - like so many on MN - have a very low opinion of divorced dads Not all. Just the ones who put their own needs above their child. The ones who cannot possibly do any more parenting due to their jobs / hobby / personal commandments etc rather than do what mothers are expected to do and request flexible working and stop doing anything for themselves.

Were you to meet those I know - including myself - you'd not be merely surprised, you'd be bloody flabbergasted
I doubt it. Those who like to point out how great they are, like you are doing here, rarely are. Societies standards for fathers are on the floor. To be considered a great father in our society you literally have to show up and pay minimum maintenance most of the time. Here on MN the standards and expectations are usually higher. And people really do not like that.

Oh, for fuck's sake - then I'm rare.

Not to address all that garbage, but one point of fact. I paid more maintenance than was suggested because I didn't think the suggestion was enough. My kid lived with his mum till he was eleven, and then with me until he left home.

I say this not to point out how great I am, but to suggest to you that your expectations of fathers might be rock-bottom, but some fathers' expectations of themselves are very high indeed.

More to the point, a lot of dads want to spend as much time as possible with their kids, even if they don't want to spend their lives with the kids' mother.

And actually, that's not rare.

@TracyMosby

You - like so many on MN - have a very low opinion of divorced dads Not all. Just the ones who put their own needs above their child. The ones who cannot possibly do any more parenting due to their jobs / hobby / personal commandments etc rather than do what mothers are expected to do and request flexible working and stop doing anything for themselves.

Were you to meet those I know - including myself - you'd not be merely surprised, you'd be bloody flabbergasted
I doubt it. Those who like to point out how great they are, like you are doing here, rarely are. Societies standards for fathers are on the floor. To be considered a great father in our society you literally have to show up and pay minimum maintenance most of the time. Here on MN the standards and expectations are usually higher. And people really do not like that.

Sadly, I agree.

I’m not flabbergasted by a dad behaving responsibly regardless if they live with their child/children or not why should be ?

Im disappointed that the bar is set so very low that when a dad acts in a normal parental responsible way towards his child/children he does not live with (turning up to parents evening, attending a medical appointment) he is hailed as some sort of hero

@OhWhyNot

I’m not flabbergasted by a dad behaving responsibly regardless if they live with their child/children or not why should be ?

Im disappointed that the bar is set so very low that when a dad acts in a normal parental responsible way towards his child/children he does not live with (turning up to parents evening, attending a medical appointment) he is hailed as some sort of hero

I don’t think you should be, and you didn’t say you would be. Neither would I.

But TracyMosby said she’d be surprised, and I responded specifically to that.