To think fully grown men shouldn't need to pee in the street

[Madmaxxy]

I've just had the joy of looking out of my front room window to see a man had pulled his car up (into private spaces that are designated for the flats on our road) and relieved himself into the space. I saw everything

For context we are not rural! It's a long residential road that runs parallel to a main road, which is opposite the centre of town. Busy with cars and pedestrians, and opposite a long row of houses like mine. This was also less than a metre from the pavement, so a poor unsuspecting pedestrian would behave got an eyeful.
I also know that that space belongs to a family with three young children and he's just filled it with his piss in broad daylight.
So AIBU to think a fully grown man should at least be able to hold it until they get to a McDonald's or something.

Grim. When you think about it it's actually pretty offensive to men and boys to tolerate and even expect behaviour from them which we would not from women and girls. Like we think they can't control themselves. My DH, DSs, DBs and DF manage not to urinate in public perfectly well.

The examples of delivery drivers etc or those with medical issues (or both) need to be addressed in other ways. Better healthcare support for one and an expectation that employers support staff properly and provide the necessary facilities. To the op whose father is a postie with continence issues is there a union who could get involved in pressing for better solutions for workers?

Tbh if the men in my family did this I'd be locking the house and telling them to stay in the garden!

Same here! Especially since I grow cut flowers for flower arrangements.

A lot of it stems from how boys and girls are raised. I like to walk in my local park a few times per week, have done for years. Two out of three times per week there’s a parent letting their boy wee in the wide open space. I have not once seen a little girl do it. Not once. And I’m seeing it in boys over half the times I’m there.

Do boys and girls have such differently designed bladders that only boys need to do this? Nope. But a lot of parents think that boys should be allowed to do it at whim whereas girls should have to learn to wait.

The boys get older, become men who pee wherever they like, they make lewd remarks or abuse people who object.

It starts young, and until boys are treated like girls and expected to not gratify every instinct immediately and regardless of who else wants to use a space, then nothing will change. You won’t get better public toilet provision whilst half the population is being trained from birth that they don’t have to bother with it.

These types of people are so gross. The medical excuse is ridiculous, no one needs to piss on the street. That's what adult nappies are for.

Mabel I think sadly you're 100% right.

I feel kind of torn on this. I've had two instances where I've had to go for a wee in public unfortunately. One time I was about 50 miles from home and it was in the middle of the pandemic, I desperately tried to find any toilet that was open but none was, I went behind a large bin/skip type of thing and went. The other time I managed to find a pub but it was shut and I climbed behind a kind of pagoda on their grounds and went behind that. Both times it was either go in my clothes or go there. I don't really know what else I could have done. It was horrible.

Now public toilets are open and toilets in cafes and so on it would not arise.

Absolutely spot on Mabel.

@skybluee Your situation was different though. You tried everything else and were in a last resort situation. You went out of sight and are still bothered that it happened much later. Men such as in the OP don't care, don't make any attempt to keep out of sight, but view it as their absolute right to piss anywhere they like, like a dog cocking it's leg. It's disgusting.

@Bbq1

You obviously haven't been in a city centre at night. Coming home from the theatre, I have witnessed women literally squatting in the middle of a road and weeing. That's disgusting. Men try to find a discreet spot. They don't as a rule just piss in the centre of a road with dozens of pedestrians passing them.

Have you ever seen this from a sober woman in broad daylight? If not, it’s not the same is it?

@MorningStarling

It's just a normal bodily function. You shouldn't judge him without knowing the facts, he might have a medical condition for example. It's not always possible to keep it in indefinitely. If it bothers you, look away.

It’s actually illegal, OP would have been quite justified in calling the police. Defecating is a normal bodily function, is it ok to do that in public?

It’s strange that when some people read about anti-social behaviour, their first reaction is to defend the perpetrator.

We all have bladders. We have all felt a desperate urge to pee. But only a small percentage have ever peed in a public area. Everyone else manages to hang on until they get to a loo.

Does a man with an enlarged prostate really have greater pressure on his bladder than a woman pregnant with a 7lb baby? It seems highly unlikely.

Men pee in public because it is quick and easy for them to do so. That’s it. No other reason except for a very, very small minority.

As stated above, women are four times more likely to have UTIs than men. But very few women ever pee in public. Somehow they manage to hold on. Which is strange.

@TrashyPanda

It’s strange that when some people read about anti-social behaviour, their first reaction is to defend the perpetrator.

We all have bladders. We have all felt a desperate urge to pee. But only a small percentage have ever peed in a public area. Everyone else manages to hang on until they get to a loo.

Does a man with an enlarged prostate really have greater pressure on his bladder than a woman pregnant with a 7lb baby? It seems highly unlikely.

Men pee in public because it is quick and easy for them to do so. That’s it. No other reason except for a very, very small minority.

As stated above, women are four times more likely to have UTIs than men. But very few women ever pee in public. Somehow they manage to hold on. Which is strange.

Exactly. I have regularly reoccurring UTI’s. When I want to go out I pee before I leave the house, I make sure to not drink too much water/tea before I leave and I know where I’ll be able to find public toilets in case I need to go. I even go as far as wearing a maxi skirt so if I leak, it will be less visible then if I’d wear pants. That’s called taking your responsibility. I don’t think men go to the same lengths because they know they can pee anywhere if needed. An enlarged prostrate is not an excuse. I never peed anywhere except in the woods when there was no toilet nearby as a child. Not during my pregnancy, not after I recently gave birth and not when I have an UTI again. If I can manage that so can a man with an enlarged prostate.

