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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think fully grown men shouldn't need to pee in the street

254 replies

Madmaxxy · 16/02/2022 13:36

I've just had the joy of looking out of my front room window to see a man had pulled his car up (into private spaces that are designated for the flats on our road) and relieved himself into the space. I saw everything

For context we are not rural! It's a long residential road that runs parallel to a main road, which is opposite the centre of town. Busy with cars and pedestrians, and opposite a long row of houses like mine. This was also less than a metre from the pavement, so a poor unsuspecting pedestrian would behave got an eyeful.
I also know that that space belongs to a family with three young children and he's just filled it with his piss in broad daylight.
So AIBU to think a fully grown man should at least be able to hold it until they get to a McDonald's or something.

OP posts:
Momicrone · 16/02/2022 22:51

Stormwhale, are you saying your dh pees in full view of people? is that necessary?

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 16/02/2022 22:53

Also like to add that my dad in his late 50s, is a cab driver in London (a place with no public toilets, and restaurants/hotels that won't let them use the loo) and manages without pissing in the street.

He waits to get to a McDonald's/cafe/pub or he holds it.
Like any other adult should.

Being a delivery driver... is no bloody excuse.
Wish people would stop excusing men for the filthy, entitled habits.

Abigail12345654321 · 16/02/2022 22:53

@Stormwhale

My husband does have a container in the car now, but when this first started (it just happened out of the blue) there were occasions where he had to stop the car like this. Of course once we realised there was a problem we put a plan in place.
Exactly! And that is a normal response to finding you have problems like this. That, and installing a downstairs loo.

Anyone can get caught out once in a blue moon but we know that isn’t it 99% of the time. It’s entitled men who have never learned to wait and they think women should shut up about it. That isn’t your husband. And he did what I would hope all men and women with issues like this should do.

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 16/02/2022 22:55

@JimmyDurham

So AIBU to think a fully grown man should at least be able to hold it until they get to a McDonald's or something.

Oh, OP, if only we could.

You can. Just like women do.
Stormwhale · 16/02/2022 22:56

No, my husband does not flash his penis about. However at points since the problem started he has had no choice but to go in places he would never choose to as he simply does not get any warning. All I'm asking is that you put yourself in his shoes for a moment and think about how distressing it is for an adult to have a problem like this, because of the stigma and shame around continence issues. You don't know if that man has bladder problems and the next person you see and decide to shout at as has been suggested on this thread, you won't know about them either.

GreenSeaGlass · 16/02/2022 23:00

It’s always the bloody men pissing everywhere. I can’t remember ever seeing a woman doing it. Likewise I’ve never seen a woman hacking up and spitting on the pavement but I see men doing this daily. Just gross.

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 16/02/2022 23:00

Again, statistics not your strong point.
And if I were you I wouldn't be defending men who you know do this out of entitlement, as perhaps if they didn't it would be more obvious your husband has a problem.

By the way for full disclosure I had a birth injury which meant I was properly, fully incontinent for years. I managed the issue without NHS help, without flashing. But like thousands of women I dealt with the.issue, including.limiting my travel rather than pissing on.others property.

TinselTitsAndGlitteryBits · 16/02/2022 23:08

@Stormwhale

No, my husband does not flash his penis about. However at points since the problem started he has had no choice but to go in places he would never choose to as he simply does not get any warning. All I'm asking is that you put yourself in his shoes for a moment and think about how distressing it is for an adult to have a problem like this, because of the stigma and shame around continence issues. You don't know if that man has bladder problems and the next person you see and decide to shout at as has been suggested on this thread, you won't know about them either.
Again, they're are plenty of women who suffer - but we don't see them urinating in public.

Your husband needs to find a way to manage it without urinating in public. As a PP said, what about the condom-like sheath that connects to a bottle, tied to his leg?
Some device along those lines. These things exist to help, peeing in public is not the answer.

LoveFall · 16/02/2022 23:09

@Abigail12345654321

Mind you the uk has a weird attitude to all things toilet related. In other countries it’s entirely acceptable to walk into a cafe or bar to use the loo. No issue. No ‘customer use only’ signs. And vastly more public loos.

We need some serious changes in that respect. Life is impossibly difficult if you have severe crohns or ulcerative colitis and having people tutting if you try and use a loo is mental. No idea why that attitude exists but it should be made law that anyone can access toilets of any public premises and there should be public toilets everywhere!

Having ulcerative colitis, and traveling, means I have had the great pleasure of navigating the world of toilets, literally.

I have experienced that familiar panicky feeling in the finest of places.

The biggest problem is a simple one. Not enough public facilities. Lots of retail stores for example have facilities but only staff can use them.

Once or twice I have literally begged. A very nice man in the Boots in Cambridge saved me one day, and escorted me to the staff loo. After I told him there was no way I could make it to the public toilets a block or so away.

But I have to get up close and person with complete strangers, and then literally beg.

Some States in the US have law requiring access be granted. I don't know how they manage the entitlement part.

www.crohnscolitisfoundation.org/news/wecantwait

Hawkins001 · 16/02/2022 23:11

i would of presumed if it was needed, a wooded area out of bounds would of been a suitable option if local toilets were not available ?