I once went to a sporting event which lasted nearly 12 hours in Italy. It was considered to be predominantly male attendance and so they put on about ten portaloos which seemed to all blocked by 10am. Of course there were thousands of women there, but there were thousands more men, who were pissing in the bushes (at best) or on the main walkways of the event.

I and the women I was with had to hold it all day, whilst the men around us got more and more pissed and did more and more pissing.

That is the consequence of behaviour like this. Event organisers don’t think about it because men can all piss outside. They provide a token gesture at best, which isn’t sufficient, but they don’t care because men can piss outside. Women don’t return to these events and then they just say it’s something only men go to.

In some ways we’ve not moved on much in 100 years. I’d never go back to that event as it honestly felt like I was a second class person who didn’t deserve comfort or dignity, and who had to spend all day trying to avoid men pissing everywhere.

@LaBellina

Agree with the posters who say you never see a woman do this. I constantly had to pee when I was pregnant and I never did it on the street. Men who do this are simply vile. The fact that you saw his penis from a pretty far distance makes me wonder if he exposed himself on purpose. I would have written down his car number plate and reported him to the police because no matter if it was his intention or not, the fact that you saw his penis makes it indecent exposure. Women and children shouldn’t have to put up with seeing strange men’s genitals in public no matter how much they need to pee.

I totally agree

@MabelsApron absolutely the same for all day diving too. Men piss off the back of the boat and no toilet stops. If I'm on my period I have to worry about toxic shock syndrome.

Men do it most often, but women aren't perfect little fairies who would never dare to pee outside, come on. This type of commentary is why young girls end up terrified to do a poo in public toilets or their partners house, or heaven forbid, fart.

I've seen plenty of women of all ages (both sober and drunk) pee outside (in the countryside, residential areas and large cities alike) and have done so myself, as well. I make sure to be discreet, but sometimes there just is genuinely no other option and how are we to know if the man or woman peeing in "broad daylight in a residential area no less" is having one of those "no other options" moments?

I have a weak bladder and years ago was on my way home from London and needed a wee (despite making sure to go before leaving), I was in a cab so asked the driver if he could find somewhere for me to go to the loo, he said there was nowhere, so I asked to just go wherever the cab drivers go, he said no "you wouldn't want to go there" so I said that I genuinely didn't care where it was, but I needed to go NOW (at this point if he had taken me to his mates' house who lived down the road I wouldn't have protested!). So he pulled over and I squatted down in between 2 cars on a residential street - if someone had looked out of their window, they would've seen me. I genuinely had no other option apart from wetting myself and then sitting in my own piss for the next hour and a half and then having to walk around another city centre with obvious piss marks down my clothes and stinking.

Sometimes, there is NO other option and we can't know when someone is having a "no other option" moment. Some people who pee in the street are entitled, yes, but others don't have any other choice in the moment.

You are missing the point. Massively.

Yes, sometimes women do pee outside. Behind a bush, into a wetsuit etc.

But often part of the reason there is no other option is because men are considered the default and will pee outside, sometimes even when other resources are available. If men didn't pee outside unless absolutely necessary like women did there'd be a lot more effort in making resources available.

And I'm not a precious little flower for not:

A) wanting to expose myself and feel vulnerable. If I were to do so in some places I have been I would have been raped. Are you implying women in India for example are delicate flowers for being restricted by the urinary leash?
B) wanting adequate clean facilities to deal with periods etc.
C)Not wanting to risk toxic shock syndrome because my needs aren't considered.

No one has said someone absolutely desperate, using a bush in the countryside when there's no other option is a problem.

Surely if you read the op you can see it's far, far more likely entitlement from the circumstances. But defend away. Perhaps I'll take my childbirth ruined equipment to your address and piss on your doorstep. I expect you do defend my right to do so after all.

Nobody should be pissing in public. Wtf is this society about? Oh come on!

So if anyone is still following this post (thank you to the majority of you talking sense!) I did report to the police with the reg number of the car. The good news is they've logged it as a crime (exposure) the bad news is that the car is registered and Insured to a female so it's not an easy 'send them a fine' type thing (or whatever the punishment would be I'm not sure). I'm guessing he was driving uninsured in her car though so maybe there will be some consequence via that, who knows.

@Madmaxxy

So if anyone is still following this post (thank you to the majority of you talking sense!) I did report to the police with the reg number of the car. The good news is they've logged it as a crime (exposure) the bad news is that the car is registered and Insured to a female so it's not an easy 'send them a fine' type thing (or whatever the punishment would be I'm not sure). I'm guessing he was driving uninsured in her car though so maybe there will be some consequence via that, who knows.

Glad to hear you reported to police. He could well be insured to drive her car but I bet she’ll be less than thrilled when the police turn up to interview him about indecent exposure. Love to be a fly on that wall!

Where else is he meant to go?

McDonalds often shuts their toilets, coffee shops radar lock theirs, there's barely any public ones

Seriously? So we can all just piss on the pavement whenever we fancy?

And yet somehow people manage to plan their journeys even if they have incontinence issues (pregnancy, birth trauma).
Sorry, did I say people? Women. Women plan their journeys so they don't have to piss in public.
@CourtRand Good of you to offer your front garden though. Taking one for the team and all that.

Good news op. Indecent exposure, disgusting and glas it's being treated as such.

At lunch time during half term it's a miracle a child didn't get an eyeful like I did. Sorry but I can't believe after such a long thread people are still making excuses for this behaviour. Hopefully their will be some consequence via the police.