Abigail12345654321 · 16/02/2022 23:13

@Stormwhale

No, my husband does not flash his penis about. However at points since the problem started he has had no choice but to go in places he would never choose to as he simply does not get any warning. All I'm asking is that you put yourself in his shoes for a moment and think about how distressing it is for an adult to have a problem like this, because of the stigma and shame around continence issues. You don't know if that man has bladder problems and the next person you see and decide to shout at as has been suggested on this thread, you won't know about them either.
The first time it happened I can understand. Maybe even the second.

After that, no. After that, he made a choice. He could have ensured he didn’t need to pee on the street.

It doesn’t matter how embarrassed he is about it. Of course it’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing for menopausal women when they get period flooding somewhere inappropriate. The solution isn’t for us to just shrug our shoulders and wander the streets with blood dripping off our ankles, making no attempt to conceal it, and expecting men to ‘look away’ because it’s embarrassing for us. The solution is for us to mitigate the risk, carry necessary provisions, keep a change of clothes nearby etc.

If we can, why can’t they?

huuskymam · 16/02/2022 23:20

For everyone saying women wouldn't do this, sorry to burst your bubble but some do. My dh works nights in a city, he has often walked up to his car to find women squatting behind it either peeing or in 2 instances, having a shit. Always women in their 20s early 30s who are overloaded with drink.

RedCandyApple · 16/02/2022 23:22

Women definitely do it and they spit too, not sure why people think women don’t 🤣

headintheproverbial · 16/02/2022 23:26

YANBU

All the apologists saying that he might have a health condition I can't believe. As others have said when have you EVER seen a woman pulling over at the side of the road and pissing into a parking space in front residential buildings? Never of course.

PurpleCarpets · 16/02/2022 23:29

@headintheproverbial

YANBU

All the apologists saying that he might have a health condition I can't believe. As others have said when have you EVER seen a woman pulling over at the side of the road and pissing into a parking space in front residential buildings? Never of course.

Anatomy tends to require that we crouch and are less obstrusive. Otherwise of course women do.
BuddhaForMary · 16/02/2022 23:31

@RedCandyApple

Women definitely do it and they spit too, not sure why people think women don’t 🤣
Speak for yourself. I do neither of those things.
RedCandyApple · 16/02/2022 23:32

Yeh no one said I did but I’ve definitely seen it so don’t act like women are perfect!

FantasticFebruary · 16/02/2022 23:53

@Juliauns91

I wouldn't judge this. My DH is young and athletic but has prostate problems and he has 5 seconds warning of needing a wee. It makes life very difficult and sometimes he actually wets himself :(
@Juliauns91. I wouldn't judge your DH. I hope the poor bloke is able to get the treatment he needs x

@Stormwhale. Same with your DH x

@supertree. If your Dad was my postie, he'd be welcome to use my loo, not everyone is a complete loon when it comes to people using their loo.

Abigail12345654321 · 17/02/2022 06:48

@RedCandyApple

Yeh no one said I did but I’ve definitely seen it so don’t act like women are perfect!
It’s the same as violence.

Yes, some women are violent.

But 98% of the violence is men.

So stop with the ‘whataboutery’. A tiny number of drunk women does not equal or negate the fact that it’s mostly men.

And the fact that we have ALL experienced men doing this and hardly anyone has experienced women doing it, doesn’t imply that it’s ALL men.

So can people stop with the NAMALT and ‘women do it too’ because it’s bollocks.

This is a men problem predominantly and overwhelmingly. And men need to stop letting other men think it’s ok. Because men don’t listen to women and when we tell them to put their dicks away, they tell us to shut the fuck up.

MadameFantabulosa · 17/02/2022 06:55

The lack of public toilets is an issue. The ones near us in London (men only!) closed and people were directed to one three miles away. There’s a pub near us that will let people in to use the loo (and has a sign on the door saying so), but men still piss in our garden or against the wall.

mycatisannoying · 17/02/2022 06:57

Disgusting behaviour. Like animals.

mycatisannoying · 17/02/2022 07:00

And the non judgy posts are frankly ridiculous.

You can imagine if this was a reverse. 'Woman saw me pissing in full view of her neighbours, in a residential street. WIBU?'

He'd have his arse handed to him Hmm

ThirdElephant · 17/02/2022 07:04

@BunsyGirl

Men are lucky. It’s easy for them to pee wherever they want. As a woman with incontinence problems, I have to wet myself if I can’t access a public toilet.
I have two products to recommend to you @BunsyGirl
  1. The SheWee
  2. The Travel Jane
LolaSmiles · 17/02/2022 07:04

If we can, why can’t they?
Because men are a special class of people and some women feel the need to excuse male behaviour.

All this but whatabout... poor man probably had a reason to be pissing next to residential buildings... but when men get older they often have issues... but whatabout medical issues... I've got older male relatives who regularly need the toilet. Somehow they plan their days as best they can, factor in stopping at cafes and don't piss in the street. I also can't say I've seen lots of older men urinating where ever they see fit. In fact, I rarely see older men having a wee whereever they feel like it.

Abigail12345654321
You're right. All this NAMALT/but women... is quite sad. People discuss that men are the ones who think nothing off weeing where they see fit in the middle of the day, that despite medical conditions we dont see lots of women doing their business in parking bays, and somehow it becomes 'but women do it too!!!!! Here's an example of drunk women doing it!' Hmm
It's depressing.

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